What are the stages of marriage? A guide to growing together
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA
Every relationship is unique, but most marriages follow a similar pattern. Learn what the 6 stages of marriage are, how long they last, and 11 tips to move through them mindfully.
Marriage is the type of union that doesn’t always move in a straight line or down one smooth path. Marriage zigs and zags, it stretches and contracts. Sometimes it’s a cozy nest, and other times it’s a pressure cooker that has you holding on for dear life.
So, when your marriage feels off, unfamiliar, or just plain hard (and it inevitably will), it’s easy to wonder if it’s normal or means there’s something deeply wrong in your relationship.
Every long-term relationship goes through shifts. What starts as butterflies and sleepovers can morph into tag-teaming childcare and navigating parenting, negotiating chore lists, moving through grief, or just trying to make it through the week without snapping over who loaded the dishwasher incorrectly.
Understanding the stages of marriage isn’t about diagnosing problems or forcing your relationship into a formula, but about recognizing patterns that many couples experience so you can name what’s happening instead of feeling lost in it.
Let’s take a grounded look at what the stages of marriage actually feel like, from the initial glow of falling in love to the growing pains to the quiet, deep partnership that can follow.
What are the stages of marriage?
Recognizing the stages of marriage isn’t about labeling your relationship or setting unrealistic expectations. It’s about seeing the bigger picture of how connection deepens, fractures, rebuilds, and evolves over time.
Here’s a breakdown of the most common stages couples move through. Not everyone will experience all of them, and it won’t always be in this order.
1. The honeymoon stage
The honeymoon stage occurs in dating relationships and also in marriages. In brand new relationships it’s the dopamine-fueled glow where everything feels possible and you’re falling in love. You’re seeing each other through the most flattering filters. You tend to overlook differences and avoid disagreements, because you’re too busy marveling at how much you just “get” each other.
In a marriage, the honeymoon stage it’s more about the rosy glow of being newlyweds, oftentimes taking a literal honeymoon. In this stage, you might be so excited to have that falling in love feeling again that you want to preserve the feelings as long as possible.
Common challenges: Maybe you’re avoiding difficult conversations, or holding your tongue when you should be establishing a gentle boundary. This might be in an effort to prolong the feel-good feelings.
How long it lasts: Anywhere from a few months to two years. Some couples experience it again after big life events like a big vacation, a new baby, or a new job, so it’s not necessarily a one-time phase.
2. The reality stage
The reality stage of marriage is when life sets in. The glow starts to fade, and daily life starts to highlight your differences. You might start bickering more, feel misunderstood, or begin to notice the habits and patterns that used to seem endearing now make you frustrated beyond belief.
Common challenges: Communication breakdowns, mismatched expectations, emotional turmoil
How long it lasts: This phase is mutable. It can emerge anywhere from year one to year five and last a couple of years, depending on the couple, life’s stressors, and how they communicate.
Read more: How to manage the expectations vs. reality trap in 6 steps
3. The power struggle stage
The power struggle stage is when the idealism of early love crashes into the reality of two complex humans trying to build a life together. It’s marked by deeper disagreements, emotional vulnerability, and the need to reestablish personal identities within the relationship.
Common challenges: Control dynamics, feeling stuck, resentment, disconnection
How long it lasts: This stage can linger (sometimes for years) if unaddressed. Many couples dip in and out of it throughout a long marriage. Therapy or intentional work often helps soften the edges here.
4. The stability stage
After weathering the storm, you might find a new kind of peace in the stability stage. It’s not the breathless high of new love, but, instead, it’s steadier, slower, and rooted in respect. You’ve started to accept each other’s flaws. You don’t agree on everything, but you’ve got some solid conflict tools now.
Common challenges: Drifting apart, intimacy ruts, routine fatigue, emotional complacency
How long it lasts: This stage can become the default for many couples, but it needs tending. Without intentional connection, this comfort can quietly slip into distance.
5. The commitment stage
The commitment stage isn’t about rings or paperwork. It’s about choosing each other, daily, with clarity. You’ve moved through the fantasies and fears and settled into something that feels more real. There’s space for individuality and togetherness. You’re a team, not in theory, but in practice.
Common challenges: External stressors (aging parents, burnout, grief), questioning whether life should feel more exciting
How long it lasts: Ideally, this becomes a long-term phase, but it can be disrupted by unexpected life events or changes in personal identity.
Read more: Do you have a fear of commitment? These 10 tips can help
6. The co-creation or legacy stage
The co-creation stage is a later-life phase that focuses on shared meaning. Maybe it’s parenting, mentoring, community work, travel, or just spending your days watching the birds and knowing someone’s always there to make your favorite cup of tea. This stage is less about growth through struggle and more about reflection, collaboration, and gratitude.
Common challenges: Loss, health issues, navigating transitions like retirement or becoming empty nesters
How long it lasts: Some couples arrive here early. For others, it’s a final act of quiet joy after decades of weathering storms together.
How long does each marriage stage last?
There’s no set timeline on how long each marriage stage lasts. Some couples move through phases quickly, while others linger in one stage for years or return to a previous one during major life shifts. What shapes these stages isn’t just time — it’s change. Kids, career moves, location changes, illness, aging, therapy, and even personal growth can all stir transitions.
Instead of asking how long, it’s more helpful to ask what’s happening between you and your partner right now? What are we learning? What needs attention?
That kind of reflection creates more resilience than rushing through the hard parts just to “move on.”
Why marriages go through different stages
Marriages go through different stages, because you’re not the same person you were when you said “I do.” And neither is your partner. People change—sometimes slowly, sometimes overnight—and relationships shift in response. The stages of marriage reflect how two evolving people navigate life side by side.
Here’s why these shifts often happen:
Life doesn’t stand still and neither do you: Major transitions like becoming parents, moving, switching careers, or facing loss can shake up even the strongest dynamic. What worked in one season may not work in the next, simply because you’re both living a new reality.
Emotional needs evolve over time: What once felt loving might now feel smothering. What used to slide by might now sting. As we mature, so do our needs for autonomy, connection, intimacy, and communication. And our relationships need space to adapt accordingly.
Conflict teaches us who we are: The tough moments like arguments, misunderstandings, and breakdowns aren’t just roadblocks — they’re mirrors. If handled with care, conflict can reveal core wounds and open the door to deeper understanding and stronger boundaries.
We tend to idealize early love and panic when it fades: The end of the honeymoon phase often feels like a red flag, but it’s actually a normal shift. Emotional intensity gives way to something more grounded and often more sustainable. Love doesn’t disappear; it just matures.
External stress creates internal pressure: Money troubles, chronic stress, illness, caregiving, or just the daily grind can strain your connection. When the outside world feels chaotic, it’s easy to project frustration inward or retreat from your partner. Recognizing these pressures can make space for compassion instead of blame.
Read more: 9 ways to navigate change mindfully
How to support your marriage: 11 tips for moving through each stage mindfully
While there’s no tip for hacking marriage, we do have tips to help you simply live it. The goal isn’t perfection. The goal is presence. And with presence, even the hardest seasons can become opportunities for deeper connection.
1. Have intentional check-ins, not just logistical ones
Most couples spend more time talking about groceries and schedules than emotions. That’s normal. But there needs to be time for deeper connection too.
Set aside 15–20 minutes weekly to check in with each other emotionally.
Ask, “What’s been on your mind lately?” or, “What’s felt hard or beautiful between us recently?”
Keep it casual while cooking, during a walk, or over a nightcap.
Be mindful not to try fixing a problem or interrupting. Just listen.
💙 Explore the depths of your emotional connection with guidance from Jay Shetty’s Deeper Communication exercise.
2. Learn how to disagree without breaking trust
Every couple argues, but what matters is how you argue. Fighting fair means staying on-topic, managing tone, and avoiding personal attacks or even bringing up hurtful instances from the past.
Try these tips:
Use “I feel” statements instead of “You always” statements. You can say, “I feel shut out when you walk away mid-convo,” instead of, “You’re always so cold when we disagree.”
Take breaks if things escalate. Communicate your needs by saying, “I want to keep talking, but I need 15 minutes to cool off.”
Always return to the conversation. Avoiding conflict isn’t a resolution.
3. Get clear on your emotional bandwidth
Some seasons in life are just more exhausting than others. Between kids, caregiving, burnout, or grief, you may not have the same energy for your partner as usual, and that’s okay. Naming it helps avoid confusion or resentment.
Try saying, “I’m running on fumes today, but I care about you. Can we connect tomorrow when I’ve got more to give?”
Open communication is helpful always, especially when you’re feeling emotionally depleted and need some solo time.
Read more: How to actually feel your feelings: a guide to processing your emotions
4. Keep asking curious questions
It’s easy to assume we know everything about our partner. But people change, interests evolve, and values shift. Stay curious about them. Stay curious about the two of you as a couple.
Try these:
“What’s a dream you haven’t told me about yet?”
“If money wasn’t an issue, how would you spend your days?”
“What’s something you wish I understood better about you?”
5. Make space for solitude, both for you and them
A strong marriage needs breathing room. Closeness is beautiful, but codependence isn’t sustainable, and it also isn’t healthy. Make space for solo time, both for you and your partner.
Create small rituals of separation by trying the following:
Solo walks
A quiet room to retreat to
Different hobbies or social circles
💙 Schedule Me-tings into your week, which are non-negotiable moments for you to engage in quality solo time.
6. Normalize therapy, support, and outside help
You don’t need to wait until you’re on the brink of losing it to seek out help. Therapy isn’t just triage, but it’s maintenance. Think of it as strength training for your relationship.
Try these options beyond couples therapy:
Individual counseling
Podcasts or books you listen to together
A trusted friend or mentor who holds space without taking sides
7. Show appreciation in the language they understand
Not everyone hears love the same way. One partner may want words of affirmation, the other wants acts of service. Learn what lands, and aim for consistency, not grandeur.
Here are some examples:
If they love words: Leave a sticky note on their laptop.
If they love actions: Fill their coffee thermos or pack a snack for them for work.
If they love time: Offer them your full attention for 10 minutes.
💙 Learn more about how to nourish your relationship with our Love and Relationships series.
8. Rebuild joy, especially in slow seasons
Stress really can make everything feel worse, and it can make connection tough to maintain. Reconnection doesn’t always need deep talks, though. Sometimes, it’s just about fun and remembering the exciting life you’ve shared together.
Try these:
A “remember when” night by scrolling through old photos, watching your wedding video, or telling each other stories of the early days of dating.
A low-stakes adventure, like trying a new coffee shop, taking a late-night walk, or playing a semi-competitive board game.
Finding something you’re both bad at and doing it anyway, like karaoke, pickleball, or painting funny portraits of the other.
Read more: How to be happy again: 10 ways to (re)find joy in life
9. Acknowledge grief when things change
Even positive changes, like welcoming a new baby or landing a dream job, can bring grief for the life you had. Acknowledge the feelings of grief and transition instead of pushing them down.
You can say, “I miss how easy things used to feel,” or “It’s hard to find time for us in this new routine.”
10. Don’t expect your partner to be your everything
No one person can meet all your needs. It just isn’t realistic. While your partner should be someone you trust, someone you confide in, and can even be one of your best friends, it’s important to nurture relationships outside of your connection, too.
Try asking yourself the following:
“How can I find who I am outside our relationship?”
“Where am I expecting too much from you, and how can I redirect that?”
11. Celebrate resilience, not just romance
Some days, the most loving thing you do is keep showing up. Love isn’t always fireworks. Sometimes it’s just scraping yourself (or your partner) off the floor, sharing the last slice of pizza, and holding space for each other’s humanity.
Create rituals of resilience daily with the following:
Say, “Thank you for today,” before bed, even if it was rough.
Light a candle during a hard conversation to mark intention.
Revisit a shared win from your past when things feel uncertain.
Stages of marriage FAQs
What are the stages of marriage?
The stages of marriage refer to the emotional and relational shifts that tend to unfold over time in long-term partnerships. These stages often include:
The honeymoon phase, where connection feels effortless
The reality phase, where differences and stressors emerge
The power struggle, where many couples wrestle with control, identity, and communication
The later stages of stability, commitment, and co-creation.
These aren’t rigid steps, but rather common patterns that help normalize what relationships tend to experience over time. They reflect how both individuals and the relationship itself evolve. Not just in love, but in life.
How long does each stage of marriage usually last?
There’s no fixed timeline for any stage. Some couples spend years in the honeymoon phase before reality sets in, while others hit the power struggle six months after the wedding. Certain phases, like the power struggle or stability stage, might last for years, or cycle back again during times of stress or change.
Instead of measuring your marriage by the clock, it’s more helpful to ask: “What’s this stage teaching us?” or, “What needs attention between us right now?” Because real-time doesn’t always reflect emotional time.
Will every couple go through all of the stages of marriage?
Not necessarily. While many couples will recognize aspects of all the stages, the order, intensity, and visibility of these phases vary widely. Some might skip the prolonged honeymoon stage due to early life stress, while others never feel the deep rupture of the power struggle.
External circumstances, like raising children, financial pressure, or health crises, can accelerate or pause these shifts. What matters more than “completing” all the stages is staying responsive to where your relationship actually is, not where you think it should be.
Why are there different stages of marriage?
Different stages of marriage exist, because, at its core, is a long-term collaboration between two evolving people. Over time, you’ll each shift in your needs, communication style, coping mechanisms, dreams, and even your sense of self.
These personal evolutions naturally affect how you relate to each other. Life events, cultural pressures, and emotional development also create different relational dynamics over time. The stages are a way to map that shifting terrain, not as rules, but as reflections of what many couples experience when they try to grow together instead of apart.
What is the hardest stage of a marriage?
For many couples, the power struggle stage feels the most disorienting. This is when conflict becomes repetitive, intimacy may dwindle, and old patterns or wounds often resurface. It’s easy to mistake this phase as the end of love when, in fact, it’s often the beginning of deeper intimacy if you can navigate it with honesty, patience, and support.
That said, the hardest stage is often the one you’re in. Stability can feel stagnant if connection is lost. Commitment can feel heavy without care. Every stage brings its own challenges, but also its own opportunities for reconnection and renewal.
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