24 questions to ask your therapist to deepen your sessions
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA
Not sure what to ask in therapy? These 24 thoughtful questions can help you choose the right therapist, build trust, and explore your healing more deeply.
Making the decision to start therapy can feel like a giant relief, but for some people, building rapport with their therapist is stressful in and of itself.
Obviously, they’re there to support you, but it’s natural to feel awkward about spilling your innermost secrets to a total stranger. You might worry about being judged — or even that they won’t like you. When you feel self-conscious, you may have trouble opening up or being yourself, which defeats the entire purpose of what you’re doing.
So, what can you do to fix this? Talk to your therapist about it.
Therapy works well when you feel comfortable, so don’t hesitate to get curious. You can look at asking questions in therapy as a form of self-advocacy. It can help you figure out what you need, what’s working, and what isn’t.
If you’re therapist-shopping or already deep in it, here’s a list of questions that can help make therapy a little less daunting.
8 questions to ask a potential therapist
Starting therapy can feel a little like dating: It can really be hard to find someone who gets you.
To improve your odds of finding the right therapist, prioritize great chemistry, solid communication, and whether you feel relaxed in their presence. In addition, here are some thoughtful questions you can bring into your intake session to help you figure out if they’re the right person for the job.
1. What’s your general approach to therapy?
Some therapists are goal-oriented. Others are more free-flowing and care more about insights. This question can help you understand what a typical session might actually feel like.
Green flag: They explain their approach clearly and in a way that feels grounded but also still flexible.
Yellow flag: They say something wishy-washy and don’t offer examples or elaborate.
2. How do you know when therapy is working?
Progress in therapy isn’t always a straight line. Sometimes it can feel like you take three steps forward and then five steps back. This question can help you tell how they define growth, and whether their version aligns with yours.
Notice this: As they answer, ask yourself if their response focused on symptom reduction and self-awareness.
3. Have you worked with people who’ve experienced [insert your stuff here]?
You deserve support from someone who’s comfortable sitting with you and your reality, whether it’s grief, gender exploration, chronic stress, or anything else that makes you you.
Green flag: They name specifics and respect the uniqueness of your experience, while also respecting the privacy of their other patients.
Yellow flag: They speak in generalities or seem dismissive. They might say something vague like, “Yeah, I work with all kinds of people.”
4. Do you incorporate cultural identity, trauma, or social context into your work?
You want a therapist who sees the full picture and not just your symptoms.
Notice this: Pay attention to how they discuss systemic stress or privilege. Do they generally tend to get it? Or do they usually avoid it?
5. What’s your availability like?
If you have to squeeze in therapy between meetings and school pickup, you’ll need someone whose schedule accommodates yours.
Green flag: They’re clear and consistent. They also offer waitlist options and tell you about how their rescheduling works.
Yellow flag: They’re noncommittal about how to reach them and say something like, “Yeah… we’ll figure it out.”
6. What’s your cancellation and fee policy?
Transparency upfront usually leads to fewer awkward surprises later.
Notice this: As they respond, pay attention to their answer. Does it make you feel respected when you bring up money, or do you feel like you’re being judged?
7. What should I do if I’m not sure we’re a good fit?
This can be a great defining question to see if you two will get along. Therapists who welcome this question are more likely to handle feedback well down the line, which benefits both of you.
Green flag: They encourage openness and emphasize the importance of you finding the right therapist. They won’t take it personally if you want to switch.
Yellow flag: They get defensive and try to “sell” you on staying with them.
8. How do you handle it if a client wants to change how sessions are going?
Ideally, therapy should evolve with you. You want someone who can adapt if you hit a wall or want to try something new.
Notice this: A phrase like “We can explore that together” is a good sign that they’re willing to work together with you.
8 questions to ask your new therapist to build trust
If it’s taking you a while to build trust with your new therapist, don’t panic. It’s usually a slow process. After all, you’re opening up your inner world to someone who was a stranger mere days ago — of course your brain wants to know if it’s safe.
Here are some questions you can pose to feel more comfortable.
1. What can I expect from our work together, short-term and long-term?
This can help you figure out what kind of support you’ll get and how they generally envision your time together.
Green flag: They offer a flexible structure and talk about adjusting based on your needs at that current moment.
Yellow flag: They’re unclear or avoid committing to any type of direction at all.
2. How do you like to begin sessions? Is there a structure, or do we go with the flow?
Knowing how to “start” can help you ease into the session. It can also help you feel less anxious during those first few meetings.
Notice this: Notice how they respond. Do they give you tools, or make it feel like a test?
3. What’s your role in our sessions — and what’s mine?
Therapy is a collaboration. This question can help clarify whether they’ll be more active or more hands-off.
Green flag: They talk about working with you, not just what they’re going to do to you.
Yellow flag: They frame themselves as someone who knows everything.
4. What should I do if I feel uncomfortable or unsure about something that happens in a session?
Repair helps to build trust. This question tells you how they handle problems and how well they can potentially hold space for your concerns.
Notice this: Look for words like “Thanks for bringing that up,” “Let’s talk about it,” “That’s important.” This shows that they would value it just as much as you would.
5. How do you help clients when they feel stuck or overwhelmed?
You may hit a wall from time to time. When this happens, you’ll want to know what to expect. Do they pause and reflect? Do they shift direction or tactics?
Green flag: They normalize feeling that way and offer tools or grounding techniques.
Yellow flag: They seem nervous about the idea of it or try to awkwardly push through.
6. What do you notice about the way I express emotions or avoid them?
This helps to invite reflection and can help show them you’re open to insight.
Notice this: Pay attention to how they give feedback. Is it gentle and with curiosity, or does it feel judgmental?
7. How do you handle feedback or requests to shift how we work together?
This question can let you know how they handle pivoting. You’re going to grow — and your therapy and needs should grow with it.
Green flag: They seek feedback as a healthy and normal part of the process.
Yellow flag: They treat it like an insult and shut down.
8. Are there topics or emotions that you’re particularly attuned to or less experienced with?
Nobody’s perfect. It’s fair to ask where they’re most comfortable and knowledgeable, especially if you’re bringing in something more complex or sensitive.
Notice this: As they respond, pay attention to whether their answer makes you feel safer.
8 questions to ask your therapist to get to know yourself better
Typically, most of us come to therapy because something feels off. We’re exploring, and we’re trying to get to the bottom of why we’re feeling this way. One of the best ways we can do this is by starting to ask the bigger questions.
Unfortunately, these questions usually don’t come with easy answers, but they can lead to something deeper, like clarity and peace. You just have to be willing to go there. If you’re ready to ask the tough questions, here are some you can ask that can help get to the heart of what’s really going on inside you:
1. What themes or patterns have you noticed in the things I share?
It can be really hard to spot your own spirals when you’re inside them, but your therapist can offer this perspective.
Green flag: They offer patterns kindly, and without diagnosing your entire personality.
Yellow flag: They overgeneralize or sound like they’ve decided who you are.
💙 Listen to Breaking Patterns with Jay Shetty if you’re tired of going in loops.
2. Why do I tend to react so strongly to [insert recurring trigger here]?
Intense reactions are usually tied to events from your past, and this question helps you to better understand your triggers. (Here are five tips to be less reactive.)
Notice this: As they answer, pay attention to whether they help you connect the dots or if they just jump to conclusions.
3. What might I be avoiding — intentionally or not?
All of us can be avoidant at times. Asking this question can help create space for gentle exploration.
Green flag: They seem genuinely curious and don’t try to shame you.
Yellow flag: They get too psychoanalytical too fast and overwhelm you.
4. Are there parts of myself I seem disconnected from?
We can be disconnected from various parts of ourselves or have needs we need to explore. This question can help you understand yourself a bit better.
Notice this: Pay attention to how they try to help you reconnect with those parts. Do you feel seen and heard?
💙 Mindfulness can help you connect with your innermost thoughts. If you’re new to the practice, try Jeff Warren’s Mindfulness for Beginners series.
5. What are some strengths you’ve noticed in me?
A lot of the time, therapists can see your capacity before you do. By posing this question, you give them an opportunity to mirror back your capabilities.
Green flag: They highlight qualities you might have missed, like your resilience and your humor.
Yellow flag: They only talk about surface-level wins.
6. What would it look like to practice more self-compassion in my day-to-day life?
Compassion is a learned skill. Ideally, you want practical ways to show up for yourself.
Notice this: Do they offer suggestions that actually feel doable?
7. What’s one small, manageable shift I could try between sessions?
Good therapy doesn’t live in a vacuum. Taking tiny steps outside the room can eventually lead to big shifts over time.
Green flag: They tailor suggestions to where you are right now.
Yellow flag: They throw out generic advice and don’t follow up with you in future sessions.
8. What’s one belief I hold about myself that might be worth challenging?
Most of us tend to believe wrong internal narratives about ourselves. This can help you softly examine these without burning your whole identity down to the ground.
Notice this: See if they use phrases like “Let’s explore that,” and “What would it mean if that wasn’t true?”
Questions to ask your therapist FAQs
How do I know if my therapist is the right fit?
Typically, you’ll know if you've found the right therapist if they feel like someone you can slowly start to trust, especially with all the more difficult topics. Your therapist should make you feel safe, respected, and gently challenged.
Finding the right one can take time, but ask yourself if you feel more grounded after sessions and if you’re starting to hear your own voice a little more clearly. If the answer is still no after a while, it might be time to start looking for someone else.
Can I bring written questions into my therapy session?
Writing things down can be very helpful, so feel free to bring written questions into your therapy session.
Showing up with notes shows you’re someone who’s being intentional with their own healing. Having questions on hand can also help you stay focused so you get the most out of your session.
What if I feel awkward asking my therapist questions?
It’s very normal to feel awkward in therapy. It can be a weird experience at first, especially when you’re unpacking your psyche in real time with someone you don’t really know. But naming the awkwardness can help.
Just say something like, “This feels weird to ask, but…” and jump into it. A good therapist won’t flinch. Instead, they’ll hold the discomfort with you. As much as you can, remind yourself that your voice belongs in the room, even when it’s a little shaky.
What should I avoid asking a therapist?
A good rule of thumb is to avoid asking your therapist about their personal life and political views. It’s okay to be curious, but this session is about you and looking within yourself, and not about them. (Also, most therapists have boundaries around self-disclosure.)
If something feels off and you want to ask a question, feel free to ask. But be prepared for the answer to come back to your experience and not theirs.
Is it okay to switch therapists if it’s not working?
It’s more than okay to switch therapists. Sticking with a therapist that isn’t working for you is usually a waste of time for both of you. Therapy is a space where you should feel safe enough to go deep, supported enough to be vulnerable, and respected enough to ask tough questions. If that’s not happening, it’s okay to walk away and look for someone who fits better with you. You don’t owe anyone your continued discomfort.
For many people, finding the right therapist takes a few tries. It can take a bit of time to get it right.
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