How to (finally) stop worrying about what other people think
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA
Do you constantly worry if your coworker thinks you're smart or your friend's partner likes you? Learn why we care so much about others’ opinions and 10 tips to let it go.
Have you ever felt like you’re having an amazing day, and then suddenly you’re preoccupied with how you’re perceived? Is Sarah from accounting looking at you funny? And was it because you waved awkwardly when you arrived at work? (We’ve all been there.)
Caring what other people think can take a big toll on your mental health.
The pressure to be liked—or at least not misunderstood—is real. People usually want to be seen as kind and confident, and when they think they’re not coming across this way, it can cause a lot of anxiety. But the reality is, you can’t control what other people think. It’s a losing battle.
Luckily, there are ways you can start to care less about what others think about you. Here’s what you need to know to get some of your inner peace back.
Why do we care what other people think?
Let’s cut right to the chase: Your brain wants to keep you alive, and for most of human history, that has meant making sure you fit in with the tribe. If you got cast out for being too different, you could end up on your own, in potential danger from outside threats.
Nowadays, those outside threats like saber-toothed tigers are gone, but your nervous system hasn’t gotten the memo. It will still react to social rejection like it’s a full-blown threat, which is unfortunately wired in you.
In addition, we live in a culture that profits from our insecurity. Social media algorithms thrive on our need for likes, and the capitalistic system constantly sells us solutions to problems that we didn’t know we had. On top of that, many of us are conditioned in childhood and through societal expectations to always be nice and make everyone else comfortable.
All of these factors can make it easy for you to second-guess yourself, but thankfully, we can still unlearn the patterns. When you learn to accept opinions from the right people and keep your voice present even when it's hard, you can worry less about what others think of you and more about what you think of yourself.
5 signs that we care too much what others think of us
Caring about others’ opinions is very normal — and human. With that said, there’s still a fine line between healthy social awareness and spiraling every time someone sighs around you.
Here are five signs you might care too much about what others think of you:
1. You replay conversations you’ve had like a bad movie on loop: Maybe you’re constantly going over that one thing you said in a meeting, or are worried you might’ve overshared when you were in the kitchen at work.
2. Your calendar is full, but your energy is gone: This could look like saying yes when you really want to say no, or agreeing to plans or favors just to avoid disappointing someone. If you’re agreeing to tasks even if it costs you sleep, sanity, or the quiet night in you desperately needed, then it might be time to reassess.
3. You crowdsource decisions: Outsourcing your self-trust to literally everyone else, even for small decisions like cutting your hair or which sandwich you should get.
4. You shrink yourself to avoid rocking the boat: This might look like editing your thoughts, muting your real opinions, and nodding along even when you internally disagree. These behaviors can not only mean that you care too much, but they can also potentially lead to you disappearing into the background of your own life.
5. Social situations leave you emotionally hungover: Even if the hangout was fine, you leave feeling drained and overanalyzing every little moment. Spending time with your loved ones ideally shouldn't leave you feeling exhausted and convinced that you might’ve done something wrong.
How to not care what others think of you: 10 tips to drop the worry
A bit of caring about how others are feeling actually helps make you more empathetic, connected, and kind. But if you’re drifting from caring into constant cycles of worry, here are a few tips that can help you find more balance.
1. Name the fear
The next time you catch yourself spiraling, ask yourself what you’re afraid they’re thinking. Then get curious, so what if they really are?
If you’re afraid that someone thinks you’re annoying, try to play that out. If they do think that, what’s the worst-case scenario? They’re most likely not going to shame you publicly, so how much does it matter? After all, you probably find some people annoying as well.
By naming the fear and working through the scenarios, it may lose some of its power. (Here are 10 more ways to manage your negative thinking when you’re caught in a spiral.)
💙 Break out of the habits of Worry during this session with Tamara Levitt.
2. Shrink the audience
Try to imagine your life as a stage and picture the people sitting in the front row as the only ones who get to weigh in on your decisions and your path. Maybe this select group is just your family and closest friends. Or maybe it includes a mentor or two at work.
A good rule of thumb is if you wouldn’t trade lives with them, maybe don’t let their opinion hold too much weight.
3. Zero in on your values
Aim to get clear on what matters to you. Maybe it’s kindness, creativity, or rest. When you focus on internally aligning with your values, it can be a lot easier not to seek external validation.
Plus, when you start making choices based on your values instead of someone else’s expectations, it tends to get quieter in your head.
💙 Learn how to Delinate Your Values in this session with Jay Shetty.
4. Practice tiny acts of unapologetic self-expression
Say the thing you’re actually thinking (kindly) or wear the outfit you love, even if it’s super unique. Every time you show up as yourself and it goes well, you remind your nervous system that you’re still safe even when you’re acting 100 percent like yourself. That’s how confidence is built — in tiny nudges.
Here are 13 more tips to help you build your self-confidence.
5. Interrupt the spiral with a grounding pause
When your brain starts to spin out, try to come back to your body.
One way you can do this is by practicing the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding exercise: Name five things you can see, four things you can hear, three things you can feel, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste.
Coming back to the present through your senses can help interrupt your mental noise and remind yourself that your worth isn’t on trial. (These 18 other grounding techniques can also help.)
6. Remind yourself that you’re allowed to be misunderstood
As much as possible, acknowledge that not everyone needs to get you. You’re not a universal remote, you’re a complex human.
If and when people misunderstand who you are, that’s okay. You know who you are, and that’s what matters.
7. Detox your digital life
If you’re constantly scrolling through highlight reels of curated perfection on social media, it can make you second-guess your every move.
To help make your inner voice a little kinder, try to clean up your feeds and mute the influencers who make you feel bad. Ready for a deeper digital detox? Here are 12 tips to help you scroll less and live more.
8. Make peace with cringe
As much as you wish you could help it, you’re still going to be awkward sometimes. We all say weird things we regret instantly. It’s a part of being alive, and no one goes through life perfectly.
If you said something weird or awkward, try to laugh at it instead of letting it overtake you. You’re in the arena of life, not hiding in the stands, and it’s bound to get bumpy sometimes.
9. Build “proof” of your enough-ness
Thanks to the negativity bias, your brain will probably remember every not-so-great moment that happened that day, but forgets the 10 compliments that you also received.
To help combat this negativity, consider building a receipts folder, either mentally or literally, by saving the sweet messages you receive and personal wins you get. This way, when doubt creeps in, you can go back and remind yourself that you’ve done hard things and overcame them. Here are eight other ways to silence your inner critic.
💙 Consider listening to Inner Critic with Jay Shetty to help remind yourself that you’re enough just as you are.
10. Find (or build) your brave circle
Confidence is built in safe spaces where you can show up messy, unsure, and still be held. Try to spend time with people who remind you that being real is better than being perfect. Look for people in your life who clap when you take risks and not just when you succeed.
How to stop worrying about what other people think FAQs
Why do I constantly replay conversations in my head?
Replaying conversations in your head is usually just your brain trying to protect you. It’s your brain's way of protecting you from making the same mistake the next time around. But the cruel irony is that this just traps you into a feedback loop of “what ifs” and social self-surveillance.
If you tend to do this, try to pause and interrupt the thoughts when they start. You could gently say to yourself, “That moment already happened. I did the best I could with the tools I had.” And, as much as possible, try to comfort the part of you that’s afraid of the past.
How can I handle criticism without taking it personally?
Criticism typically hurts because it pokes at the most tender parts of us — the parts that are still trying to prove we’re good enough. When someone offers feedback, especially if it’s unsolicited or harsh, it can be easy to let it land like a judgment on your character instead of your actions.
Remind yourself that there’s a difference between “I did something wrong” and “I am wrong.” Another trick you could use is to ask yourself if the feedback is helpful or just mean. If it’s helpful, thank it and use it. If it’s mean, its probably more about them than you.
Either way, try to breathe before reacting and tell yourself that your worth isn’t up for debate just because someone had an opinion.
Is there a difference between caring about others' opinions and people-pleasing?
Caring about others’ opinions is usually how we form relationships and stay socially aware, but people-pleasing tends to be about contorting yourself into someone else (or pretending you don’t have needs or feelings) to avoid discomfort or conflict.
When you care about others’ opinions, you typically care about connection, and when you people-please, you usually erase a little bit of yourself.
If you’re constantly abandoning your needs to keep others happy, that’s most likely your fear dressed up in people-pleasing clothing. As much as you can, try to remind yourself that it’s not your job to manage everyone else’s emotions. Here are 10 tips to help you stop people-pleasing.
Can mindfulness help me stop worrying about what others think?
Mindfulness can give you a moment between what happens and how you react, which can help you interrupt the worry or stop it before it starts. When you catch yourself spiraling over someone’s silence, mindfulness can help you to pause and think, “Oh, that’s just my brain telling me a story.”
To help you notice your thoughts more and not let them run the show, try pausing to breathe, doing a grounding exercise, or gently observing your thoughts like passing clouds.
Doing these practices can help you return to the present instead of catastrophizing.
How can I build confidence in my own decisions?
Confidence is generally a byproduct of showing up, making choices, and surviving the fallout. It tends to grow through repetition, and you usually build it by making a decision, sitting with the discomfort, and then realizing you’re still okay even if others didn’t cheer you on.
A good way to build some confidence in your decision-making is to start small. Consider making one low-stakes decision today without polling your friend group. Then do it again tomorrow. As you do this, try to keep score of the times you trusted yourself and it worked out.
Confidence is about knowing you can handle being wrong without breaking into a million pieces.
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