What is the window of tolerance? Plus, how it helps manage stress
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA
We all have a window of tolerance. Learn more about this concept and how finding your own "window" can be a great tool to help you deal when life feels overwhelming.
Some days feel like people are out to test your limits. Your boss moves up a deadline to the end of the day, your partner gets sick, putting you on chore duty, and then, to top it all off, your car breaks down.
When all this stress piles up, you may find yourself completely overwhelmed. Or you may feel numb or disconnected. Both of these responses are signs that you’re out of your “window of tolerance,” aka your body's ability to handle stress.
When you’re outside your window, your nervous system either completely shuts down or goes into overdrive. We all have different windows — some are wide, some are tight, and they can shift without warning.
Here’s what you need to know about recognizing your window and what to do when you inevitably fall out of it.
What is the window of tolerance?
Your window of tolerance is the zone where your nervous system can function without spiraling or shutting down. It’s the sweet spot between feeling too much and feeling nothing at all.
When you’re in this window, you might be sad, frustrated, or even stressed, but you’re still capable. You can think clearly, communicate, problem-solve, and stay connected to yourself and others.
The term “window of tolerance” was first introduced by Dr. Dan Siegel, a clinical professor of psychiatry at the UCLA School of Medicine, to describe the optimal arousal zone for healthy emotional regulation. Arousal here refers to the level of activation in your nervous system. Too much arousal, and you may feel overwhelmed. Too little, and you may feel numb or checked out.
When you’re within your window, you feel:
mentally present and emotionally aware
resilient in the face of stress
able to regulate emotions and behaviors
When you’re outside your window, you fall into one of two states:
Hyperarousal: This is your nervous system in overdrive. You could feel anxious, panicked, angry, enraged, or jittery.
Hypoarousal: This is your nervous system in power-save mode. You could feel numb, shut down, dissociated, or fatigued.
How do stress and trauma affect the window of tolerance?
Stress and trauma tend to shrink your window of tolerance, which can cause even minor stressors to feel overwhelming. Trauma, especially if it’s ongoing or happened early in life, may teach your nervous system to stay on high alert or shut down entirely.
Chronic stress from work, caregiving, financial insecurity, discrimination, and burnout can also shrink your window. When you’re operating outside your window of tolerance, you’re more likely to snap, zone out, and feel detached or overstimulated.
Why is the window of tolerance important?
The window of tolerance is a way of understanding your capacity to handle what the world throws at you without spiraling or checking out completely.
When you learn to recognize and work with your window, it helps build resilience. You also start to trust yourself more and you gain tools to self-regulate instead of power through.
Tuning into your window of tolerance reminds you that your nervous system is not the enemy — it’s just trying to protect you. Here are a few ways staying within your window can positively affect you:
In relationships: You’re more likely to listen, speak with care, and resolve conflict instead of escalating it.
At work: You can focus, adapt, and problem-solve without spinning out or shutting down.
With yourself: You respond to stress with more awareness and less self-blame.
How to recognize (and stay within) your personal window of tolerance
Recognizing when you’re in—or slipping out of—your window of tolerance is a skill. And like any skill, it gets easier with practice and patience.
Here are some ways to start building that awareness and also stay anchored in your window.
1. Learn your body’s early warning signs
Everyone’s nervous system is slightly different and everyone reacts to stress differently, so pay attention to your body’s early warning signals.
Here are some signs you might be slipping into hyperarousal:
Racing heart or breath
Racing thoughts, irritability, snapping at others
Restlessness, fidgeting, panic, or spiraling into worst-case scenarios
Feeling like everything is “urgent”
Here are some signs you might be slipping into hypoarousal:
Numbness or feeling disconnected from your body
Extreme fatigue or zoning out
Struggling to think clearly or remember things
Feeling detached from emotions or surroundings
Here are common signs you’re within your window:
You feel emotionally present — even if you’re stressed.
You can handle minor frustrations without feeling crushed or enraged.
You feel connected to yourself and others.
Your thoughts are flowing but not racing.
2. Build your personal “window care kit”
Stock up on your emotional toolbox to build resilience from overwhelm and stress.
When you’re feeling hyperaroused, try one (or all) of these techniques:
Deepen your breath: Inhale for four counts, exhaling for six counts.
Cool your body down: Splash your face with cold water or hold an ice cube.
Ground through the senses: Name five things you can see, four you can touch, three you can hear, two you can smell, and one you can taste.
Find heavy pressure: Weighted blankets mimic a calming response. A heavy comforter, tight hugs, or lying on the floor works too.
When you’re feeling hypoaroused, try one (or all) of these techniques:
Move your body gently: Stretch, shake your arms out, wiggle your toes.
Name what you’re feeling out loud: Speaking brings you out of freeze mode and back toward connection.
Reconnect through micro-connections: Comment on a friend’s story. Send a heart emoji. You don’t need to be chatty or hop on the phone. You just need to be reminded you’re not alone.
3. Create mini daily check-ins
Sprinkle small self-checks throughout your day. They don’t need to be long — it could just be a 10-second gut check. Small check-ins help build your body-mind connection.
Here are some check-ins to try:
Morning: “What’s my overall feeling as I head into today?”
Midday: “Am I moving toward calm or chaos?”
Evening: “What helped me stay steady today? What didn’t?”
(Here are 10 other mindfulness questions to help check in on how you’re feeling during the day.)
💙 Reconnect with your mind and body by listening to Mel Mah’s Check In With Yourself session.
4. Set up tiny safety rituals
Tiny, repeatable rituals help tell your nervous system that you’re okay. Here are few easy ones you could try:
Light a candle at your desk before starting work
Take three mindful breaths before opening your inbox
Rub your hands together and feel the warmth
Drink a hot beverage slowly, then notice the smell, taste, and warmth
5. Adjust your expectations when life gets crunchy
Life throws curveballs, and none of us are perfect. Your nervous system’s occasionally going to short-circuit — and that’s okay. When this happens, remind yourself to be self-compassionate.
Instead of telling yourself, “I should be able to handle this better.” Try: “Wow, this is a lot. What’s one small thing I can do to support myself right now?”
(Here are five other exercises that can help you practice self-compassion.)
6. Write a list of your “red flags” and “green flags”
When you know the signals for being inside or outside your window, you can respond faster and more softly. Try making a list to get to know yourself better.
Your red flags could be:
Canceling everything last-minute
Snapping at friends for no reason
Eating cereal out of the box for dinner
Losing time to endless scrolling
Your green flags could be:
Laughing at stupid memes
Actually tasting your food
Being able to make small plans
Feeling curious about other people’s lives
7. Have a rescue plan for when you’re already out of your window
No matter how much you try, there will still be moments when you find yourself deep in the weeds. To help yourself in these moments, here are some emergency grounding strategies:
Put your feet flat on the floor and press down. Feel the ground.
Hold something cold, like ice or frozen peas
Whisper to yourself, “I’m safe right now. This feeling will pass.”
Find one thing in your space that feels safe or comforting like a pillow, a color, or a plant. Then focus on it for 30 seconds.
💙 Listen to Grounding with Tamara Levitt to help bring you back to the present when you're out of your window.
8. Celebrate “returning to the window” moments
When you feel yourself return to your window, acknowledge it. No matter what tools you used, finding emotional regulation again is worth celebrating.
Plus, the more time you take to honor these moments, the easier it will be to trust yourself to do it again in the future.
Window of tolerance FAQs
What is the window of tolerance?
The window of tolerance is the range of emotional intensity you can comfortably tolerate before becoming dysregulated. When you’re within your window, your nervous system is balanced enough for you to feel emotions, think clearly, and respond intentionally — even during stress.
When you’re outside your window, your brain shifts into survival mode. It either ramps up into hyperarousal or shuts down into hypoarousal.
Can your window of tolerance change over time?
Your window can absolutely change over time. It can narrow during times of chronic stress, trauma, burnout, or lack of sleep. On the flip side, it can also expand with support, rest, therapy, and even consistent micro-moments of safety and connection.
Your window is dynamic, not fixed. In general, it reflects your overall sense of safety and capacity.
What’s the difference between hyperarousal and hypoarousal?
Hyperarousal and hypoarousal are the two common states that happen when you’re outside your window.
When you experience hyperarousal, your nervous system goes into fight-or-flight mode. As a result, you might feel anxious, angry, panicked, or like you’re running on adrenaline.
On the other hand, hypoarousal feels like too little energy. You might feel numb, disconnected, exhausted, or frozen. Both of these states are valid nervous system responses that can be softened with grounding tools, body-based practices, and connection. (Here are 18 grounding techniques to try.)
How can I tell if I’m outside my window in real time?
A good way to tell is when you feel your heart racing, your chest tightening, and your thoughts suddenly get loud, or completely vanish. You could also lose track of time or suddenly find yourself snapping or crying.
If something feels “off” or overwhelming, you may have slipped outside your window. When this happens, avoid judging it. Instead, simply notice it, and support yourself back to balance.
What should I do if I can’t stay in my window?
Be gentle with yourself, no one lives in their window all the time. If you get knocked out of yours, it just means your nervous system is doing what it’s wired to do.
When you’re out of your window of tolerance, aim to ground yourself by deepening your breath, moving your body, or reaching out to someone who feels safe. You could also hold a warm mug or step outside for 30 seconds. If nothing works immediately, that’s okay. The goal isn’t perfection — it’s gentle reconnection.
Calm your mind. Change your life.
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