What is an open relationship? Plus, how to know if it's right for you
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA
Curious about open relationships? We break down what they are, the potential pros and cons, and how to know if an open relationship is right for you and your partner.
Every relationship is its own little world, shaped by unique needs, boundaries, and choices. For some, that means sharing a home but not a closet. For others, it means having a partnership, but not getting married. And for some folks, it means redefining what commitment looks like.
Open relationships tend to spark curiosity and confusion because the idea of loving more than one person—and expanding past traditional monogamy—can challenge everything we’ve been taught about what “real” love is supposed to be.
But here’s the truth: there is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to romance and intimacy, and that’s one of the things that makes romantic relationships so special. Many people have found deep fulfillment in coloring outside the traditional relationship lines.
So whether you’re seriously considering an open relationship, mildly intrigued by them, or simply hoping to understand someone else’s choices, you’re in the right place.
We’re breaking down the myths and offering a clear, grounded look at what open relationships are—and what they aren’t—so you can decide what feels right for you, or support someone you care about without judgment.
What is an open relationship?
To put it plainly, an open relationship is a committed partnership where both people agree—clearly and consensually—that it’s okay to explore romantic or sexual connections with others.
Many people think this relationship style comes with zero boundaries, but in most cases, it’s actually the opposite. Many open relationships come with a whole plethora of boundaries; they’re just different from the ones you may be familiar with from monogamous relationships. These boundaries might be around what each person is allowed to do, who they’re allowed to do it with, and where these interactions are allowed to happen.
And just like every couple is unique, every open relationship is different. Some couples prefer casual hookups, while others like to build deep emotional bonds with a couple of partners.
In general, the commonalities that most open relationships share are transparency, choice, and a commitment to doing the work to be together.
5 types of open relationships
Open relationships come in many different forms. Here are five of the most common types:
1. Polyamory: Involves multiple loving, emotionally connected relationships, with full consent and communication.
2. Swinging: This type involves couples exploring sexual encounters with others, usually together and in social settings. It’s often more about physical variety than emotional bonding.
3. Relationship anarchy: Throws out traditional hierarchies. There’s no default “primary” partner in this style. Each relationship is shaped by mutual agreement, rather than social norms.
4. Monogamish: Mostly monogamous, but with some agreed-upon flexibility. This could mean occasional hookups or travel-specific exceptions.
5. Privacy-first agreements: Partners allow outside connections but agree not to share details. This can create emotional space in the primary relationship, and the main emphasis in this style is trust and not avoidance.
Why some people choose open relationships
Open relationships are a different structure that works for some people, some of the time. Here’s why:
Desire for variety: You love your partner, but you’re still curious. You want to explore without losing the connection you’ve built. Openness can honor both freedom and stability.
Mismatch in needs: Not all couples align perfectly on libido, kinks, or emotional needs. Openness can provide a compassionate alternative to long-term sacrifice or conflict.
Personal growth: Being open can uncover who you are when you’re not confined to just one relationship. It’s self-discovery by way of human connection.
Ethical or philosophical values: Some people don’t see love as something to be owned. They choose openness because it matches their belief system about autonomy and abundance.
Strengthened communication: Ironically, navigating openness often deepens trust. It demands more honesty and more check-ins. Both of these strengthen bonds.
What are the benefits and potential pitfalls of an open relationship?
Like any relationship model, open relationships come with a mix of pros and cons. Here are some things to be aware of before diving into one:
The potential benefits
1. Deeper communication: Navigating openness demands honesty about sex, jealousy, needs, and boundaries. This kind of real communication builds stronger connections.
2. Expanded intimacy: Openness creates space for emotional, physical, and romantic intimacy. This can deepen your sense of self.
3. Personal growth: Open relationships invite reflection. They can cause you to learn about yourself in surprising, empowering, and even uncomfortable ways.
4. Sexual exploration: This style can provide a safe space for consensual exploration, especially ones that maybe your partner isn’t interested in.
5. More autonomy: It can help you maintain a strong sense of self, rather than pouring everything into one person or one relationship.
The potential pitfalls
1. Jealousy: This is normal and human. The key is learning how to name it, talk about it, and not let it consume you.
2. Emotional overload: Navigating multiple connections means managing more feelings, more logistics, and, many times, more exhaustion.
3. Miscommunication: One person’s “casual” could be another’s “soulmate.” Clarity is essential, or things can get messy fast.
4. Time and energy drain: More people mean more plans, more processing, and more check-ins. If your bandwidth is low, this can be a lot.
5. Social stigma: You may face judgment from others and from your own internalized beliefs. If your loved ones don’t get it, it can be very isolating.
How to know if an open relationship is right for you
Deciding to be in an open relationship is a big decision. It can change up your whole life, but it also doesn’t necessarily have to. You and your partner get to decide what type of open relationship you would want. If you’re considering one, here are 10 factors to consider ahead of time.
1. Start with your "why"
Before you bring this up with a partner, get brutally honest with yourself. Ask yourself why you’re drawn to the idea of openness. Is it about exploring identity, unmet needs, more freedom?
To help you figure it out, try journaling or talking it out with a friend you trust. The clearer you are on your motivations, the less likely you’ll get sideswiped by surprises later on.
(Here are 10 other mindful questions you can ask to check in with yourself.)
2. Check your emotional capacity
Open relationships require a high tolerance for discomfort, ambiguity, and big emotions. One of the main issues open couples may face is jealousy. If the thought of your partner being with someone else has you seeing green, then an open relationship may not be for you.
Also, if you have an anxious attachment style or issues around trust, this more ambiguous type of relationship could trigger past traumas or discomforts. Be clear on your emotional capacity before you dip your toe into the pool of polyamory or non-monogamy.
3. Assess your communication skills
Can you name what you’re feeling while you’re feeling it? Can you talk about insecurity and boundaries without spiraling into blame? Can your partner? Open relationships need a lot of communication. If you two aren’t the best at communication, consider practicing having tough conversations before opening up your relationship.
To better prepare, talk about hypothetical scenarios and ask your partner questions like, “What does safety look like for you?”
Here are seven other tips that can help you communicate your needs in a relationship.
4. Get real about time and energy
More relationships mean more emotional labor and more logistics. If you’re already stretched thin, ask yourself where this new bandwidth is going to come from.
If the idea of scheduling two dinner dates in one week makes you overwhelmed, you might not have the capacity right now. And that’s okay.
5. Talk about boundaries before bodies
Don’t wait until after someone hooks up with someone else to set expectations. Talk early, talk often. Ask your partner things like what’s allowed, what’s off-limits, and how many details they would want to know. Doing this can help you both stay emotionally connected.
Here are some other questions you could ask:
Can we date mutual friends?
Are overnight stays okay?
What’s the protocol for safer sex?
Are emotional connections on the table, or just physical?
💙 Strengthen your emotional limits by listening to A Secret to Better Boundaries with Jeff Warren.
6. Get on the same emotional page
Just because you and your partner agree to try openness doesn’t mean you’re both emotionally aligned. One person could be quietly freaking out while the other one might already have someone in mind. Pause and check in with your person.
Ask questions like:
“What’s scaring you most about this?”
“What would make this feel safe for you?”
“What do you need from me to feel secure as we try this?”
If the answers are vague or avoidant, make sure you get to the bottom of those feelings before going any further.
7. Don’t skip the aftercare
Emotions will come up. Even with consent and even with love. The first time your partner goes on a date, you might feel fine, but you also might unexpectedly unravel.
Plan for aftercare. After the date, set aside some time to check in and reconnect. This could also be a time to offer support and remind each other that your foundation is still intact. You could also plan a movie night or just carve out time for cuddles.
8. Consider starting therapy
A nonjudgmental third party can help you explore your motivations, process fears, and improve your communication. Therapy—either individual or couples sessions—can help you navigate emotional landmines before they explode.
As a good rule of thumb, look for therapists experienced in non-monogamy or relationship diversity.
9. Know that it might change your relationship
Opening up a relationship can deepen intimacy, force overdue conversations, and reveal truths you hadn’t been ready to face. Sometimes this strengthens the bond. Other times, it shows you that what you really want is different from what your partner needs.
If that happens, know that this doesn’t mean your relationship failed. It just means you both learned something real.
💙 Consider listening to Tamara Levitt’s Love and Relationships series to navigate a changing relationship.
10. Don’t do it just to “save” your relationship
This relationship style isn’t a quick fix for a connection that’s lost its spark. They’re more like an emotional amplifier — whatever’s already there will likely get louder.
If you feel like your relationship’s on shaky ground, focus on healing and rebuilding before opening up. You don’t want being open to drive a wedge in an existing relationship.
What is an open relationship FAQs
What does an open relationship mean, by definition?
An open relationship is one in which both partners agree that it’s okay to pursue romantic or sexual relationships outside of their own. Everyone involved is aware of the agreement and on board. At its core, this relationship style is a way to honor individuality within a partnership. It's not about loving less — it’s often about making room to love differently.
How do you set healthy boundaries in an open relationship?
A good way to set boundaries in an open relationship is to co-create them and to have them be fluid. This means they evolve as your feelings and experiences evolve.
Start by asking each other questions: What feels okay? What feels off-limits? What kind of communication do you two need before or after dates? Your goal should be to protect your relationship so it can actually hold all of the openness.
Here are eight more tips to help you set healthy boundaries in your relationship.
Can open relationships work long-term?
Open relationships can definitely work out long-term. The key is to make sure they’re built on mutual trust, regular communication, and a shared willingness to adapt. Just like any other kind of partnership, they’ll still require intentional maintenance.
Also, “working” long-term can look different depending on who you are. Some open relationships last decades. Others are part of a chapter. The success shouldn’t be measured by duration — it should be measured by how well it aligned with your values, growth, and connection over time.
Is jealousy normal in open relationships?
It’s very normal. Jealousy is a human emotion we all have. If you experience it in your open relationship, focus on how you respond to it. Let it become your teacher. Ask questions like: What does this feeling reveal about my fears and my needs?
You don’t need to eliminate jealousy from your life. Instead, try to build emotional tools to work through jealousy without letting it consume you. Feeling jealous can often signal that it’s time to communicate.
How do I talk to my partner about wanting an open relationship?
Start gently, and lead with honesty. Also, avoid pressuring your partner or bringing it up in the middle of a fight.
You could say, “I’ve been thinking about different ways people build relationships, and I’m curious about what it would look like for us to talk about that too.” Expect a range of reactions and give your partner space to feel them all. It might take several conversations before you decide collectively what you want.
In general, approach this talk with curiosity and not certainty. This is about exploring together and making sure both of you get your needs met.
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