Are the ‘terrible twos’ real? All about two-year-old milestones
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA
Two-year-old milestones can be messy, magical, and confusing. Learn what’s normal, when to get help, and 8 tips to ease the chaos.
Remember when your toddler was relatively agreeable? They ate what you gave them, they’d let you help them with basic tasks, and bedtime was a relatively straightforward process. But then, around their second birthday, they suddenly seem to find their voice.
“No” is their new favorite word, they insist on doing everything themselves, and their emotions are all over the place. One minute, they’re coming to you for a hug, and the next, they’re inconsolable because you peeled the banana (that they asked for).
There’s a reason why this age is often called the “terrible twos,” but the truth is, these defiant moments are signs of growth. Around two, children go through a massive leap in emotional, cognitive, and physical development. They’re starting to understand more than they can say, feel emotions they can’t quite manage, and test boundaries to better understand what they can and can’t do.
It’s exhilarating and exhausting all at the same time — and may cause you to wonder, “How do I handle this?”
Here’s everything you need to know about this stage, why it can feel so intense, and how to support your child (and yourself).
What are two-year-old milestones?
Milestones are commonly observed developmental markers that most children reach around a certain age. At two years old, they can help you track growth across five key areas: language, motor skills, social-emotional development, cognitive abilities, and self-care.
It’s important to note that milestones are not rigid expectations, but general indicators that can help you understand your child’s progress and needs. Think of them less as a checklist and more as a compass. If your child is heading in a generally forward direction—even with a few detours—that’s a positive sign. Every child has their own timeline and goes at their own pace.
Still, understanding what’s typical around age two can give you a grounded reference point, help you recognize emerging skills, and notice when something might warrant a closer look.
Why two-year-olds can be so tricky
Two-year-olds are so tricky because they’re in the thick of massive change. At this age, toddlers are becoming aware of their autonomy, but they don’t necessarily have the ability to communicate clearly or regulate their emotions.
This developmental mismatch can lead to defiance, meltdowns, and constant testing of limits. It’s why one minute they might insist on doing everything by themselves, and the next, they’re sobbing that you asked if they wanted more peas.
This can be exhausting, but reminding yourself that your child is simply learning how to exist in the world can help you respond with empathy rather than frustration.
5 types of two-year-old milestones (and what to expect from them)
Every child develops at their own pace. No matter what your child is doing, here are five key areas where big changes are happening — and what you might notice along the way.
1. Language milestones
By age two, a lot of toddlers can say around 50 words and start combining them into simple phrases like “want more” or “go outside.” They might also begin to refer to themselves by name and follow simple directions like “Sit down.” They usually start to understand tone and emotion, too.
What to expect:
Mispronunciations, repetition, and creative word mashups
Lots of questions like, “Why?”
Frustration when they feel misunderstood
Read more: How to handle toddler tantrums? Try these 7 tips & techniques
2. Motor milestones
They may be walking more confidently, running, kicking, or throwing balls. And because they’re starting to develop fine motor skills, they may have more interest in using utensils, turning book pages, and stacking blocks.
What to expect:
A desire to do everything themselves, especially with getting dressed or eating
Increased coordination, but still plenty of spills and tumbles
Constant testing of limits
3. Cognitive milestones
Toddlers may begin to engage in simple pretend play, complete basic puzzles, and start mimicking adult behaviors. They can also begin to understand concepts like size, shape, and cause and effect.
What to expect:
A growing ability to focus for a few minutes at a time
An early understanding of routines
Curiosity about how things work
4. Emotional milestones
At this age, they have big feelings, but they don’t yet have the tools to manage them effectively. That’s why they can go from joy to despair in a couple of seconds. Many two-year-olds also show early signs of empathy and emotional awareness.
What to expect:
Frequent tantrums, especially when they’re tired, overstimulated, or frustrated
Shyness in new situations
Early expressions of affection
5. Social milestones
They start to show more interest in other kids, engaging in parallel play — a normal stage of social development. This is how they learn how to share space, observe others, and practice turn-taking.
What to expect:
Imitations of peers and adults
Possessiveness over toys
The beginning of cooperative play, especially with familiar kids or siblings
How to handle the milestones: 8 tips to support your two-year-old’s development
Raising a toddler can be challenging, but there are a few strategies that can help you support their development and stay grounded at the same time.
Here are eight ways to ride the ups and downs of this very specific stage.
1. Name and validate their feelings
Toddlers feel deeply, but they don’t yet have the words to explain what’s happening inside. When their emotions overwhelm them, they may react with tantrums, tears, or hitting. By helping them build their emotional vocabulary, you’re also teaching them that feelings are manageable.
What helps:
Using simple language to name what they’re feeling: “You’re mad because I said no to another snack.”
Noting the emotion without rushing to fix it: “It’s okay to feel disappointed. I’m here with you.”
Acknowledging big feelings. “You’re fine” might seem soothing, but it can make them feel dismissed.
Read more: Toddler tantrums: what causes them & 6 ways to deal with them
2. Offer choices to build autonomy
Power struggles often come from a toddler’s drive for independence. Providing small and safe choices throughout the day allows them to feel in control, even though they’re not.
What helps:
Letting them choose between two snacks: “Do you want the banana or the apple?”
Framing routines as collaborative exercises by asking, “Do you want to brush your teeth before or after your bath?”
3. Create predictable routines
A consistent rhythm helps toddlers feel secure. Knowing what comes next can help reduce anxiety and prevent meltdowns.
What helps:
Using a visual schedule with pictures for daily routines
Narrating transitions: “After lunch, we’re going to read a story before nap.”
Keeping bedtime routines consistent
Read more: Sleep anxiety in children: 10 ways to help kids sleep better
4. Model and practice skills during calm moments
When a toddler is in the middle of a tantrum, they’re not in a state to learn. But during calm moments, you can help them build skills such as taking turns and using their words to ask for help.
What helps:
Modeling scenarios during play: “Oh no, your teddy bear is sad! What can we do to help the bear feel better?”
Using books and toys to introduce new concepts
💙 Learn how to create a more mindful environment for your toddler during the Conscious Parenting masterclass with Dr. Shefali Tsabary.
5. Set boundaries with empathy and consistency
Boundaries help toddlers feel safe, and when they’re paired with connection, it builds trust. A consistent and calm tone can also help reduce power struggles, even if they don’t end up getting their way.
What helps:
Using clear language: “I won’t let you hit. Hitting hurts.”
Telling them what they can do instead of what’s off limits: “If you’re angry, you can squeeze a pillow or jump up and down.”
Being ready for pushback and repeating the boundary calmly, even when your toddler screams.
6. Encourage play — and join in when you can
Two-year-olds build motor skills, language, empathy, and problem-solving through play. Play is also a powerful way to connect. Even just 10 minutes of undivided playtime a day can strengthen your bond and improve cooperation.
What helps:
Letting them lead the play — even if it’s repetitive
Creating space for physical play to help release stress
7. Take care of your own nervous system
Raising a two-year-old is demanding, and your patience may wear thin at times. Remember that repair matters more than getting it right every time. If you lose your temper, consider saying something like, “I got upset earlier, and I’m sorry. I love you.”
What helps:
Building in micro-breaks where you can
Having go-to regulation tools
💙 Learn simple tools to support your well-being as you navigate the whirlwind of parenting during the Ease Parenting Stress series with Jeff Warren.
8. Know when to zoom out
Some days will be full of tears and defiance — and that’s okay. In those moments, remind yourself that you’re just trying to meet your child where they are, and that means you’re doing something right.
What helps:
Tracking patterns and trying to figure out their triggers
Remembering that this is a season, not a forever state
Celebrating small wins
Read more: How to forgive yourself: 5 ways to boost self-compassion
Two year old milestones FAQs
What should a two-year-old be able to do?
Most two-year-olds can walk, say a handful of words, and follow simple directions. They may also express an interest in everyday tasks like brushing their teeth or putting on their shoes. Some even show preferences for people, routines, or toys.
Still, keep in mind that development happens at different paces for every child. Some kids are chatty but cautious physically, while others climb furniture but say very little. It’s the overall picture that matters more than any single specific skill.
How do I know if my two-year-old is behind?
Developmental timelines aren’t fixed. That said, if your child isn’t using any words, doesn’t respond to their name, avoids eye contact, or doesn’t show interest in playing with you or others, it might be worth checking in with a pediatrician.
Trust your instincts. If something feels off, it’s more than okay to ask for guidance.
What are the signs of a developmental delay at age two?
A lack of verbal communication, not imitating actions or words, little interest in playing with others, and limited emotional expression are all signs of a developmental delay at age two. Difficulty walking steadily or using their hands with coordination could also be indicators.
Keep in mind that some variation is normal, and delays don’t automatically mean long-term challenges. If you’re concerned, consider getting support. Starting that conversation doesn’t mean anything is “wrong,” just that you’re being proactive.
Do all two-year-olds throw tantrums?
Two-year-olds throw tantrums to express frustration, overwhelm, or confusion when they don’t have the words to manage their big emotions.
Some kids have frequent, intense meltdowns, while others are more low-key. What matters most is how you support them through those moments. When caregivers respond with calm consistency, toddlers learn that feelings are okay and manageable.
When should I get help for two-year-old milestones?
If your child isn’t hitting several expected milestones or if their behavior feels especially difficult to manage, it’s okay to ask for help. You could reach out to your pediatrician, a speech pathologist, or an early intervention program.
Also, you don’t need a formal diagnosis to benefit from extra help. Early support is typically accessible and can be very effective.
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