What is positive parenting? Plus, 10 tips to try it for yourself

Women's HealthParenting

Jul 11

Written By Calm Editorial Team

Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA

Positive parenting isn’t about being soft — it’s about raising confident, resilient kids. Here’s how it works, the potential benefits, and 10 tips to help you practice.

It’s been said that parenting is the hardest job in the world — and for good reason. Between handling work stress, day-to-day responsibilities, and the sheer emotional bandwidth it takes to keep everyone alive and (somewhat) regulated, it’s no wonder so many parents feel so overwhelmed. And, no wonder so many turn to parenting experts for advice on the “right” way to do things.

While every family needs something different, positive parenting might be a tool that works for you.

Positive parenting isn’t about being a perfect parent. At its core, it’s a mindset shift — one that prioritizes connection over control and curiosity over criticism. It’s about treating your child not as a problem to fix, but as a person to guide, especially when they’re melting down in the cereal aisle.

Let’s unpack what positive parenting actually means, explore why so many families are giving it a try, and offer a few simple ways to bring it into your daily chaos.

What is positive parenting?

Positive parenting is a parenting approach rooted in mutual respect, emotional connection, and healthy family boundaries. It focuses on nurturing a strong parent-child relationship while helping kids develop emotional regulation, responsibility, and resilience.

This approach was influenced by the work of psychologist Alfred Adler, who emphasized the importance of belonging and significance in children’s lives. Over time, positive parenting has evolved with support from research in child development, attachment theory, and neuroscience. And while it has gained buzz recently on parenting blogs and social media, it’s not a trend, but rather a tool backed by decades of scientific research and practical experience.

Many people who adopt positive parenting approaches believe that children are more likely to thrive when they feel safe, seen, and supported. They think that when kids know their emotions are valid and their voices matter, they’re more open to learning, cooperating, and growing, not just to avoid punishment, but because they feel understood.

Positive parenting doesn’t ignore discipline — it simply redefines it. Instead of using fear or shame to shape behavior, it guides children with empathy, consistency, and clear expectations. Hopefully, this means fewer power struggles and better problem-solving.

In real life, positive parenting can look like:

Kneeling to your child’s level to talk about what happened instead of yelling across the room
Naming emotions out loud instead of dismissing them with “you’re fine”
Offering choices within boundaries like “You can brush your teeth before or after your pajamas,” rather than issuing ultimatums

With small and intentional shifts, positive parenting can create a nurturing home environment where kids learn not just what to do, but why it matters.

Pros and cons of positive parenting

Like every parenting style, positive parenting has its pros and cons. It’s not a magical fix, but it can reshape the emotional climate of your home in meaningful ways. Still, it’s worth knowing both the benefits and the challenges before diving in.

Pros of positive parenting

1. It can strengthen your connection with your child: When you approach your child with empathy and curiosity, even when they’re at their worst, you send a powerful message that they’re loved no matter what. That kind of emotional safety builds long-term trust and resilience. Kids raised in this kind of environment tend to be more open, secure, and willing to come to you when things get hard.

2. It can encourage better behavior over time: Research shows that kids respond better to positive reinforcement and respectful communication than to punishment and fear. Positive parenting focuses on teaching skills (like problem-solving and emotional regulation) rather than punishing mistakes. That makes it more effective long-term, even if the short-term results are less immediate than a timeout or threat of being grounded.

3. It can model emotional intelligence: Every time you stay calm in a tough moment, acknowledge feelings, or take responsibility for your own behavior, you’re showing your child what healthy emotional regulation looks like. Over time, they internalize that.

Cons of positive parenting

1. It may take serious patience (and emotional stamina): Positive parenting often asks you to pause, breathe, and respond thoughtfully. In moments when your entire nervous system is screaming, it’s not always easy or even realistic, and in some situations, it may not feel effective either.

2. It can feel confusing or vague without clear examples: Concepts like “connection before correction” sound beautiful on paper, but when your toddler is shoving peas up their nose or your teen is slamming doors, what does that actually mean? Without support or concrete tools, it can feel like you’re flailing in feel-good language that doesn’t always translate to real life.

The takeaway?

Positive parenting can be incredibly powerful, but it’s not a shortcut or a cure-all. It’s a practice, and it works best when you have support, grace for yourself, and the freedom to try again when you inevitably lose your cool.

How to practice positive parenting: 10 tips to try

You don’t need to be an expert in remaining calm to start experimenting with positive parenting. The goal isn’t to parent perfectly, because that’s impossible. What you’re trying to do is build stronger connections and respectfully guide your child’s behavior.

Here are 10 realistic ways to bring this practice into your daily routine, even when things feel like a mess.

1. Validate their emotions, even if you disagree with the behavior

Instead of jumping straight to discipline, start by acknowledging what your child is feeling, whether it’s anger, sadness, or guilt.

“You’re really angry because your brother took your toy. That’s frustrating.”

Validating an emotion doesn’t mean you’re okay with hitting or yelling, but it can help them feel seen. This creates a sense of safety and helps defuse emotional tension.

2. Stay curious instead of reactive

When your kid lashes out or melts down, try figuring out what’s driving their behavior. Are they tired? Overstimulated? Hungry? Feeling disconnected?

Behavior is communication, especially for young kids. When you shift from asking “What’s wrong with them?” to “What’s happening for them?” you open the door to empathy — and more effective responses from your kids.

💙 Practice Holding Space for your child’s big emotions and watch how it can benefit the way you and your kid communicate.

3. Use consistent routines to create predictability

Kids thrive on routine, especially when life feels unpredictable. Consistent bedtimes, screen-time limits, or after-school rituals help them feel secure and reduce meltdowns caused by sudden transitions.

Try to create rhythms that work for your family, and stick to them when you can. Routines can even be fun!

4. Offer choices within boundaries

Giving kids a sense of agency over how they spend their time helps prevent power struggles. Instead of issuing orders to them, try talking about them instead, and give them a choice.

“Do you want to wear the red shirt or the green one?” or “Would you rather clean up blocks or books first?” are great places to start.

The key is to offer choices you’re okay with instead of opening up an endless negotiation. Think of it as manageable autonomy that still allows you, the parent, a sense of control.

5. Practice calm discipline, not permissiveness

Positive parenting doesn’t mean letting everything slide or allowing your children to call all the shots. Boundaries are essential and healthy.

Try saying, “It’s okay to be mad, but it’s never okay to hit. I’ll help you find another way to show how you feel.”

Follow through on consequences (like removing a toy that was used aggressively) without yelling or shaming. Calm enforcement teaches accountability with respect.

6. Share your own emotions and coping skills

Model to your kids what you want them to learn. When you feel frustrated, try saying, “I’m feeling overwhelmed, so I’m going to take a few deep breaths to feel better.”

This display shows your child that emotions are normal and that they’re also manageable. It also helps them develop a language for their own feelings.

Read more: 11 ways to deal with mom rage without the shame or spiral (works for dads, too!)

7. Repair after conflict (and do it every time)

You will lose your cool. You will raise your voice. You will go straight to punishment. That’s not a failure. It’s normal, but it does open the door to modeling repair.

After things calm down, try saying, “I’m sorry I yelled. That wasn’t fair to you. I was feeling stressed, and I’m working on handling it better.”

Apologizing to your child builds trust and teaches accountability. It also shows that love isn’t dependent on perfection — yours or theirs.

💙 Learn how to Recover Faster after a tough moment with your kid in this session from the Ease Parenting Stress Series with Jeff Warren.

8. Catch them doing something right

Positive reinforcement is powerful, so practice it. Instead of only reacting when things go wrong, notice when they go well. You can say, “I saw how you helped your sister. That was kind.”

You can also say, “Thanks for starting your homework without being reminded. That’s really responsible.”

This helps your child build a positive sense of self, not one that’s only shaped by criticism.

9. Use connection as a preventative tool

Kids often act out when they’re running low on connection. Even five minutes of quality time can refill their tank. Try:

Playing a quick game
Cuddling and reading a short story
Letting them lead the activity for a few minutes

10. Care for yourself as much as you care for them

You can’t co-regulate with your child if you’re running on fumes. Parenting is relentless. You deserve compassion, too. Self-care in this season of life might look like the following:

Asking for help from your partner, friends, or family
Taking three deep breaths in the bathroom
Eating something before your blood sugar crashes

For more, check out these 20+ self-care practice ideas to try for yourself.

💙 Practice this Breath SOS meditation with Jeff Warren to pour back into yourself.

Positive parenting FAQs

What’s the main goal of positive parenting?

The primary goal of positive parenting is to build strong, respectful relationships between parents and children that support emotional growth, healthy behavior, and long-term resilience. Instead of focusing on obedience through fear or control, this approach helps kids internalize values like empathy, responsibility, and self-regulation.

The goal is to raise children who feel safe, seen, and capable, and not just compliant in the moment, but emotionally equipped for life.

What are the benefits of positive parenting?

There’s growing evidence that positive parenting leads to a wide range of benefits for both kids and caregivers. Children raised with this approach tend to have better emotional regulation, fewer behavioral issues, stronger social skills, and a more secure sense of self.

It also reduces parental stress and guilt by encouraging connection over perfection. When you prioritize empathy, consistency, and repair, it boosts trust and lowers the emotional turbulence at home, which can make even the rough days a little more manageable.

Does positive parenting work for older kids or teens?

Positive parenting works for all ages, and it can be especially impactful during the tween and teen years, when kids are craving autonomy but still deeply need connection. While the tools might look a little different, the principles remain the same with respect, boundaries, and emotional attunement being at the center.

Teens benefit from being listened to, trusted, and included in problem-solving. Positive parenting helps shift the dynamic from power struggles to partnership, while still holding firm to boundaries and rules. Here are 10 tips to help you support your teen's mental health.

Is positive parenting the same as gentle parenting?

Positive parenting and gentle parenting overlap in many ways, as both emphasize empathy, emotional regulation, and respectful communication, but they’re not the same.

Gentle parenting often focuses on honoring a child’s emotions and minimizing all forms of correction, while positive parenting still strongly supports discipline through structure, natural consequences, and age-appropriate expectations. (Here’s how to know if gentle parenting is right for you.)

Think of positive parenting as a more structured cousin of gentle parenting — compassionate, yes, but with clearly defined boundaries.

What are some quick positive parenting tips to try?

If you’re just starting out, start small. Narrate what your child might be feeling. You could say, “You’re upset because you wanted that toy,” to help them feel understood. Offer choices when possible to reduce power struggles. Swap “Why did you do that?” with “What happened?” to keep conversations open and non-shaming.

And when you inevitably snap or yell, circle back to apologize, reconnect with them (and yourself), and remind them that everyone is learning, including you. These tiny shifts can have a big ripple effect over time.

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Calm Editorial Team