How to cope with a friend breakup: 12 tips to help you deal

Relationships

Jul 4

Written By Calm Editorial Team

Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA

Just like in romantic relationships, friend breakups can be confusing and painful. Explore why it may be so tough and 12 mindful tips to help you get through it.

When you go through a romantic breakup, your friends are the ones who come over, armed with ice cream and tissues, ready to just be there for you. But what happens when you go through a friend breakup? Who comes to your rescue? So often, ending a friendship isn’t treated with the same level of care, even though it can be just as painful.

Friends are often part of your most cherished memories, so when a friendship ends, it can feel like losing a big part of yourself. And these breakups don’t always come with a final talk or a sense of closure. This can leave you feeling confused or hurt, wondering if the connection you had was even that important.

We’re here to say that all friendships matter, even if they only last for a season. If you’re grieving the loss, your pain deserves care. Here are some healthy ways to process your feelings and move forward.

What is a friend breakup?

A friend breakup is when a close friendship ends or it fundamentally changes in a way that feels like a loss. Sometimes, it happens suddenly after a big argument. Other times, it’s quieter. Maybe you stop texting, or they just stop responding.

Generally, we don’t talk about friend breakups as much as romantic ones, which means many of us don’t have the tools to process and navigate one when it happens to us. There are countless articles and books to turn to when you break up with your partner, but less so when a friendship ends.

And the truth is that ending a friendship can disrupt your feelings of emotional safety and even break your heart.

Here are some of the most common reasons for a friend breakup:

Life changes: One of you moves, gets into a relationship, has a baby, or gets pulled into a new career rhythm.
Misalignment: Your values shift, and communication breaks down. You may also realize that you’re not showing up for each other in the same way anymore.
Breach of trust: A betrayal, a secret shared, or a repeated pattern could push the relationship past its limit.
Emotional labor imbalance: One person becomes the “therapist” or the fixer. Eventually, that can wear thin.

Why do friend breakups hurt so much?

We don’t usually think about friendships as being temporary or seasonal (like some romantic relationships), which can make them especially hurtful. You might expect a summer romance to end when fall comes around, but most often, we make friends with the intention of keeping them for life.

Here are five other reasons why they can cause a lot of pain:

1. They challenge your sense of identity: Most of the time, friends witness major chapters of your life. When that person disappears, it can feel like a part of you is also disappearing. You lose someone who reflected your story back to you, and without them, you may wonder who you are now.

2. There’s rarely closure: Unlike romantic relationships, friend breakups don’t always come with final conversations. Often, it’s just a slow unraveling, which can leave you tangled in unfinished feelings. That ambiguity can make it harder to grieve.

3. There’s no social roadmap for grieving: People rally around you after a romantic breakup. There’s comfort food, advice, and rituals. But when you lose a friend, the world usually keeps spinning like it’s not a big deal. As a result, it can be easy to feel like your pain isn’t valid.

4. They often involve emotional whiplash: You go from texting all day to radio silence. This sudden shift in intimacy can be jarring, especially if it wasn’t your choice. It can also activate abandonment wounds, trust issues, and unresolved emotional pain.

5. Friendships aren’t less than — they’re foundational: Strong social connections are linked to lower stress, better immune function, and longer lives. Friendships can give us joy, comfort, perspective, and support. So, when one ends, the emotional fallout can leave you feeling like you've lost one of your lifelines.

How to cope with a friend breakup: 12 tips to care for yourself

Like grieving any kind of loss, letting go of a friendship doesn’t come with a prescription or plan for how to heal. You might feel fine about it one day, and then torn up the next. While your emotions may feel like a rollercoaster, there are effective ways to help you process the loss and move forward.

1. Acknowledge that this is grief

Friend breakups are filled with grief. You lost someone who mattered, and you’re allowed to feel sad, angry, confused, or relieved.

To help you process your feelings, name what’s happening. You could say, “I’m grieving.” Something as simple as that can help soften self-judgment and also make space for healing.

2. Create emotional distance

Protect your energy by muting their stories or archiving their texts. You don’t need constant reminders of what you’ve lost while you’re trying to rebuild.

Often, emotional distance begins with a slight digital boundary. You could also remove their contact from your favorites, or set up app limits on platforms where you’re tempted to “just check.”

Try these 12 ways to scroll less and live more while navigating your friend breakup.

3. Make room for messy feelings

Remind yourself that there’s no right way to feel. You could miss them a lot one minute and then feel furious the next. That’s grief doing what grief does.

So, make room to feel it all. You could journal, talk it out with a trusted friend, or cry in the shower. Whatever you do, try to avoid judging your feelings.

💙 Learn how to Care for Your Grief in this series on navigating loss and change with Lama Rod Owens.

4. Use grounding techniques for emotional overwhelm

When a breakup floods you with anxiety, bring your body back to the present.

You might try the 5–4–3–2–1 grounding technique by naming five things you see, four things you can touch, three things you hear, two things you smell, and one thing you taste.

You could also get your movement on by shaking out your body or stretching for five minutes. (Want more ideas? Check out these 18 grounding techniques.)

5. Unpack the loss beyond “I miss them”

Sometimes, we don’t just miss the person, but also the routine or the way we felt around them. When you know what you’re truly missing, it can help you fill the gap in healthier ways.

To get to the bottom of your feelings, ask yourself questions like:

“What emotional needs did this friendship meet?”
“Where can I find those feelings elsewhere?”
“How can I fulfill these feelings for myself?”

6. Ritualize the end

Closure doesn’t require a final conversation. You can create your own ritual to mark the ending.

You could write a letter you don’t send, light a candle and say goodbye, or take a walk and reflect on what you’re releasing. Rituals like this can help your brain process transitions and also create emotional clarity.

💙 Give yourself a release by listening to Closure with Tamara Levitt.

7. Let the timeline be non-linear

Some losses hurt longer than others. This could be due to the nature of the ending, the length of the friendship, or a conflict or misunderstanding.

Healing from a loss is cyclical, so you can expect surprise waves of grief while reminding yourself that they’ll eventually pass.

8. Talk to someone who gets it

Find one person who validates your pain without trying to fix it. If no one in your circle gets it, look for support online.

You could also reach out to a therapist. They can help you feel less alone and provide you with coping mechanisms.

9. Reconnect with your wider support network

Losing a friend can leave you with a lot of questions, and one of them might be, “Am I a person people want to be friends with?”

This blow to your self-esteem may make it tempting to isolate, but connection and support are key during this time, especially if the friend you lost was part of your support system.

So, reach out to other friends. Maybe even rekindle an old connection by asking for a low-stakes hang, like a coffee catch-up or short walk in the park during your lunch hour.

10. Resist the urge to rewrite the whole story

After a friendship ends, your brain might start rewriting the past. You could start thinking that you weren’t close or that they didn’t really care. But that’s your pain talking.

It’s okay to hold both truths — that this friendship was meaningful and that it ended in a hard way. It’s not one or the other. We all contain multitudes.

11. Rebuild your sense of self

When someone close leaves, it can make you question your own identity. It’s normal for your inner critic to pipe up after these kinds of events and plague you with unfair questions like: “Am I even a good friend?” or “Will my other friends leave too?”

One of the best ways to quiet your inner critic is by using this time to get reacquainted with who you are and rebuild your confidence. Revisit hobbies, try something new, or reclaim any parts of yourself that got muted in the friendship.

12. When you’re ready, reflect on the lessons

When you’re in the midst of grief, there’s no point in trying to find a silver lining. But as time passes, you may be able to glean some wisdom and life lessons from what happened.

There’s no rush, but eventually, ask yourself, “What did I learn from this friendship about my needs, my boundaries, and my capacity to love and be loved?”

Friendships teach us, even when they don’t last. And that’s a gift you get to keep.

Friend breakup FAQs

Is it normal to have a friendship breakup?

It’s definitely normal to have a friendship breakup. Some friendships are seasonal and meant to hold a specific chapter of your life. It’s not a failure when they don’t last forever.

It’s common for even deep, long-standing friendships to drift or end. This doesn’t mean the bond wasn’t real. It just means that you’ve both shifted in ways that no longer align.

How can I break up with a friend nicely?

If you’ve outgrown a friendship or need space due to repeated hurt, it’s possible to break up with care, clarity, and kindness.

To do this, focus on your experience and not their flaws, and try to avoid long justifications or blame. You could say something like, “I’ve really valued our friendship. But lately I feel overwhelmed, and I need some distance to take care of myself.”

Should I reach out after a friend breakup?

It depends on the context. If you simply drifted apart, reaching out gently to say hello could be fine. You might test the waters, saying something like, “I’ve been thinking about you and wondering how you’re doing?”

If you drifted apart after an argument or fight, you might consider the same kind of conflict resolution practices you’d use in your existing relationships. This might mean asking for communication to talk out the issue, owning your part in it, and apologizing if necessary.

Sometimes friendships end after conflict because both parties are self-protecting, or one or both people have avoidant attachment styles. In these cases, an honest heart-to-heart might repair things. You can always ask for communication to try and work it out. But if they say no, respect that boundary.

With all of this said, if the breakup involved betrayal, boundary violations, or unprocessed anger, it might be wiser to protect your peace and focus on healing.

To figure out what’s right for you, ask yourself if you’re seeking reconnection or just avoiding discomfort.

How long will it take me to get over a friend breakup?

Grief isn’t linear, and there’s no set timeline. Some days, you could feel totally fine, while on other days, a random memory might flood you with sadness. Some people view grief as a spiral where you move around and around the same emotional wounds, but with new awareness each time you circle back. Hopefully, after a while, the wounds don’t hurt as much, and you’ve learned some valuable lessons.

To help you move forward, make space for new kinds of connection. Most likely, the pain will dull over time, but remind yourself that doesn’t mean the friendship didn’t matter.

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friend breakup

Calm Editorial Team