Moving in together? Try these 9 mindful tips to reduce stress
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA
Explore 9 mindful tips for couples to reduce stress when moving in together, including things to discuss before and how long you should date before moving in.
Moving in together is a big step in a couple's relationship. Not only is it exciting to share a home with the person you love, but there can be practical benefits too, especially financially. Regardless of your motivations, deciding to move in together requires several personal, emotional, and logistical considerations, and it’s a decision best made when it’s well-informed.
Are you considering moving in together?
Moving in together might mean renting an apartment, buying a house, or moving into one partner's existing home. If you're thinking of moving in with your partner, you're likely ready to deepen your connection and take on new adventures together. There are a lot of perks, including waking up next to each other every day, planning meals together, and creating a shared space that reflects both your personalities.
However, the decision to move in together also involves restructuring your daily life. This includes managing finances, dividing household chores, and finding a balance between alone time and togetherness. It's also an opportunity to learn more about each other, as you grow and face life’s challenges together.
Many couples see moving in together as a test of their relationship and a way to build a foundation for the future. That might involve marriage, children, or simply a long-term partnership. Living together can allow you to understand each other's quirks and habits, and to learn how to support one another in new ways.
It's important to approach this big decision with a clear understanding of why you're doing it. Are you moving in together because it feels like the natural next step in your relationship? Or financial benefits or convenience driving your decision? It's important for both partners to be on the same page about their motivations and expectations for living together.
You might wonder how moving in together might change your relationship, how you'll handle conflicts when they arise, and how you can maintain the health of your relationship. Open communication with your partner can help ensure you're both ready for this next step.
7 reasons why moving in together might feel stressful
It’s normal to experience a mix of emotions when you make the decision to move in with your partner. Acknowledging and addressing sources of stress together can help you manage them effectively and strengthen your relationship. With open and honest conversations, you can turn potential stressors into a deeper connection.
1. Adjusting to shared spaces
One of the biggest changes when moving in together is the shift from having your own space to sharing your living environment. Learning to accommodate each other's habits and preferences can be challenging. Maybe there’s more clutter in the living room than usual, or maybe your partner washes dishes in a different way than you’re used to. These might appear to be small differences, but they can cause tension if they’re not addressed the right way or in a timely manner.
2. Merging lifestyles
Everyone has their own routines, hobbies, and social habits. When you move in together, you must blend your lifestyles. Adjusting your routines or finding a balance between socializing together and maintaining individual friendships requires compromise and flexibility from both partners.
3. Discussing financial responsibilities
Discussing money can be stressful, but it's essential when living together. From splitting rent and utilities to deciding on major purchases, financial responsibilities can bring tension. Having clear expectations and creating a budget together can help alleviate this stress.
4. Dividing of household chores
Figuring out who does what around the house can be a common stressor for couples moving in together. Open discussion about how household chores will be shared can prevent resentment over perceived imbalances.
5. Maintaining personal space and independence
Keeping a sense of personal space and independence can be a challenge when living together. Respect each other's need for alone time and continue pursuing individual interests and hobbies.
6. Dealing with conflict
When you share a space, disagreements are inevitable. It might be over something small, like leaving laundry out, or bigger issues related to lifestyle or habits. Learn how to handle these conflicts constructively to maintain a healthy relationship.
7. Fearing change
The stress of moving in together can come from a fear of changing the dynamic of your relationship. Embracing this change together, with open communication and a willingness to adapt, can turn challenges into opportunities for growth.
How soon is too soon to move in together?
There's no universal timeline for how long you should date before you move in together. Some couples might feel ready after just a few months of dating, others may prefer to wait for years to either achieve personal or professional milestones before blending their living spaces.
The decision to move in together should be based on mutual feelings, rather than external pressures or expectations. Open and honest discussions about why you want to live together and what you both envision for your shared future can reveal whether your goals for cohabiting align.
Communication and conflict resolution: How well do you communicate and resolve conflicts? Living together will test these skills daily.
Financial stability and responsibilities: Are you both in a position to share financial burdens? Have you discussed how expenses will be managed?
Personal goals and values: Do your future plans align? Are your values regarding home life and responsibilities compatible?
Individual readiness: Are you both emotionally and mentally prepared for the commitment that comes with sharing a space?
9 mindful tips for couples moving in together
Moving in with your partner is an exciting step that can be filled with anticipation and apprehension.
Approaching the decision to move in together with mindfulness and intention can help you create a fulfilling life together, so your relationship continues to grow and thrive.
1. Give it some thought
Reflect on why you want to take this step. Is it because it feels like the right next stage in your relationship, or are there external pressures influencing your decision? Discuss the reasons behind your desire to cohabit to strengthen your bond and ensure you're moving forward for the right reasons.
💙 If you’re ready to move in with your partner, but still feel a bit nervous about it, try listening to Jeff Warren’s Dating Courageously meditations.
2. Consider logistics
Work together on logistics, like deciding whose furniture to keep, how you'll organize your space, and whether you’ll find a new place together that feels equally yours. Addressing these details early can prevent stress and disagreements later.
💙 Improve your listening abilities, which can help improve overall communication and result in less stress, with Jeff Warren’s Open Listening meditation.
3. Get clear on finances and responsibilities
Money can be a source of tension for couples. Have open conversations about your financial situations and agree on how you'll split expenses, manage savings, and handle day-to-day budgeting. Discuss how household chores will be shared to ensure a fair division of labor.
💙 In the Financial Intentions installment of The Spark, Suze Orman explains how to set a budget, which you and your partner can explore together.
4. Prioritize personal time and space
Maintaining your individuality is crucial in a cohabiting relationship. Talk about how you'll each enjoy personal time and space within your shared home. Whether it's setting aside time for solo hobbies or respecting each other's need for quiet and solitude, these practices are vital for a healthy relationship.
💙 Try the Kind Communication meditation with Tamara Levitt to ensure you’re communicating your needs in a thoughtful way.
5. Expect challenges
Approach the challenges of living together with patience, understanding, and a willingness to compromise. Overcoming these challenges can be viewed as opportunities to grow closer.
💙 Tamara Levitt’s Relationships With Others series can give you the tools to help strengthen your bond with your partner, even when you disagree.
6. Embrace vulnerability
Sharing your living space means exposing more of your daily habits and vulnerabilities. Use this as an opportunity to deepen your connection by being open and supportive of each other. Embrace vulnerability to enhance trust and intimacy in your relationship.
💙 Jay Shetty’s meditation on Vulnerability is useful for anyone who’s in a relationship.
7. Work on clear communication
Effective communication is the foundation of any successful relationship. Express your feelings, desires, and concerns openly and constructively. Listen actively to your partner's perspective.
💙 The Daily Calm’s Relationships meditation can help you remember not to take your partner’s needs or feedback personally, but instead use them as guidance for creating a stronger bond.
8. Learn how to deal with conflict
Disagreements are inevitable, but how you handle them matters. Develop healthy conflict resolution strategies that emphasize empathy, understanding, and problem-solving to strengthen your relationship.
💙 The Love and Relationships series is helpful for anyone who’s navigating a new chapter with their partner.
9. Celebrate your relationship
Amidst the focus on logistics and adjustments, don't forget to celebrate this exciting step together. Create new traditions, plan regular date nights, and take time to appreciate the life you're building together to keep your relationship vibrant and joyful.
💙 Cultivate gratitude for your partner and your relationship with this Strengthening Relationships meditation.
Moving in together FAQs
Is it OK to move in with your girlfriend/boyfriend/partner?
Moving in with your partner can be a natural step in a relationship. It's a decision that shows a desire to deepen your connection and share your lives more closely. However, it's important that it feels right for both of you and comes from a place of mutual readiness and commitment. Discussing your expectations, fears, and hopes about living together can help ensure that you're both moving forward with clear intentions and shared goals. Every relationship is unique, so what works for others may not necessarily be what's best for you.
How many relationships fail after moving in together?
While it's difficult to pinpoint an exact number, it's true that moving in together can test a couple's ability to communicate, compromise, and adapt to shared living. However, many couples also find that living together strengthens their bond and deepens their understanding of one another. Success often depends on how well you can navigate the changes and challenges of cohabitation. Open communication, setting realistic expectations, and maintaining a commitment to work through difficulties together are key factors that can make it a success.
Do couples who live together before marriage get divorced more?
Research on this topic has produced mixed findings over the years. Some studies suggest that couples who live together before marriage have a higher chance of divorce, while others have found the opposite. It's important to remember that the success of a relationship or marriage depends on a wide range of factors, including communication, compatibility, and mutual respect, rather than whether or not a couple lived together beforehand. Focus on building a strong, healthy relationship based on trust and mutual understanding for the best chance of long-term success.
Why not move in before marriage?
Choosing not to move in together before marriage is a personal decision that can be influenced by cultural, religious, or personal beliefs. Some couples prefer to keep their living situations separate until they’re married for various reasons, such as wanting to maintain certain traditions or beliefs. Others might see it as a way to keep the relationship fresh and exciting. Practical considerations, like finances or career goals, may also play a role. Base your decision on what feels right for you and your partner, respecting each other's views and values. What matters most is the love, respect, and commitment you share, regardless of your living arrangement before marriage.
What if I’m allergic to my partner’s pet?
Consider talking with your doctor about allergy medication or treatment. It’s important to communicate with your partner about your plans for pets before you sign a lease or buy a home together.
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