How to ask for advice: 9 tips to help you get a new perspective
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA
Need a new perspective but don’t quite know how to get it? These 9 tips can help you learn how to ask for advice with confidence and get the extra support you deserve.
Okay, let’s be real: Asking for advice can be awkward, uncomfortable, and sometimes even embarrassing. Not only does it bring up feelings of vulnerability, but it also can make us feel exposed on every single level.
Unfortunately, society has conditioned us to believe that needing help is a sign of weakness. But the truth is that life is complicated and messy. And, sometimes, it’s deeply confusing. Navigating all of these complex feelings alone isn’t brave — it’s exhausting.
We’re wired to connect with people and need emotional closeness. So asking for advice doesn’t mean you’re broken or incapable, just that you’re human. It means you’re aware enough to know you don’t have all the answers and secure enough to open the door to someone else’s perspective. We’d call that the opposite of weakness.
So, let’s ditch the pressure to pretend we’ve got it all figured out. Let’s normalize reaching out to someone we trust before we spiral into oblivion. Learning how to ask for advice genuinely, clearly, and with confidence isn’t just a nice life skill — it’s a powerful tool for growth, connection, and getting unstuck.
And the good news? You don’t need to overthink it. You just need to start.
Why asking for advice can benefit your life
Being an adult comes with a lot of plot twists. One minute, you’re confidently replying to emails at your corporate job discussing ROI, KPIs, and other obscure acronyms, and the next, you’re asking Google how hard it is to become a successful farmer, because you’re this close to throwing your laptop out the window.
In moments of overwhelm, it’s incredibly easy to spiral. We may try to logic our way through our struggles on our own, hoping clarity will magically arrive. But you don’t have to figure everything out on your own. You can ask for help.
Asking for advice is like opening a window in a stuffy room. It brings in fresh air, a new perspective, and maybe even a little clarity. And it does more than just solve the immediate problem. It can change the way you move through the world.
Here’s what actually happens when you ask for advice:
You tap into collective wisdom: Someone out there has been through something similar, whether it’s your friend, your mentor, or a stranger on Reddit. Why not learn from their detours, mistakes, and insights?
You feel less alone: When you’re struggling with something, it’s easy to feel like you’re the only one. But when you ask for advice and someone says, “I’ve been there too,” it’s a subtle reminder that you’re not weird, broken, or behind. You’re just human.
You make better decisions (most of the time): No shade to your gut instinct, but two brains are often better than one, especially when yours is running on anxiety and two hours of sleep. A little outside input can help you see the full picture.
You build stronger connections: Asking for advice is kind of like a trust fall. You’re letting someone in and saying that you value their opinion. And more often than not, they’ll lean in too. That kind of exchange builds real, authentic relationships — the kind where you can show up messy, unsure, and still be met with respect.
You practice self-compassion: When you ask for advice, you’re acknowledging that it’s okay to need help and that you don’t have to be superhuman.
How to ask for advice: 9 tips to help you get the support you need
Asking for advice doesn’t have to feel like pulling teeth or staging a TED Talk about your emotional baggage. It’s a conversation. One that, when done with a little intention, can help you get the insight you need without spiraling.
Here are nine tips to help you ask for advice in a way that’s respectful, effective, and actually helpful.
1. Know what you need (as much as possible)
Before you reach out, do a quick self-check. Are you looking for:
A fresh perspective?
Help making a decision?
Validation that you’re not completely losing your mind?
A reality check?
You don’t have to have it all figured out, but a little clarity can go a long way. For example: “I’m trying to decide whether to take this job offer or stay put. I’d love your perspective on how to weigh the pros and cons.”
💙 Make space for an Emotions Check-in practice to help you reflect on how you’re feeling each day, to help you discover what you need.
2. Choose the right person (or people) to confide in
Not everyone is equipped to be your advisor. That friend who gives brilliant career advice might not be the best sounding board for relationship drama or vice versa. And that’s okay.
Before asking someone for advice, ask yourself:
Who has relevant experience or perspective?
Who gives honest feedback in a kind way?
Who respects your autonomy?
Sometimes, it takes a team: Your friend for emotional support, your mentor for strategy, and your coworker for logistical know-how. Build your own tiny board of directors.
3. Time it right
Before reaching out to someone, it’s a good idea to make sure the timing is appropriate. We wouldn’t recommend texting a friend with a “Can we talk about my existential crisis?” message five minutes before their big presentation or while they’re juggling bedtime with three screaming toddlers.
Instead, try this: “Hey, do you have a bit of time later this week? I could use your perspective on something.”
Respecting their bandwidth increases your chances of getting thoughtful, unrushed advice. Plus, it shows you value their time.
4. Frame it as a conversation, not a favor
People love feeling like their experience matters. Asking for advice isn’t asking for charity, but it’s inviting someone to share what they’ve learned. So, don’t apologize for needing help. You’re not a burden. You’re giving someone the opportunity to be useful.
Instead of opening a conversation by saying, “Sorry to bother you,” try saying something like, “I really respect the way you handled this situation. I’d love your take on something I’m trying to figure out.”
5. Keep it focused
You don’t have to tell your entire life story to get advice on something. Share only what you feel comfortable sharing. You can also speak in hypotheticals if that makes you feel better about opening up or talking about your feelings.
While asking for advice, stick to these three things:
The situation
What’s confusing you or holding you back
What kind of insight you’re hoping to get
You could say something like, “I’m struggling with whether to say yes to a new project. I want to grow in my career, but I’m already stretched thin. You’re great at setting boundaries. How do you decide what to take on?”
6. Be open to hearing the advice you’re asking for
If you’re going to ask for advice, be ready to actually hear it. You don’t have to agree with everything someone shares with you, but try to receive their feedback without getting defensive or overwhelmed.
You’re not outsourcing your decisions. You’re collecting input to help make your own call.
💙 Learn to give yourself a hefty dose of self-love when you need it most with our Radical Self-Compassion meditation, led by Tara Brach.
7. Ask follow-up questions
If something doesn’t click or you need more detail, ask for it. Good advice is a two-way conversation, so always feel free to ask questions to gain more clarity.
Try asking questions like, “Can you say more about what made that approach work for you?” You could even try asking, “What would you do differently if you were in my situation?”
Asking these questions not only helps you get clarity, but it also shows that you’re really engaged in the conversation you’re having and the person you’re talking to.
8. Express real, human gratitude
Giving advice (and asking for it) takes time, energy, and even emotional labor. So, when someone shows up for you and offers insight, let them know you’re grateful and that their help matters.
The gratitude you express can be simple! You can say something as easy as, “Thanks so much for your help. That helped me see things more clearly.” You could even say something like, “I really appreciated your honesty. I needed that.” (Here are 10 more ways to practice gratitude.)
A little gratitude goes a long way, and it leaves the door open for future conversations.
💙 Explore our Gratitude Masterclass with Tamara Levitt to learn even more about how to practice gratitude for yourself and others.
9. Circle back (especially if someone’s advice helped)
If you took someone’s advice and it led to something good, tell them! Let them know that their support really helped you when you needed it most. Expressing this gratitude and honesty can help deepen your connection to this person, and it’ll also make them feel good, too.
Say something like, “I wanted to let you know I took your advice, and it made a huge difference. Thank you again.”
Common mistakes to avoid when asking for advice
We aren’t often taught how to ask for advice. It’s not like there’s a class in high school on emotional intelligence, although it may be more helpful for most of us than slope-intercept form. All of this to say, it’s totally normal to fumble your way through asking for help sometimes.
If you want to skip a few common mistakes, here are a few things to watch out for.
Mistake #1: Treating your friends like your therapist
You start by asking for advice, and suddenly you’re deep into a story about your childhood trauma, your last breakup, and how you’re balancing setting boundaries with stepping outside of your comfort zone. Meanwhile, the other person is sitting there wondering how they ended up in your emotional escape room.
Try this instead: Keep it focused. One issue at a time. One ask at a time. If it turns into a deeper conversation, great. But it’s not recommended to overwhelm someone who was expecting a quick, “You got a sec?”
Mistake #2: Asking for advice when what you actually want is validation
There’s nothing wrong with wanting someone to tell you, “Yes, you’re doing the right thing,” or “No, you’re not being unreasonable.” But if you’re not open to hearing a different opinion, it’s not really advice you’re after — it’s affirmation. (If that’s what you need, here are 10 affirmations to work with.)
Try this instead: Be real about what you need. Say something like, “I think I know what I want to do, but I could use a gut check. Do you think I’m being ridiculous?” With this approach, they know the role they’re playing in the conversation.
Mistake #3: Getting defensive when the advice isn’t what you wanted to hear
Asking for advice makes you vulnerable, so it makes sense that when someone says something that may hurt your feelings, your knee-jerk reaction might be to shut down or argue. But that’s not the approach we’re going for.
Try this instead: If you disagree with someone, take a breath. You can respond by saying, “That’s interesting. I hadn’t thought about it that way.” You don’t have to agree. You’re just collecting perspectives.
Mistake #4: Ignoring the advice completely
You are never obligated to take someone’s advice. At the end of the day, you have to do what’s right for you. But if you make a habit of asking people for their time and input and then consistently do the opposite, they may stop showing up for you.
Try this instead: If advice doesn’t land, acknowledge it. You can acknowledge it by saying, “Thanks for your perspective. I’m leaning in a different direction, but that really helped me think it through.”
Mistake #5: Crowdsourcing your life to the point of paralysis
Asking for advice can be a good thing, but asking for too many opinions can backfire. One person says turn left, another says turn right, and a third person says to run away from it all and move to Portugal. Suddenly, you’re back in square-one purgatory.
Try this instead: Be intentional. Ask a few trusted people whose insight you genuinely value, then pause and reflect. Too many voices can drown out your own, but remember that yours is the most important.
Mistake #6: Forgetting to say thank you
It’s easy to get caught up in your own stress spiral and forget that someone just took time out of their own bubble of chaos to try and help you. Even a quick word of appreciation or gesture of gratitude can mean a lot, so be sure to prioritize thanking them.
Try this instead: Send a follow-up text after you speak. Give them a heartfelt, “I really appreciate you.” Maybe you can even offer to help them with a situation in the future if they need you.
Ask for advice FAQs
How can asking for advice benefit my life?
Asking for advice does more than help you figure out your next move. It actually builds emotional muscle. It nudges you toward connection, curiosity, and clarity. When you ask someone for their insight, you’re not just gaining information, but you’re building trust, deepening relationships, and reminding yourself that you don’t have to carry everything alone.
It’s a powerful act of self-awareness that says, “I know where I’m stuck, and I’m willing to reach out instead of shutting down.” That kind of openness doesn’t just solve problems — it shifts your whole way of being.
What are some examples of ways to ask for advice?
There’s no perfect script, but tone and clarity matter. You want to sound like you’re inviting someone into a conversation and not throwing them into the middle of a mess without context. Here are a few examples to make it easier:
“I’ve got a decision to make and would really value your take. Do you have a few minutes?”
“You’ve handled similar stuff before. Can I pick your brain about something?”
“I’m stuck between a few options and could use another perspective. Would you mind weighing in?”
How do I ask for advice without feeling like a burden?
To start, you’re not a burden for being human and for needing support. People like being helpful. It gives them a sense of purpose and connection. The key is in how you frame it. Lead with appreciation, be mindful of timing, and keep it concise.
Saying something like, “I really value your insight and would love to get your take if you’ve got a moment,” respects their time while reinforcing your respect for their perspective. And that’s not being needy.
What if I don’t know the right person to ask for advice?
Advice doesn’t have to come from someone you know personally. You can learn a lot from podcasts, online communities, and books if you don’t have someone you can talk to. The trick is to figure out what kind of insight you’re looking for and then seek out people (or resources) who’ve been in a similar place.
And if it feels like everyone else has their support network and you’re just floating out here solo, remember that building a support system takes time. You’re allowed to start small.
What if I don’t agree with the advice I get?
Asking for advice isn’t about blindly following someone else’s opinion, but it’s about gathering data. You’re allowed (and encouraged) to take what resonates and leave the rest. If a piece of advice doesn’t sit right, that’s information too, and it might clarify what does feel true for you.
And if someone pushes advice that feels judgmental or misaligned, you have every right to say, “Thanks for your input. I’m going to think about that,” and move on with your life. You get to choose which path to take.
Calm your mind. Change your life.
Mental health is hard. Getting support doesn't have to be. The Calm app puts the tools to feel better in your back pocket, with personalized content to manage stress and anxiety, get better sleep, and feel more present in your life.
Images: Getty
