How to help someone having a panic attack (and what to avoid)

Stress & Anxiety

Jun 26

how to help someone having a panic attack

Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA

Not sure how to help someone having a panic attack? Discover 8 calming tips that will empower you to support your loved ones through these challenging moments.

Watching someone you care about have a panic attack can be frightening, especially if you've never seen one before. The urge to do something—anything—to make it stop is completely understandable.

But panic attacks don't work like most problems. They can't be put on hold while you figure out a plan. They require immediate attention, and knowing what not to do matters just as much as knowing certain steps to take.

Fundamentally, supporting a loved one through a difficult moment is about being there for them. These tips can help you manage your own response while providing a safe, comforting space for the other person.

What is a panic attack?

A panic attack is a sudden, overwhelming wave of fear or discomfort that usually peaks in minutes. The body's stress response fires up rapidly, flooding the system with adrenaline and triggering a cascade of physical symptoms that can feel alarming.

Panic attacks aren't dangerous on their own, even when they feel terrifying, and they typically pass within half an hour. But for the person experiencing one, that window can feel endless.

Panic disorder is a recognized anxiety disorder involving recurrent, unexpected panic attacks. But anyone can have a panic attack, even without a formal diagnosis. Stressful life events, trauma, stimulants, poor sleep, and certain medical conditions can all trigger them.

What does a panic attack look like?

Since panic attacks show up differently for everyone, an episode might not always look the way you’d expect. Still, there are some common physical signs to keep on your radar:

Racing or pounding heartbeat
Shortness of breath
Chest tightness or pain
Dizziness or lightheadedness
Tingling or numbness, especially in the hands or face
Sweating or chills
Shaking or trembling
Nausea or stomach pain
Hot flashes
Feeling detached or disconnected from reality

While some people might show visible signs of distress, others might go very quiet or seem completely zoned out. Even if someone appears calm on the outside, they may still be navigating a surge of panic internally.

How to help someone having a panic attack: 8 tips to offer support

There’s no single “right” way to help your loved one in the moment, and it’s worth finding a tailored approach that suits their needs and/or the situation. But these pointers can get you started and offer some potential concrete actions to take.

1. Focus on calming yourself first

When someone is overwhelmed by panic, they often look to the people around them for a sense of safety. When you stay calm, you give your loved one something solid to orient toward. Take a slow breath before you respond, lower your voice, and move deliberately.

If you feel panicked too, that's completely understandable. But taking a moment to anchor yourself first makes it much easier for them to catch your calm.

💙 Learn how to ground yourself with this Anchoring With the Breath session on Calm.

2. Stay close to offer a steady presence

Physical presence matters, even if you’re just sitting together in silence. Panic attacks can feel incredibly isolating, so knowing someone is there can make the experience feel less intense.

If they express that they want to be alone, let them know you're just outside or nearby, and check back in after a few minutes.

3. Ask gently how you can support them

Asking what might help gives the person a bit of agency at a time when everything else feels out of control. For example, some people want physical contact during an episode, while others find it overwhelming. Before touching their shoulder or taking their hand, gently ask if it’s something they’d like.

Sometimes they won’t know what they need, and that’s okay. Simply checking in shows that you respect their space and lets them guide what kind of support feels right.

4. Choose short and reassuring words

When someone is panicking, a simple acknowledgement goes a long way. Phrases like "I can see you're having a hard time," or "I'm right here with you" are often exactly what they need to hear. Try to avoid phrases that minimize or add to their panic. Saying "you're going to be fine" can feel dismissive, while asking "what's wrong" can escalate the fear.

During a panic attack, big questions or problem-solving attempts can increase distress. Hold off on talking about triggers or what to do differently next time. You can have those conversations later, after they’ve fully recovered and feel ready to talk.

5. Invite them to breathe slowly with you

Fast, shallow breathing can make panic feel much more intense. Slowing down the breath, especially the exhale, signals to the nervous system that the immediate threat has passed.

Instead of instructing them, model a steady rhythm with them. You might say “try breathing with me if you can” and lead them using one of these approaches:

Count the rhythm: Inhale slowly for four counts, hold briefly, and exhale for six counts.
Use a visual cue: If counting feels like too much, offer a gentle visual like “imagine fogging up a window.”

💙 If you want to practice mindful breathing before modeling it, Calm’s Pause to Breathe meditation can walk you through the process.

6. Guide them through a grounding exercise

Grounding techniques help bring someone's attention back to the present moment and anchor their awareness in their surroundings. One widely used approach is the 5–4–3–2–1 technique.

Guide them through these prompts slowly, pausing after each step:

Name five things they can see
Name four things they can touch
Name three things they can hear
Name two things they can smell
Name one thing they can taste

💙 If you want to learn how to ground yourself before guiding someone else, try the Sensory Grounding SOS meditation on Calm.

7. Help them find a quiet, safe space

If you're in a loud, crowded, or overstimulating environment, try moving to a calmer spot if they’re able to move. Dim lighting, a quieter room, or fresh air can all help settle the nervous system.

Just be sure to ask before changing locations. A gentle question like “would it help to step outside” gives them the space to decide if they’re up for a change of scenery.

8. Know when to seek medical help

While panic attacks are rarely medical emergencies, there are times when it’s important to call for help. If the person has chest pain that doesn't ease up, loses consciousness, has breathing trouble that doesn't improve, or has an underlying heart condition, call emergency services right away.

If they experience panic attacks regularly, wait until they’re feeling calm to ask what they’d prefer you to do during episodes. Having a plan in advance makes it easier for both of you in the future.

What to avoid doing when someone is having a panic attack

Even with the best of intentions, some reactions can make a panic attack feel more distressing. Knowing what to avoid helps you offer the steady, calming support your loved one needs.

Avoid telling them to “calm down”: Phrases like "calm down" or "just relax" don't help. In fact, they often make things worse by adding shame or frustration to an already difficult experience.

Don't minimize or dismiss: Saying things like "it's all in your head," or "there's nothing to be afraid of" can feel deeply dismissive. A panic attack is a real, physical experience, and downplaying it can make the person feel unseen.

Don't use your phone unless necessary: Scrolling or texting while someone is having a panic attack signals that they're not your priority. If you need to look something up to help them, do it quickly and let them know what you're doing.

Don't try to identify the cause in the moment: Asking "was it the coffee" or "did something happen at work" might feel productive, but it adds extra mental pressure at the wrong time. There will be time to talk through triggers once the panic has fully passed.

Don't make it about you: "I don't know what to do" or "this is really scary for me too" are understandable reactions, but if you share how you’re feeling in that moment, it can shift the emotional weight onto someone who's already overwhelmed.

How to help someone having a panic attack FAQs

What do I do when someone is having a panic attack?

When someone is having a panic attack, the best approach is to stay present and gently ask what they need. Sit with them, encourage slow breathing, and reassure them that you aren’t going anywhere.

If they can't tell you what would help, simply offer your quiet, grounded presence. The goal is to make them feel less alone while the episode passes.

How do I stay calm when someone has a panic attack?

To stay calm when someone is having a panic attack, pause and take a slow, deep breath before you react. Focus on anchoring your body by placing your feet on the floor, relaxing your shoulders, and keeping your speech slow.

Remind yourself that the panic will pass and that you don’t need to fix anything. Your steadiness alone is helping more than you realize.

Are there any grounding techniques for panic attacks?

Grounding techniques for panic attacks are highly effective because they pull a person’s attention back to the present, interrupting their inner spiral. You can guide them through sensory exercises, like naming things they can see or hear, or encourage slow breathing with an extended exhale to settle their nervous system.

The key is to offer these tools as a gentle invitation rather than a firm instruction. If one technique doesn’t seem to be working, simply try another.

What should I do after the panic attack passes?

After a panic attack passes, give the person plenty of time to rest before jumping into conversation. The aftermath can leave someone feeling physically exhausted and emotionally shaken.

Offer a glass of water and a quiet space without any pressure to talk. Once they seem ready, a simple “how are you feeling now” is a great way to open the door. If these episodes happen frequently, you can gently suggest connecting with a mental health professional for long-term support.

What not to say during a panic attack?

During a panic attack, you should try not to say phrases like “calm down,” “just relax,” or “it’s all in your head.” Even if you mean well, these words can add a layer of shame or frustration on top of their struggle.

Avoid asking loaded questions, trying to figure out the cause, or sharing your own distress in the moment. Grounded reassurance, like “I’m right here,” “you’re safe,” or “take your time” works best.

How long does a panic attack last?

Most panic attacks last between 5 and 30 minutes, usually reaching their peak intensity within the first 10 minutes. While the acute fear passes relatively quickly, the person might experience a lingering “hangover” of fatigue or mental fog for a few hours afterward.

Encourage rest and recovery following the episode, but seek medical help if symptoms extend well past 30 minutes without improving.

Should I call 911 during a panic attack?

You generally don’t need to call 911 during a panic attack, as they’re not medically dangerous on their own.

However, you should call emergency services immediately if the person experiences chest pain that doesn’t improve, loses consciousness, has severe trouble breathing, or has a known heart condition. Since panic symptoms can overlap with cardiac issues, it’s always best to call if you’re uncertain.

What can I say to comfort someone during a panic attack?

To comfort someone during a panic attack, use short, simple phrases that require little effort for them to process.

Try:

"I'm right here with you"
"You're safe"
"Take your time"

Keep your tone slow and steady, and remember that being a grounded presence is far more important than finding the perfect words.

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Calm Editorial Team