What is helicopter parenting (and how can it affect your kids)?
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA
Say what you will about helicopter parenting, but they're usually just parents trying to do their best. Explore 8 tips to help parents ease their anxiety and soften control.
Everyone just wants the best for their kids. It’s normal to worry that they’ll get hurt, fall behind, or make a big mistake — but there’s a fine line between providing guidance and overstepping.
If you regularly baby your children more than necessary, manage the conflicts they have with their friends, and “help” with their homework by finishing it after they’ve gone to bed, you might be getting too involved in your child’s life. This practice is called helicopter parenting.
To be clear, helicopter parents aren’t bad parents. On the contrary, they deeply love and care about their kid. Still, there are easy ways to protect them more effectively without preventing them from learning independence.
If you want to learn how to let go and build more trust with yourself and your kid, we’ve got you. Let’s take our hands off the steering wheel and learn to parent with a little more distance.
What is a helicopter parent?
A helicopter parent is someone who’s possibly too involved in their child’s life. This involvement can be so intense that sometimes it prevents their child from experiencing discomfort, failure, or even minor responsibility.
With younger children, helicopter parenting might look like doing your child’s art projects for them, hovering over them at the playground, or constantly answering questions on their behalf.
For older kids, it might be more like double-checking homework after bedtime, emailing the teacher about the homework, and pre-reading future assignments so you’ll be better prepared to help.
At the root of this parenting style is anxiety.
Many parents fear that their kid will make a mistake — or that they will. It’s a reactive coping mechanism, and while it’s understandable why so many parents struggle with it, it can also create issues for the child.
5 examples of helicopter parenting
It can be hard to tell the difference between being a supportive parent and an overcontrolling one. To help you break it down, here are five examples of helicopter parenting.
1. Monitoring their grades: You’ve got the school portal bookmarked and possibly set as your homepage. If you notice a pop quiz score drops your kid’s grade by two points, you’re drafting an email to the teacher.
2. Handling their conflicts: Your child tells you a child was mean to them at lunch and suddenly you’re on the phone with the principal and drafting a strongly worded text to the other child’s parent.
3. Perfecting every little task: You say you’re just helping, but somehow you’ve ended up crafting the entire solar system perfectly and your kid didn’t even choose the color of the paint you used.
4. Constantly communicating: You text them during the school day to remind them about lunch and their homework. And their after school activities. And what time you’re picking them up. And what’s for dinner.
5. Overscheduling: You manage their calendar like it’s a Fortune 500 company. There’s not a single unscheduled minute, and if there is — you fill it.
What causes helicopter parenting?
Anxiety is often one of the main reasons why someone becomes a helicopter parent. But here are some other common causes.
Fear of failure (yours and theirs): Childhood can often feel like a high-stakes game. So, you overcompensate to protect them — but also to prove that you’re a “good” parent.
Control in chaos: From school safety to social pressures, the world of parenting and making sure your child is okay can often feel overwhelming. As a result, trying to control your kid’s life can sometimes feel like the only way to create some stability.
Old wounds: If you grew up without enough support, you might swing too far the other way. This could be your nervous system’s way of trying to keep everyone safe.
Mixed messages: Our society says to never let your kids out of your sight, but also to make sure to raise them to be independent. It’s no wonder so many parents are stuck in a loop of overdoing it and second-guessing themselves.
The hidden effects of helicopter parenting on kids (and on you)
Unfortunately, this parenting style can have a lot of unforeseen consequences. Here’s a breakdown of how helicopter parenting can affect both you and your kids.
How helicopter parenting affects your kid
Crushed confidence: When you’re always stepping in to problem-solve, kids can start to doubt their ability to handle life’s messes. Instead, they’ll look to you for every answer as opposed to looking inward.
Fear of failure: When mistakes are cleaned up for them, they miss the critical lesson that failure is just part of growing up. They may stop trying new things just to avoid the risk.
Delayed independence: Kids raised with constant oversight typically struggle with basic decision-making because they’ve never had the chance to stretch those muscles. As a result, when they hit adulthood, it’s hard for them to suddenly navigate the world on their own.
Struggles with self-regulation: When a parent is always jumping in to soothe or fix, a child misses the chance to develop emotional resilience. They don’t learn how to sit with discomfort or manage stress.
How helicopter parenting affects you
Burnout: You’re constantly anticipating, managing, responding, and fixing. Eventually this can cause you to hit the wall and burn out.
Anxiety loops on repeat: The more you try to control, the more anxious you become. Also, the more anxious you are, the more you feel the need to control. It’s a self-perpetuating cycle.
Invisible resentment: You’re doing everything, and sometimes it can feel like no one sees it. You’re stretched thin and a little resentful, but also riddled with guilt for even feeling that way.
How to let go of helicopter parenting: 8 mindful ways to release control
Learning to step back to let your kid grow can be tough. But trusting them will allow your kids to develop the necessary skills to survive in this overwhelming world. Plus, it’ll also give you more time to rest.
Here are eight doable ways to let go of helicopter parenting and give yourself more peace.
1. Practice the pause
Before you jump in to fix or rescue, take one deep breath. Then ask yourself if they really need you right now, or do you just need to feel useful?
This pause can create just enough space for a new response. Maybe you let them problem-solve on their own — or you let something be good enough.
💙 Give yourself a moment to breathe before reacting by listening to A Purposeful Pause with Jay Shetty.
2. Let natural consequences do the teaching
If your child trips at playtime and they fall, they’ll be okay. Remember, every stumble is a lesson that sticks. Next time, they’ll be more careful.
Read more: 20 affirmations for anxiety relief (and how to use them)
3. Name your own anxiety
Interrupt the helicopter parenting cycle by naming your anxiety. You could say, “I’m feeling anxious, so I want to micromanage this situation. But that’s about me, not them.”
Say your worry out loud or write it in a journal. When you name your feeling, it helps to release its control over you.
4. Hand over low stakes responsibilities
Have your child pack their own lunch or ask their teacher a question about their test score. They might not do it perfectly, but that’s the point.
When you hand over control in safe and manageable ways, it helps your kids build autonomy. Plus, you get a moment to breathe.
5. Use “I trust you” like a parenting spell
Say out loud often, “I trust you to figure it out,” or, “I know you’ve got this.”
Tiny verbal nudges like this help shift the spotlight from control to confidence — and when they hear you say it, they start to believe it themselves.
6. Model emotional regulation
When your kids see you stay calm in hard moments, it teaches them emotional regulation.
Try saying, “I’m feeling overwhelmed, so I’m going to take a few breaths before we talk,” or, “I don’t have an answer right now, and that’s okay.” This shows them that they don’t have to fix everything instantly.
Read more: What to do when you feel overwhelmed: 12 ways to find relief
7. Create a “growth zone”
Pick one area of their life where you consciously step back. You could let them handle homework on their own or solve some friendship drama.
Tell them, “This is your zone now. I’ll be here if you need help, but I won’t take over.” Then stick to it. You’ll be amazed what they’re capable of when they’re given room to try.
8. Find your own anchors
Anchor your anxiety into uplifting activities, like a 10-minute walk or a guided meditation. You deserve outlets that are yours and not ones that are tethered to your kid’s every move.
💙 Use Jeff Warren’s series Ease Parenting Stress as an anchor the next time you’re feeling anxious.
Helicopter parenting FAQs
What does helicopter parenting mean?
Helicopter parenting is a style of parenting where a parent stays closely involved in nearly every aspect of their child’s life, usually in an over-mananging way.
It typically comes from a place of deep care and worry, but it can sometimes crowd out the space kids need to build independence and solve problems on their own.
What are the pros and cons of helicopter parenting?
The pros of helicopter parenting is that usually the child feels safe, seen, and supported. These parents also tend to be highly aware of what’s going on in their children’s lives.
On the other hand, it might emotionally stunt and limit decision-making skills for the child. Also, the kids may become overly reliant on their parents, and be less willing to take healthy risks or tolerate failure.
Is helicopter parenting the same as being a supportive parent?
Supportive parenting is all about encouraging your child while still allowing them to take the lead. Helicopter parenting often looks like trying to control the outcome to avoid discomfort.
A supportive parent might say, “I’m here if you need help.” A helicopter parent might say, “Let me do it so you don’t mess it up.” Both intentions can be loving, but the impact is different.
How do I know if I’m a helicopter parent?
You might be a helicopter parent if your anxiety rises every time your child is out of your sight or if you often intervene before they ask for help.
Also, if you find yourself micromanaging their time, schoolwork, and their friendships, it might be time to gently reassess your role.
What’s the difference between helicopter and lawnmower parenting?
Helicopter parents hover while lawnmower parents clear the path and remove every obstacle before their child even encounters it. While helicopter parenting is usually reactive, lawnmower parenting is preemptive.
Both styles are rooted in love and fear, and both can unintentionally undercut a child’s ability to cope, adapt, and grow. The sweet spot lies in stepping back to let your kids learn from life with support and not shields.
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