10 examples of gaslighting in daily life (and what to do about it)
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA
Gaslighting can be subtle. Explore 10 examples to help you spot it and grounding tips to recognize control tactics and reconnect with your own perspective.
Gaslighting doesn’t always come with loud conflict or obvious confrontation. Sometimes it shows up in the gap between what you experienced and what someone insists happened instead. You remember feeling dismissed, yet you’re told you were being “too sensitive.” You recall speaking calmly, yet you’re told you overreacted. When people in your life consistently contradict your lived experience with their interpretation, you may start to question your own perspective. And when this is done intentionally by someone else, it’s a form of manipulation.
Gaslighting is particularly distressing because it disrupts your sense of reality and causes you to question your perception, memory, and emotions. It can appear in all different types of relationships, often in ways that feel confusing long before they feel recognizable.
Gaslighting can erode confidence and create a steady undercurrent of self-doubt, which isn’t good for anyone. Let’s break down some classic examples of gaslighting along with some practical ways to cope with it so you can move forward, clarity and self-trust fully intact.
What does gaslighting look like in everyday life?
Gaslighting can show up anywhere there’s power or emotional investment. In romantic relationships, it might start with your partner dismissing your feelings. In families, it can look like denial — “That never happened.” At work, it might be a manager contradicting feedback or taking credit for your ideas.
The common thread is that slowly, you start to lose confidence in your own perception. Recognizing this pattern can help you protect yourself from manipulation and self-doubt.
Related read: 5 signs of a toxic relationship (and how to leave one safely)
10 examples of gaslighting in relationships, friendships, and work
These examples show how gaslighting might appear in daily life. Sometimes it’s blatant, while other times it’s so subtle it slips by unnoticed.
1. “You’re remembering it wrong”: They insist you misinterpreted someone’s actions or misheard a comment. Over time, this chips away at your confidence in your memory, especially when the person seems calm or certain.
2. “You’re too sensitive” or “You’re overreacting”: When you express discomfort, they deflect by making your reaction the problem. This minimizes your feelings and shifts blame, training you to suppress your feelings to keep the peace.
3. “I never said that”: Even when you recall their words clearly, they deny ever saying them, maybe with a laugh or reaction of shock. The goal is to make you question your own recollection.
4. “Everyone agrees with me, you’re the only one who sees it that way”: They suggest that others share their view, isolating you and shaking your confidence. It’s a social form of pressure that makes disagreement feel unsafe.
5. “I was just joking”: After a hurtful remark, they dismiss your reaction by claiming they were just kidding. It leaves you uncertain whether you can take things at face value or trust your emotional response.
6. Medical gaslighting: Sometimes doctors dismiss, minimize, or ignore their patients’ symptoms, making them feel like their medical concerns aren’t real. This is especially common with women, people of color, LGBTQ+ individuals, neurodivergent people, and those with chronic illnesses.
7. Rewriting history: They retell stories or arguments in ways that make themselves look reasonable, and you look irrational. Over time, you might start believing their version simply because they repeat it so often.
8. Workplace gaslighting: A manager claims you missed a deadline that was never set or denies giving instructions they clearly provided. You begin second-guessing your competence, even when you have evidence.
9. Gaslighting through “helpfulness”: They criticize under the guise of concern, rewording control as care. Statements like “I just want what’s best for you” can mask efforts to make you dependent or compliant.
10. Digital gaslighting: Technology has become a new tool for distorting reality. People can delete messages, change details in texts, or block access to shared information, all while claiming you’re “making things up.”
Read more: How to deal with gaslighting: 9 steps to protect yourself
Why does gaslighting work (and why is it so hard to spot)?
Gaslighting works because it targets something deeply human — the need to belong and to be believed. When someone close to you questions your memory or feelings, it feels safer to doubt yourself than to believe they might be dishonest. That instinct brings short-term comfort but slowly erodes trust in your own perception.
Clinically, gaslighting affects both mind and body. When you keep second-guessing what’s real, your nervous system stays on alert. Stress hormones rise, focus narrows, and your body shifts into survival mode. You might feel foggy, tense, or exhausted.
Gaslighting builds gradually through small denials and distortions that seem harmless at first. You give the benefit of the doubt until your sense of truth begins to blur.
Recognizing a pattern of gaslighting doesn’t signify a personal failure, but clarity and awareness returning. Once you can name what you’re experiencing, you can begin to separate your truth from someone else’s distortion. That marks the beginning of recovery.
Related read: 10 signs you’re in a toxic friendship (and how to end it)
How to recover after experiencing gaslighting: 6 tips for rebuilding confidence
While it might be tempting to give the person who gaslit you a piece of your mind, recovering from gaslighting is really about learning to believe in yourself again.
When someone has spent time convincing you that your thoughts and feelings can’t be trusted, it’s important to reconnect with your instincts and sense of self. Here are six ways to get started.
1. Reconnect with your inner sense of truth
After gaslighting, you might second-guess simple decisions, like whether you locked the door or how a conversation actually went. Rebuilding self-trust starts with small moments of self-validation.
Try this: Keep a short daily note of what you see, hear, or feel — not to gather “proof,” but to remind yourself that your perceptions matter. Writing “I felt tense during that meeting” or “I noticed my friend interrupted me again” helps you reconnect with your own experience without judgment. Over time, those small acts of noticing become evidence that you can rely on yourself.
Read more: How to believe in yourself: 12 ways to overcome self-doubt
2. Name what happened without minimizing it
Language is power. Naming gaslighting for what it is (“This person repeatedly denied my reality”) helps reframe confusion as manipulation rather than personal failure. It can also interrupt the mental spiral of feeling like you could be overreacting.
Try this: You don’t have to announce it publicly or confront the person who did it. Even saying to yourself, “That was gaslighting,” or “That wasn’t my fault,” helps shift ownership of the behavior back where it belongs.
If you feel uncertain about labeling your experience, talking it through with a therapist or trusted friend can bring clarity and validation. The goal isn’t to define everything perfectly — it’s to start trusting your interpretation again.
3. Ground your body before you analyze the situation
Gaslighting can pull you into mental loops. You might start replaying conversations, questioning your tone, or searching for contradictions — but your body often knows when something feels off before your mind can explain why.
Try this: When you start to feel confused, focus first on calming your nervous system. Try grounding exercises: slow breathing, running cool water over your hands, or naming five things you can see in the room. These practices help signal safety to your brain, lowering stress hormones and restoring clear thinking.
Once you feel more physically grounded, it becomes easier to notice patterns of manipulation without slipping into self-blame.
Read more: What is grounding? Plus, how it can benefit your health
How to recover after experiencing gaslighting: 6 tips for rebuilding confidence
While it might be tempting to give the person who gaslit you a piece of your mind, recovering from gaslighting is really about learning to believe in yourself again.
When someone has spent time convincing you that your thoughts and feelings can’t be trusted, it’s important to reconnect with your instincts and sense of self. Here are six ways to get started.
1. Reconnect with your inner sense of truth
After gaslighting, you might second-guess simple decisions, like whether you locked the door or how a conversation actually went. Rebuilding self-trust starts with small moments of self-validation.
Try this: Keep a short daily note of what you see, hear, or feel — not to gather “proof,” but to remind yourself that your perceptions matter. Writing “I felt tense during that meeting” or “I noticed my friend interrupted me again” helps you reconnect with your own experience without judgment. Over time, those small acts of noticing become evidence that you can rely on yourself.
Read more: How to believe in yourself: 12 ways to overcome self-doubt
2. Name what happened without minimizing it
Language is power. Naming gaslighting for what it is (“This person repeatedly denied my reality”) helps reframe confusion as manipulation rather than personal failure. It can also interrupt the mental spiral of feeling like you could be overreacting.
Try this: You don’t have to announce it publicly or confront the person who did it. Even saying to yourself, “That was gaslighting,” or “That wasn’t my fault,” helps shift ownership of the behavior back where it belongs.
If you feel uncertain about labeling your experience, talking it through with a therapist or trusted friend can bring clarity and validation. The goal isn’t to define everything perfectly — it’s to start trusting your interpretation again.
3. Ground your body before you analyze the situation
Gaslighting can pull you into mental loops. You might start replaying conversations, questioning your tone, or searching for contradictions — but your body often knows when something feels off before your mind can explain why.
Try this: When you start to feel confused, focus first on calming your nervous system. Try grounding exercises: slow breathing, running cool water over your hands, or naming five things you can see in the room. These practices help signal safety to your brain, lowering stress hormones and restoring clear thinking.
Once you feel more physically grounded, it becomes easier to notice patterns of manipulation without slipping into self-blame.
Read more: What is grounding? Plus, how it can benefit your health
4. Set boundaries that protect clarity, not just comfort
Boundaries after gaslighting are about preserving your mental space — the room to think, decide, and breathe without interference.
Try this:
End conversations when they turn circular or confusing.
Say, “I remember it differently” instead of debating details.
Limit emotional disclosure with someone who repeatedly twists your words.
Boundaries don’t need to be dramatic to be effective. Even small shifts—replying less, pausing before you respond, or choosing not to justify yourself—can help you reclaim control over your energy. If direct boundaries aren’t possible (for instance, in a work relationship), document interactions and seek outside support.
💙 Explore setting Boundaries with the Relationship with Others series on the Calm app.
5. Rebuild a support network that reflects you back to yourself
Gaslighting can make you feel isolated. It convinces you that no one will understand or believe your side of the story. Reconnecting with people you trust is a vital part of recovery.
Try this: Reach out to friends or family who have shown empathy in the past. Be specific about what you need: “Can I talk something through without advice?” or “I just need you to listen.” Even a single validating conversation can help anchor your sense of reality.
If personal support feels limited, professional help can fill the gap. Therapists trained in trauma or relational abuse can help you rebuild confidence through structured techniques like cognitive restructuring, narrative therapy, or somatic grounding.
Related read: How to make & keep friends as an adult: 10 ways to connect
6. Relearn self-trust, one decision at a time
Gaslighting can make you doubt even small things, including what you like, what you want, and what’s true. Healing often means relearning that your perspective is enough.
Try this: Start with low-stakes choices: choosing what to eat, how to spend a free hour, or which movie to watch. Notice how it feels to make decisions without checking in with someone else first. When self-doubt appears, remind yourself that you’re doing something new and it’s okay to take your time.
Self-trust grows through repetition. Each moment you choose your own truth over someone else’s distortion is a quiet act of recovery.
💙 Explore Self-Trust from the Relationship with Self series on the Calm app.
Gaslighting examples FAQs
Are there different types of gaslighting?
Yes. Clinically, gaslighting can appear in several forms. Emotional gaslighting targets your feelings. Someone might dismiss your emotions or call you “too sensitive.”
Cognitive gaslighting is when someone denies your memory or perception of events.
Systemic gaslighting can happen within families, workplaces, or institutions that collectively deny harm. Regardless of the form, the goal of anyone gaslighting you is the same: to erode confidence in your own experience.
How can I recognize manipulation tactics?
Look for repeated patterns of denial, blame-shifting, or minimization. A single disagreement isn’t gaslighting, but if you often leave interactions feeling confused, apologetic, or unsure of what’s true, that’s a warning sign.
Notice how you feel in your body afterward. Tension, fogginess, or guilt for simply expressing yourself are common clues.
How do I shut down a gaslighter?
You can’t usually argue your way out of gaslighting. The most effective approach is to protect your clarity. Use calm, brief statements like “That’s not my experience” or “I’m ending this conversation.”
Step away if you feel pulled into confusion or circular logic. In professional settings, document interactions and seek support from human resources or a neutral third party if possible.
Read more: How the grey rock method can help you deal with toxic people
What is an example of gaslighting someone?
A common example is when one partner denies saying something hurtful—even when you clearly remember the words—and insists you “imagined it.”
Another is when a friend makes fun of you and, when you react, claims you “can’t take a joke.” Both examples shift blame and make you question your own feelings or memory.
What are some common gaslighting phrases?
Some typical phrases include:
“You’re imagining things.”
“I never said that.”
“You’re overreacting.”
“Everyone thinks you’re crazy.”
“You can’t take a joke.”
These phrases are designed to distort perception and help the other person regain control of the conversation.
How can I set boundaries with my gaslighters?
Boundaries protect your clarity. You might say, “I won’t discuss this further,” or “That’s not how I remember it.” Avoid overexplaining or defending every detail.
If direct confrontation isn’t safe, create emotional distance instead. Limit communication, share less personal information, or seek outside validation from people you trust.
What are some subtle signs of psychological abuse?
Subtle signs of psychological abuse include feeling anxious before interactions, apologizing often, or doubting your own memory after simple conversations.
You might also notice you’re spending more time alone, as you pull away from people who make you feel bad. These small shifts add up, leaving you dependent on the person who’s causing the confusion.
How can I trust myself again after gaslighting?
Start small. Practice noticing your feelings before dismissing them. Write down what you experience during the day to remind yourself that your perspective matters.
Over time, consistency in your own reflections helps rebuild trust in your instincts. Validation from supportive people or therapy can reinforce that.
Is gaslighting always intentional?
Not always. Some people use gaslighting behaviors without realizing how damaging they are, especially if they grew up in environments where emotional invalidation was common.
But intent doesn’t erase impact. Consistent denial, distortion, or blame-shifting still cause harm and confusion, whether conscious or not. People need to be accountable for their actions.
What are the first signs of gaslighting in a relationship?
Early signs of gaslighting in a relationship may include being told you’re “too sensitive” or that you “misunderstood.” You may start to feel confused after normal conversations, question your memory, or feel pressure to apologize when you haven’t done anything wrong.
When these moments repeat, they form a pattern that erodes self-trust.
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