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When you’re newly dating, it can be hard to know how long you should wait between dates. These 7 tips can help you find a pace that feels right for you.

You've had a great first date. Maybe even a second. Now you're staring at your phone, wondering how long you should wait before reaching out. How many days is too many? Is once a week too slow? Is twice a week too much? 

There's no universal rule for how much time should pass between dates, and that's actually good news. Dating doesn't run on a fixed schedule, and feeling pressured to hit certain milestones by certain dates tends to get in the way of what really matters — finding out whether you genuinely enjoy spending time with this person. The right pace is usually the one that works for both of you.

What helps is knowing what you're looking for, how your schedules align, and how to talk openly about pace if you're not on the same page. Here’s what to consider, plus 7 tips to help you figure it out.

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How much time between dates makes sense early in a relationship?

Seeing someone once or twice a week early on gives your connection enough room to develop without losing momentum — but treat that as a starting point, not a rule. 

Why this rhythm tends to work:

  • Builds anticipation between dates

  • Gives you both space to process how you’re feeling

  • Keeps the connection from feeling like a second job

Weekly or biweekly dates are also practical. Your job, friendships, family, and commitments don't disappear because you’ve met someone exciting. Factoring those in just means you have a full life.

That said, every pairing is different. If you both live close by with compatible schedules, seeing each other three times a week might feel totally natural. 

If distance or work keeps dates further apart, you can still build a strong connection. Frequency matters less than the quality of the time you spend together and whether you're both feeling good about where things are heading.

Related read: How to build emotional connection in relationships

Why does consistency matter in early dating?

Consistency doesn't mean seeing someone constantly. It means showing up reliably. Early on, you naturally look for patterns. Do they follow up? Do they suggest plans, or are you always the one reaching out? Do they seem genuinely interested between dates, or does contact disappear until you’re face-to-face again?

Healthy relationships grow through repair, communication, and emotional honesty, not just the passage of time. Erratic contact, long unexplained gaps, or hot-and-cold behavior can signal a mismatch in intentions, not just schedules.

That doesn't mean every day needs a text or that silence is always a red flag. A steady pattern of showing up, following through, and expressing true interest builds the kind of trust that early dating needs. Small, reliable gestures do more for a connection than grand ones.

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How to find the right time between dates: 7 tips for building connection naturally

Dating doesn't come with a rulebook, and there's no algorithm that tells you when to reach out or how often to suggest plans. These tips are a starting point. Take what feels right and run with it.

1. Get honest with yourself first

Before worrying about what someone else wants, get clear on what you need. Do you feel excited and energized after seeing them, or a little drained? Does the time between dates feel like natural space, or like anxious waiting? Your own gut response is useful information.

A mindfulness practice can help here. Taking a few quiet minutes after a date to sit with how you honestly feel, rather than what you think you should feel, cuts through a lot of noise. A short breathing exercise or a quick check-in on the drive home can help you tune into your own instincts rather than spiraling into social media comparisons.

💙 Ready to stop second-guessing and start trusting your gut? Explore the Dating Courageously series on Calm.

Related read: 10 mindfulness questions to help you check in with yourself

2. Match your pace to energy

If you’re both enthusiastically suggesting plans and looking forward to the next date, that's a signal. If one person is always doing the reaching out and the other takes days to respond, that's a signal too. The most useful guide is the energy you're both bringing to it.

Skip the Reddit threads, your friends’ timelines, and the vague social rules. Pay attention to what's actually happening between you two.

3. Resist the urge to play it cool

You’ve probably heard that waiting longer between dates or being slow to respond builds attraction. It can feel true — who doesn’t love a little bit of anticipation? But deliberately leaving long gaps to seem more desirable tends to backfire.

What creates genuine attraction is being present, curious, and engaged when you’re together. Playing games with timing tends to create confusion and anxiety rather than intrigue, and that’s not a great foundation worth building on.

💙 If dating starts to stir up overthinking, the Calming Anxiety meditation on Calm can help you respond more naturally.

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4. Talk about it if the pace feels off

If the pace isn’t working for you, it's okay to say something. It doesn't have to be a big relationship talk. Something like \"I've really been enjoying spending time with you. Should we figure out when to see each other next?\" opens the door without pressure.

Talking about what you need in a calm, straightforward way builds trust early on. It’s one of the best things you can do for a connection.

💙 Feeling nervous about bringing up pace? Calm’s meditation on Kind Communication from the Love and Relationships series can help you feel grounded before the conversation.

Related read: 7 tips on how to communicate your needs in a relationship

5. Build around your actual schedules

Busy schedules, work travel, kids, long commutes, and early mornings can all affect how often you can realistically see someone. What matters is whether you can both work with each other's lives.

If logistics are making dates sparse, staying in touch between them, through a message here or a quick call there, keeps the connection warm without either of you having to rearrange your entire schedule.

💙 When life pulls you in different directions, strengthen your connection with the 5 Steps to Stronger Relationships series on Calm. 

6. Notice how you both handle longer gaps

Sometimes, life intervenes, and dates end up further apart than usual. How both of you handle that is telling. Does the connection still feel warm when you pick it up again? Are you both making an effort to stay in touch in the meantime? Or does a week's gap feel like a reset?

The couples with the strongest foundations can maintain genuine interest even when life gets in the way — they don’t rely on constant proximity to keep things going.

7. Trust the pace to find itself

Early dating comes with a certain formality, with planned outings and a little extra effort around how you show up. As comfort grows, the pace usually adjusts on its own. Dates become less of an event and more of a regular part of your lives.

If you're seeing someone once a week, you might reach a point of real familiarity in three months. Twice a week might get you there faster. Neither timeline is better. Enjoy getting to know someone and let the rest unfold naturally.

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Dating time between dates FAQs

How long should you wait between dates early in a relationship?

There's no one-size-fits-all timeline, but one or two dates a week is a rhythm that works for many people in the early stages. It keeps the connection building without crowding out the rest of your lives or making things feel forced. 

The most important factor is that both of you feel comfortable with the pace rather than anxious or pressured.

What factors should be considered when deciding the time between dates?

Your schedules, geography, and where you’re both at emotionally should all be considered when deciding the time between dates. Someone navigating a demanding job or coming out of a recent breakup may need more time between dates, while someone with a lot of free time and high enthusiasm may want to see you more often. 

Emotional availability, frequency of contact, and what both of you are actively looking for can all influence how a connection unfolds. The key is that the pace reflects both of your circumstances, rather than a game either of you is playing.

Does waiting longer between dates build attraction?

A little anticipation can work in your favor, but purposely drawing out the gaps between dates to seem desirable tends to create confusion rather than chemistry. 

Genuine attraction builds through quality time together and consistent, honest interest. Giving someone a few chances to show up authentically matters more than any timing strategy.

Is there an ideal time to wait in between dates?

There's no ideal time to wait in between dates, and no universal rule for when a connection should deepen. The pace that works is the one that both of you feel good about and can sustain alongside your day-to-day lives. 

If you're looking for a rough benchmark, most early-stage daters find that somewhere between a few days and two weeks per date feels manageable and maintains momentum.

Related read: 40 dating questions to take things to the next level

When should dating start to be more frequent?

Dating frequency naturally tends to increase as comfort and connection grow. 

There's no fixed point when it \"should\" happen, but you might notice the shift when you stop thinking about when to reach out and just do it, when plans become standing rather than scheduled, and when being together feels like a regular part of your life rather than an event.

What’s the 3 6 9 rule in dating — and does it matter?

The 3–6–9 rule in dating is a popular framework that maps out three rough phases in the first year of a relationship: the first three months as the honeymoon period, months three to six as when real differences and conflict tend to emerge, and months six to nine as a decision-making phase. 

The numbers are symbolic rather than set in stone, and there are no scientific studies behind the specific timeline. But the broader idea, that relationships shift as novelty fades and patterns become visible, does align with research on attachment and early bonding. Think of it as a loose map rather than a schedule to follow.

What if one person wants to move faster than the other?

If you’re navigating a pace mismatch, you’re not alone. This is pretty common, and it doesn't automatically mean the connection isn't working. It can just mean you’re in different places emotionally or have different expectations about how quickly things should develop. 

Rather than hoping the gap closes on its own, a calm, low-stakes conversation about what you’re both looking for usually does more good than silently adjusting or letting resentment build

Can too much space between dates hurt a connection?

Too much space between dates can hurt a connection, but context matters. Long gaps without any contact, or gaps that feel one-sided and unexplained, can create uncertainty and erode momentum. 

But if you both understand why dates are spaced out, stay in touch, and are truly looking forward to seeing each other, you can maintain a strong connection even when life makes scheduling tricky. The gap itself matters less than what's happening in it.

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Calm your mind. Change your life.

Mental health is hard. Getting support doesn't have to be. The Calm app puts the tools to feel better in your back pocket, with personalized content to manage stress and anxiety, get better sleep, and feel more present in your life. 

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Images: Getty

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When you’re newly dating, it can be hard to know how long you should wait between dates. These 7 tips can help you find a pace that feels right for you.

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Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA

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If you’ve ever caught yourself scrolling and thought, “Why am I even doing this?” — you’re not alone. Here's why you can't stop scrolling, and 4 steps to help.

You pick up your phone to check one thing and somehow 20 minutes have passed. Sound familiar? Most of us are scrolling more than we’d like to, constantly refreshing emails, scanning through social feeds, responding to texts, and wondering why it’s so hard to stop. 

It’s easy to blame the bright colors, gamified apps, and endless notifications. And while they do play a part, research suggests that the real driver runs a little deeper. Compulsive scrolling is often less about the technology itself and more about what it taps into — our fundamental need to feel connected, included, and less alone.

That shift in perspective is where change starts. Because when you understand what you're actually looking for when you reach for your phone, finding balance becomes a lot more achievable. Here are 4 steps to get you there.

The reason your phone is so hard to resist

Scrolling is often framed as a discipline problem. In reality, it’s usually about connection.

Humans are wired for belonging. Feeling included, informed, and seen supports emotional and physical well-being. For most of history, staying connected to a group meant safety. That instinct still shapes our behavior today.

Smartphones activate the belonging system constantly. Social media, group chats, and news feeds offer ongoing chances to see and be seen. Even refreshing an app can create a subtle sense of staying relevant or included. 

The desire to connect is a healthy one. The challenge is that digital platforms are designed to keep that search going indefinitely, which makes it hard to know when to stop. Recognizing these dynamics can make it easier to approach your scrolling habits with intention rather than self-criticism.

Related read: Here’s why belonging is so important for your mental health

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How to stop scrolling: 4 steps to help you put down your phone

It’s tempting to go cold turkey when you want to scroll less. But deleting every app or setting harsh rules rarely lasts. Most of us rely on our phones too much for work, relationships, and daily life for that kind of reset to stick. A more sustainable goal is finding a balance that works for you. Here are some tips to help you focus on reducing scrolling without cutting off your very human need for connection. 

1. Swap some screen time for real-life connection 

Scrolling can feel social, but it’s often passive. Watching other people’s lives unfold isn’t the same as participating in your own.

When the urge to scroll hits, pause and consider whether a more direct connection would feel more meaningful. That might mean texting one person with intention instead of browsing updates, making a plan to see someone, or even striking up a quick conversation with someone nearby.

Active connection tends to feel more rewarding than passive scrolling. And when connection feels real, the impulse to keep searching for it on a screen often softens.

2. Try a little distance from your device

Learning how to stop scrolling doesn’t require extreme measures. Small, consistent boundaries often stick better than dramatic resets.

Start with one or two of these actions:

  • Turning off nonessential notifications in the evening

  • Setting a consistent time when social apps close for the night

  • Leaving your phone in another room during meals

  • Taking short walks without your device

At first, these pauses can feel uncomfortable. There may be a subtle sense of missing out, and that’s completely normal. Your brain is used to frequent social input. Over time, even brief breaks can restore focus and take some of the automatic pull out of checking your phone.

💙 Explore How to Create Digital Boundaries from the Build Healthier Phone Habits series on Calm to put these limits into practice.  

3. Get curious about why you’re reaching for your phone 

Many scrolling sessions begin without awareness — you’re reaching for your phone before you’ve even made a conscious decision to. Building a short pause into that moment can change the pattern. Before opening an app, notice what you’re hoping to feel.

Some common needs that drive scrolling:

  • Distraction after a long day

  • Reassurance during uncertainty

  • Connection when feeling isolated

  • Relief or humor

  • Information about something that feels important

If scrolling truly meets that need, use it intentionally and close the app when the feeling shifts. If another activity might meet the need more directly, like resting, stepping outside, or reaching out to someone, try that instead. Either way, the goal is awareness without judgment. The more you notice, the less automatic it becomes. 

💙 Try A Pre-Phone Check-In from the Tame Your Scrolling Habit series on Calm to start noticing what’s really driving you to scroll.

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4. Make your phone work for you, not against you

It’s much harder to stop scrolling when the content itself is designed to provoke strong emotion. Start by noticing how your feed makes you feel. If certain accounts increase stress, comparison, or urgency, consider muting or unfollowing them. Curate your digital space so it reflects your values and supports your mental health.

Your phone can also be a genuine source of connection. Reach out to someone you miss, join a community built around a shared interest, or put on some music or a podcast that makes you feel grounded.

💙 Discover a new way to think about your screen time with Jay Shetty in the Social Mania session on Calm.

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How to stop scrolling FAQs

Why is it so hard to put down your phone?

It’s hard to put down your phone because scrolling taps into the human need for social connection. Your brain reads updates, messages, and new content as social opportunities. Since staying connected to a group meant safety for most of human history, that instinct doesn't just switch off. Smartphones activate it constantly, which keeps you engaged even when you're not getting much out of it.

Why do I feel like I can’t stop scrolling?

The urge to keep scrolling usually reflects an unmet need rather than a lack of discipline. You might be looking for reassurance, distraction, or just a sense of connection.

Infinite feeds make it harder to stop because there’s no natural endpoint. Without one, the brain keeps searching for something that feels satisfying.

Related read: Do dopamine detoxes actually work? Here's what you need to know 

What causes endless scrolling?

Endless scrolling is caused by a mix of how your brain works and how platforms are built. Social apps use infinite scroll and personalized algorithms to hold your attention.

At the same time, your brain is wired to look for social updates and new information. That combination makes it difficult to disengage.

What’s it called when you can’t put your phone down?

When you can’t put your phone down, it’s often referred to as phone addiction, social media addiction, or compulsive smartphone use. Researchers sometimes use the term “problematic smartphone use”.

That said, not all frequent phone use is addiction. A lot of it is a normal response to very human social needs, amplified by technology that’s designed to be engaging.

How do I stop unwanted scrolling?

Stopping unwanted scrolling often starts with a simple pause before opening an app — just long enough to notice what you’re actually looking for. 

From there, small and consistent screen time limits tend to work better than dramatic overhauls. Replacing passive scrolling with active connection and curating your feed so it reflects your values can also reduce the urge to keep scrolling.

Read more: 8 signs you need a digital detox (and how to try it) 

What is doomscrolling, and why is it so hard to stop?

Doomscrolling is the habit of repeatedly consuming negative or distressing news online, and it tends to pick up during periods of stress or uncertainty.

It’s hard to stop because your brain is searching for information that feels clarifying or reassuring. The feed keeps offering new updates, which creates the feeling that relief is just one more scroll away.

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Mental health is hard. Getting support doesn't have to be. The Calm app puts the tools to feel better in your back pocket, with personalized content to manage stress and anxiety, get better sleep, and feel more present in your life. Calm your mind. Change the world.

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Images: Getty

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","excerpt":"

If you’ve ever caught yourself scrolling and thought, “Why am I even doing this?” — you’re not alone. Here's why you can't stop scrolling, and 4 steps to help.

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Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA

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If it's the middle of the night and you're Googling “I can’t sleep,” you’re in the right place. Explore why falling sleep feels so difficult and 9 tips to help you rest better tonight.

Sleep is one of those things that gets harder the more you want it. Lie awake long enough and the desperation to drift off becomes its own obstacle. The more you try to force sleep, the further away it feels. 

There's usually a reason sleep feels out of reach, whether that's stress, an overactive mind, or daily habits quietly working against your rest. When you know what's getting in the way, you can start to change it. 

Here’s everything you need to know about sleeplessness, from why it happens to simple tips to help you get the rest you need.

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Why can’t I sleep (even when I’m tired)?

Feeling exhausted but unable to fall asleep is more common than you might think. Tiredness alone doesn’t always lead directly to sleep — it depends on a balance between your body’s sleep drive and your mind’s level of alertness.

Even when your body is ready for rest, your nervous system can still be in “day mode,” keeping you more alert than you need to be.

A few systems are working behind the scenes:

  • Circadian rhythm: Your internal clock that tells your body when it’s time to feel awake or sleepy

  • Sleep pressure: The natural buildup of tiredness that increases the longer you stay awake

  • Stress hormones: Chemicals like cortisol that can keep you feeling alert and wired

When these signals fall out of sync, sleep can feel frustratingly out of reach, even when you’re completely exhausted.

7 common causes of sleepless nights

Occasional sleepless nights happen to most people. But when you’re struggling to get to sleep night after night, it’s usually linked to everyday patterns. Often, several small influences can add up:

1. Stress and racing thoughts: Your thoughts don’t always slow down just because you’re in bed. Worries about work, relationships, or tomorrow’s responsibilities can keep your mind active. Without daytime distractions, stressful thoughts can feel much louder at night.

2. Irregular sleep schedules: Going to bed and waking up at different times each day may confuse your internal clock. When your circadian rhythm loses consistency, sleep cues become less predictable.

3. Screen exposure before bed: Phones, laptops, and televisions emit bright light that can interfere with melatonin — the hormone that signals it’s time to sleep. Late-night scrolling also keeps your brain engaged when it’s trying to wind down.

4. Caffeine or alcohol: Caffeine can stay in your system for hours and delay sleep onset. Alcohol may feel relaxing at first, but it often disrupts deeper sleep later in the night.

5. Environmental disruptions: Light, noise, temperature, or uncomfortable bedding can all get in the way of rest. Most people sleep best in a cool, dark, quiet, and comfortable environment.

6. Lifestyle habits: Late meals, intense evening workouts, or long daytime naps can all shift your body out of its natural rhythm and affect how well you sleep.

7. Underlying insomnia: If sleepless nights happen regularly for weeks or months, insomnia may be a factor. It can be linked to stress, health conditions, medications, or mental health conditions like anxiety or depression.

Related read: Insomnia self-care: 10 strategies to manage sleeplessness

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How to finally fall (and stay) asleep: 9 tips for getting some rest tonight

Lying awake at night can quickly turn into a cycle. You notice you’re awake, your mind starts trying to fix it, and the more effort you put in, the more alert you feel. The tips below are here to help, but there’s no need to try them all at once. Start with whatever feels right for you tonight.

1. Let go of the pressure to fall asleep

Trying to force sleep can make your mind more alert. The more you push, the more your brain treats it like a problem to solve.

It can help to shift the goal from “I need to fall asleep” to “I’m just going to lie here and rest.” Taking the urgency out of the moment gives your mind the space it needs to settle. 

💙 If the pressure to sleep is keeping you up, Calm’s Deep Sleep Release meditation can help ease your mind.

2. Remember that waking up at night is normal

It can feel like something’s gone wrong, but brief wake-ups are a natural part of sleep cycles. Most people wake during the night and don’t even remember it.

What makes it harder is usually the reaction that follows. If your mind jumps straight into worry or problem-solving, it can fully wake you up. Simply noticing that you’re awake, without rushing to fix it, takes the pressure off.

💙 Next time you wake in the night, let this Falling Back to Sleep with Ease meditation on Calm carry you back to sleep.

Related read: How to fall back asleep in the middle of the night

3. Catch yourself in the “how much sleep am I losing?” spiral

It’s tempting to check the time, count the hours, and start dreading how tomorrow will feel. But this quickly increases stress and makes rest harder.

If you notice this happening, gently interrupt it. Turn the clock away, put down your sleep tracker, and when those thoughts creep in, try labeling them as “planning” or “worrying” and bring your attention back to your breath.

💙 When anxious thoughts take over, try Calm’s Equanimity track from the Felt Piano for Anxiety playlist to quiet your mind.

4. Give your mind a calming focus point

When your mind is busy, it often helps to give it something steady to focus on. It doesn’t need to be a formal meditation — you’re just redirecting your attention to a calm and neutral point. 

You might:

  • Notice the weight of the blanket on your body

  • Bring your focus to one part of your body, like your hands or feet

  • Listen to a steady, quiet sound in the room

💙 A body scan is a great way to give your mind a soft place to land. Give it a try tonight with this Bedtime Body Scan on Calm.

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5. Try slow breathing to help your body unwind

Your breathing has a direct influence on how alert or calm your body feels. Slowing it down, especially on the exhale, can ease that wired feeling.

Try a simple pattern:

  • Inhale through your nose for 4 seconds

  • Exhale slowly for 6 seconds

Repeat for a minute or two, without trying to force anything to change.

💙 Not sure where to start with breathwork? This Box Breathing exercise on Calm walks you through it step by step.

6. If your thoughts keep looping, write them down

When your mind keeps returning to the same thought, getting it out of your head can help break the cycle. Keep a notebook nearby and jot a quick note.

Try writing:

  • One thing that’s on your mind

  • One thing you’ll handle tomorrow

Then close the notebook. The goal isn’t to solve anything, just to give your mind permission to let it go for now.

Read more: 7 benefits of journaling (and how to make it a habit)

7. Allow yourself to get out of bed

If you’ve been lying awake for a while and feel wide awake, staying in bed can start to feel frustrating. Over time, that frustration can weaken the connection between your bed and sleep.

Getting up briefly can help reset things. Keep the lights low, choose something quiet like reading or stretching, and head back to bed once you feel sleepy again.

💙 If you do get up, a Sleep Story is the perfect companion to help you drift back off. Try Dream With Me with Harry Styles on the Calm app. 

8. Keep your environment as calm as possible

Bright lights, phone use, or engaging content can all signal to your brain that it’s time to be awake.

If you’re reading this on a screen, you don’t need to put it down immediately — but try to keep things gentle. Lower the brightness, avoid switching between apps, and stay with something calm rather than scrolling or checking notifications.

If you want something in the background, choose something steady and predictable like a soundscape or soft audio.

💙 Build your perfect sleep environment with Merida's Mystical Scottish Forest soundscape on Calm.

Read more: What is the best environment for sleep?

9. Know that one difficult night won’t derail you 

It’s easy to assume the whole night is lost once sleep is interrupted, or that the next day will be unmanageable. That thought alone adds pressure and makes it harder to relax.

Your body can usually handle a single restless night, and sleep tends to balance out over time.

Sometimes the best thing you can do is let go of how you think the night should go, and trust your body to do the rest.

💙 Be kind to yourself tonight. This Self-Compassion meditation on Calm is a good place to start.

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“I can't sleep” FAQs

Why can’t I sleep at night?

Difficulty sleeping at night often happens when your body feels tired but your mind remains alert. Stress, racing thoughts, irregular sleep schedules, caffeine, late screen use, and changes in routine can all affect the signals that tell your brain it’s time to rest. 

Falling asleep depends on a balance between the body’s natural sleep drive and the nervous system’s level of alertness, and when those signals fall out of sync, falling asleep can become more difficult.

Is insomnia the same as not sleeping?

Insomnia and not sleeping aren’t quite the same thing. A single restless night or occasional difficulty falling (or staying) asleep is common and doesn’t necessarily mean someone has insomnia. 

Insomnia usually refers to sleep difficulties that happen several nights a week and last for weeks or longer, often involving trouble falling asleep, staying asleep, or waking too early and not being able to fall back asleep.

What causes insomnia?

Insomnia can have many possible causes, including stress, anxiety, depression, chronic pain, medications, and lifestyle habits that disrupt sleep patterns. 

Environmental factors like noise or light may also play a role. Often, it’s not one factor but a combination of influences that keep the mind or body too alert for sleep.

Read more: Insomnia: what causes it, symptoms & how to prevent insomnia

How do I sleep if I’m really struggling to relax?

If you’re struggling to relax, gentle techniques that calm your nervous system can help. Slow breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, or a short mindfulness meditation can signal to your body that it’s safe to rest. 

Focusing on the rhythm of your breathing or the sensation of your body resting on the bed can sometimes help shift your attention away from racing thoughts.

How can I unwind before bed?

Unwinding before bed usually works best when you gradually transition from daytime activity to sleep. Activities like reading, journaling, stretching, listening to calming music, or taking a warm shower can signal to your brain that the day is ending, especially if you build a consistent routine. 

Keeping your lighting dim and reducing stimulation during this time can also help reinforce those cues.

Read more: Wind-down time: how and why to add it to your daily routine

Does screen time really affect sleep?

Yes, screen use close to bedtime can influence sleep. Devices like phones, tablets, and laptops emit bright light that can suppress melatonin, the hormone that signals the body that it’s nighttime. 

Screens can also stimulate the brain through information, notifications, and social interaction, which may make it harder for the mind to settle.

Should I get up if I can’t sleep?

If you can’t sleep, and sleep doesn’t return after about 20 minutes, getting out of bed briefly can help reset the mind. A quiet, low-light activity such as reading or stretching can give the brain a break from trying to fall asleep. Returning to bed once sleepiness returns can help reinforce the connection between bed and rest.

Can meditation help with sleep?

Meditation can support sleep by helping the mind shift away from racing thoughts and toward calmer awareness. Practices like mindful breathing or body scans encourage relaxation and reduce mental activity that may keep someone awake. 

Even a few minutes of meditation before bed or during a nighttime wake-up can help the nervous system settle.

Read more: How to get better sleep with meditation

When should I talk to a doctor about sleep?

You should consider speaking to a doctor if you’re struggling with sleep problems most nights for several weeks, if they interfere with your daytime functioning, or involve symptoms like loud snoring, gasping during sleep, or extreme daytime fatigue. 

Your doctor can help explore possible underlying causes and suggest treatments or strategies that support healthier sleep.

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Calm your mind. Change your life.

Mental health is hard. Getting support doesn't have to be. The Calm app puts the tools to feel better in your back pocket, with personalized content to manage stress and anxiety, get better sleep, and feel more present in your life. 

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Images: Getty

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If it's the middle of the night and you're Googling “I can’t sleep,” you’re in the right place. Explore why falling sleep feels so difficult and 9 tips to help you rest better tonight.

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Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA

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Vulnerability feels like weakness, but the beautiful mess effect shows it's more powerful than you think. Learn how imperfection brings you closer to others and 5 tips to get started.

You reread the message three times before hitting send, worried it sounds awkward. You replay what you said in a meeting, convinced it came out wrong. Most of us spend a lot of energy trying to hide our imperfections — editing ourselves, smoothing out the rough edges, hoping no one notices the mess underneath.

But what if that mess was actually one of your greatest strengths? The beautiful mess effect is the idea that vulnerability feels like weakness on the inside, but looks like courage on the outside. 

When we assume our imperfections will push people away, we often stay guarded. Over time, that guardedness can create distance in relationships. The beautiful mess effect suggests that honest moments can actually bring people closer together. Understanding the beautiful mess effect can change how you show up with others. Embracing your vulnerability can change how you show up with yourself. Here’s how to get started.

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How to use the beautiful mess effect: 5 tips to build stronger relationships

You don’t have to be perfect to connect deeply with others — you just have to be willing to show up honestly. These tips can help you get there. Try what feels right and go at your own pace. 

1. Share something small first

Vulnerability doesn’t have to be dramatic. Small, honest moments are a great place to start.

This might look like:

  • Saying, “I’m not sure, can you explain that again?”

  • Admitting you felt nervous before a presentation

  • Telling a friend you had a hard day

You might be surprised by how much a small honest moment can build confidence, and how well people tend to respond.

💙 Ready to take that first small step? Try the Vulnerability meditation on the Calm app.

2. Own your mistakes (and leave it at that)

It’s tempting to explain yourself when something goes wrong, but simple honesty is often enough.

Instead of “I messed up, but I was exhausted, and the instructions were confusing,” try “I made a mistake. I’ll fix it.” Clear accountability builds trust faster than long explanations.

3. Say what you’re truly feeling

While saying what you feel can be uncomfortable, it’s also one of the fastest ways to deepen connection.

For example:

  • “That comment hurt”

  • “I feel overwhelmed right now”

  • “I was disappointed”

In the right relationships, honest emotion tends to invite empathy rather than judgment.

💙 When hard emotions come up, the Accept Your Negative Emotions session with Jay Shetty on Calm can help.

4. Let yourself be imperfect

If you've ever walked away from a conversation replaying what you said, or wishing you'd phrased it differently, you're not alone. But most people aren't analyzing you nearly as closely as you think.

Try sending the email when it’s clear, not perfect. Let a small awkward moment pass without fixing it. The more you practice, the more natural it starts to feel. 

💙 If the pressure to get everything right is wearing you out, try Letting Go of Perfectionism from Calm’s 7 Days of Self-Esteem series.

Read more: \"Don’t let perfect be the enemy of good\": 7 tips for perfectionists

5. Choose people who make you feel safe

Applying the beautiful mess effect in your life doesn’t mean sharing everything with everyone. Vulnerability works best in emotionally safe relationships.

Look for people who:

Openness and boundaries can (and should) exist at the same time.

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Can self-compassion make vulnerability easier?

The beautiful mess effect explains how others might see you, but it doesn’t always change how you see yourself. Even as you start opening up more, vulnerability can still feel uncomfortable. That’s where self-compassion comes in.

People who treat themselves with kindness after a mistake tend to handle vulnerability better. Moments of honesty can trigger shame or self-doubt, and without self-compassion, sharing something personal can feel overwhelming. 

Self-compassion gives you a steadier way to respond. Instead of thinking, “Why did I say that?” you might think, “That was hard, and I handled it as best I could.”

Dr. Kristin Neff describes self-compassion as having three parts:

  • Self-kindness: Speaking to yourself with care instead of criticism

  • Common humanity: Remembering that everyone struggles sometimes

  • Mindfulness: Noticing your feelings without ignoring them or making them bigger than they are

Together, they make it easier to share your imperfections and recover afterward.

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How to cultivate self-compassion and embrace imperfection

Self-compassion is a skill, not a personality trait. Like any skill, it develops with practice — and small, consistent steps add up over time. Here’s how to start building yours. 

Notice how you talk to yourself

Most of us have an inner voice that isn’t always kind. Start paying attention to it, and then work on developing a more accepting inner dialogue. You’re a human being who makes mistakes, just like everyone else. 

Try repeating some of these affirmations:

  • I am a beautiful, messy human

  • I get closer to others when I show up as myself

  • I embrace all parts of me, no matter what others think

Related read: How to be kind to yourself: 10 ways to cultivate self-kindness

Try journaling it out

A daily self-compassion journal can help shift the way you see the challenges you’re going through. When you have a quiet moment, take a few minutes to reflect on anything you recently felt bad about, judged yourself for, or that caused you pain.

For each experience:

  1. Notice how you felt — without judgment or minimizing 

  2. Remind yourself that this is something many people go through 

  3. Jot down a few words of comfort, as if you were talking to a close friend going through the same thing

Keep practicing, one day at a time

Self-compassion grows the more you come back to it. Carve out a few minutes when you can and find what feels best for you. 

To help you get started, here are some of our favorite self-compassion sessions on Calm:

💙 Replace self-criticism with self-compassion: Tools for Stress and Anxiety

💙 Self-compassion: A Daily Calm meditation 

💙 Self-compassion by degrees: A Daily Trip meditation 

💙 Relationship with self: self-compassion: Relationship With Self Series

💙 The strength of self-compassion: a Daily Trip meditation 

💙 The Radical Self-Compassion masterclass

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Embrace imperfection FAQs

What is the beautiful mess effect (or the beautiful mess theory)?

The beautiful mess effect, also known as the beautiful mess theory, is a research finding that shows we judge our own vulnerability more harshly than other people do.

In studies, people saw their own vulnerable moments as signs of weakness. But when they looked at someone else being vulnerable, they often saw that person as brave and strong.

Why does being vulnerable feel uncomfortable?

Being vulnerable can feel uncomfortable because your brain is wired to protect your sense of belonging. When something feels socially risky, your brain can treat it like a threat. Fear of rejection, shame, and self-criticism can show up quickly.

Even if you understand the beautiful mess effect, your body may still react with tension or discomfort. That response is normal. Practicing self-compassion can help calm those feelings and make it easier to recover after you open up.

What are the benefits of showing vulnerability?

Showing vulnerability can strengthen your relationships and build trust. When you share honest moments, others are more likely to respond with empathy than judgment.

Being open can also take the pressure off needing to seem perfect. That tends to lower stress and make conversations feel more natural. Over time, when you find that being seen as you are doesn’t push people away, confidence follows. 

What does it mean to embrace imperfection?

To embrace imperfection means accepting that mistakes, flaws, and vulnerability are part of being human. Instead of trying to hide them, you choose to face them with honesty and kindness toward yourself.

Embracing imperfection doesn’t mean lowering your standards. It means understanding that growth, learning, and connection often come from moments that are awkward or messy.

Read more: How to stop being a perfectionist: 6 tips

Is embracing imperfection the same as giving up?

Embracing imperfection isn’t the same as giving up.

Research on self-compassion shows that people who treat themselves kindly after setbacks tend to be more motivated. When you see mistakes as feedback rather than personal failure, it becomes easier to adjust and try again.

Does embracing your imperfections strengthen relationships?

Embracing your imperfections can bring you closer to the people around you. Research shows that healthy vulnerability can help repair tension, strengthen your relationships, and build trust. Being vulnerable can also improve your self-esteem and mental health. These shifts can make your relationships feel safer and more rewarding.

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Mental health is hard. Getting support doesn't have to be. The Calm app puts the tools to feel better in your back pocket, with personalized content to manage stress and anxiety, get better sleep, and feel more present in your life. Calm your mind. Change the world.

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Vulnerability feels like weakness, but the beautiful mess effect shows it's more powerful than you think. Learn how imperfection brings you closer to others and 5 tips to get started.

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Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA

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Feeling lost or unlike yourself? Explore the signs and causes of an identity crisis, plus 7 supportive tips to help you find your way back.

Maybe you used to use your job as an easy conversation starter, and now you hesitate because it doesn't quite fit anymore. Maybe a relationship ended and took with it a version of you that felt clear and familiar. Or you find yourself asking “Who am I?” or “What happened to me?” without a clear answer.

This kind of confusion is often called an identity crisis. It tends to show up during major life changes or periods of stress — when the roles, routines, and labels that once defined you no longer feel solid.

If any of this sounds familiar, you’re in the right place. Here you’ll find the signs and causes of an identity crisis, plus practical ways to navigate it and start to feel like yourself again.

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What is an identity crisis?

An identity crisis is a period when your usual sense of who you are stops feeling reliable. The term was coined by psychologist Erik Erikson, who explored how people form and rethink their identity over time.

It typically happens when parts of your life that once felt stable no longer fit in the same way. This goes beyond feeling “off” for a few days. An identity crisis tends to last longer and can affect how you make decisions, relate to others, and think about your future.

7 common signs of an identity crisis

If you’re wondering whether what you’re feeling adds up to an identity crisis, these common signs can help you recognize it. They're not a diagnosis — just common ways an identity crisis can show up. .

1. You feel disconnected from yourself: It can feel like you’re going through your usual routines without really being present in them. Things you used to enjoy or care about might feel flat, or like they belong to a version of you that doesn’t quite fit anymore. 

This doesn’t always show up as dramatic distress. It can be subtle, like noticing you’re less engaged, less opinionated, or less certain than you used to be.

2. You’re questioning your direction: You might find yourself revisiting areas of your life that once felt settled. Questions about work, relationships, or lifestyle come up more often, and it’s harder to feel confident in your answers.

Even if nothing has changed on the surface, there can be a growing sense that your current path doesn’t fully fit, without a clear idea of what would.

3. Major life changes have disrupted how you see yourself: A change in circumstance can shift how you define yourself. This could be losing a role, like a job or relationship, or stepping into a new one that doesn’t feel fully integrated yet.

It’s not just the change itself, but how it affects the way you answer questions like “What do I do?” or “Where do I fit now?”

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4. You feel emotionally overwhelmed or lost: An identity crisis can bring ongoing emotional exhaustion. You might feel unsettled, anxious, low, or easily frustrated without being able to point to a single cause. These feelings often stick around when there’s no clear resolution in sight.

5. You’re rethinking what matters to you: Priorities that once felt clear may start to shift. Things you worked toward might not feel as meaningful, or you may feel pulled toward something different without fully understanding why.

This can create inner tension, especially if your current life doesn’t reflect what you’re starting to value more.

6. Decisions feel harder than usual: When your sense of identity feels unclear, decision-making gets harder. Even small choices can feel loaded with bigger questions about who you are and what you want — leading you to second-guess yourself, delay decisions, or seek reassurance more than usual.

7. You feel in between versions of yourself: The way you used to think, act, or structure your life doesn’t feel right anymore, but a new version hasn’t fully taken shape yet.

It’s an uncomfortable place to be, but it’s often a transitional space. Over time, it can lead to a clearer, more updated sense of self.

Related read: 4 signs of a midlife crisis (and tips to help you cope)

Why do identity crises happen?

Identity crises often happen when life changes quickly and your sense of self hasn’t caught up yet. Some common causes include:

  • Major life transitions: Ending a relationship, switching careers, becoming a parent, or moving can all reshape your sense of who you are.

  • Chronic stress or burnout: Long-term pressure can make you question whether your current path still works for you.

  • Personal growth: As you change, your priorities and beliefs can shift, creating a gap between who you were and who you’re becoming.

  • Cultural or social pressure: Expectations about success, identity, or timing can make it harder to tell what feels true for you.

  • Loss or grief: Experiencing loss can change how you understand yourself and your place in the world.

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How to deal with an identity crisis: 7 tips to feel like yourself again

An identity crisis touches the core of how you see yourself, which can make it feel especially unsettling. The tips below can help you reconnect with your values, experiences, and sense of direction — and remind you who you are.

1. Give yourself permission to be in the “in-between”

Identity crises often happen during transitions. The old version of your life may no longer fit, but the next version hasn’t fully taken shape yet. This middle space can feel uncomfortable, but it’s also where reflection and growth tend to happen.

Rather than rushing toward a clear answer, try treating this period as a phase of exploration. Questions like “What feels different now?” or “What matters to me lately?” can open space for curiosity. Clarity often grows gradually through everyday experiences rather than one big realization.

💙 If the \"in-between\" feels more disorienting than freeing, let Calm’s Waves of Change meditation help you move through it.

2. Reconnect with your core values

Values can act like an internal compass when identity feels uncertain. When roles or circumstances change, revisiting what truly matters can help ground you.

Start by thinking about moments that felt meaningful or fulfilling. These experiences can reveal underlying values like creativity, connection, learning, helping others, or independence.

Try journaling with these prompts: 

  • What parts of my life feel most aligned right now?

  • What feels out of sync?

  • When do I feel most like myself?

A values exercise can also help:

  • Write down 5–10 values that feel important to you

  • Circle the 3 that feel most essential right now

  • Ask yourself how your current life supports or conflicts with them

Small shifts toward those values can begin restoring a sense of direction.

💙 If you're wondering whether the person you are today still matches who you thought you'd be, sit with Jay Shetty's Evolving Identity session on Calm.

3. Start with small identity experiments

Identity isn’t something people figure out once and keep forever. It develops over time through experience, reflection, and trying new things. Small experiments can make this process feel more manageable. 

This might look like:

  • Taking a class in something you’ve been curious about

  • Volunteering in a cause that matters to you

  • Exploring a hobby that once interested you

  • Changing up small routines to see what feels different

Each experience gives you information. Over time, these clues help shape a clearer sense of who you’re becoming.

💙 Cultivate Curiosity with Jay Shetty on the Calm app — because every new version of yourself starts with wanting to know more.

Related read: Reinventing yourself begins with these 7 mindful steps 

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4. Tune out the noise of outside expectations

Identity confusion can intensify when external pressure is loud. Cultural expectations, family opinions, and social media comparisons can make it harder to hear your own perspective.

Creating some distance from that noise can help. For some people this means spending less time on social media. For others it might mean setting boundaries around conversations that feel overly critical or demanding.

💙 When you find yourself measuring your life against everyone else's, the Comparison meditation on Calm is a gentle reminder to come back to your own lane.

5. Nurture your supportive relationships

Identity grows through connection with others. Conversations with trusted friends, mentors, or family members can offer perspective that’s hard to access alone.

Talking openly about uncertainty may feel vulnerable, but it often reveals that many people go through similar periods of questioning. And those close to you can reflect back strengths and qualities you might overlook when you’re doubting yourself.

💙 The conversations that matter most deserve your full presence — explore that with Calm's Listening meditation from the Relationship With Others series

6. Focus on what feels meaningful to you right now

When identity feels unclear, the distant future can feel overwhelming. Shifting your attention toward what feels meaningful in the present moment is more manageable, and often more useful.

This might include:

  • Spending time with people who feel supportive

  • Engaging in activities that spark curiosity

  • Contributing to something larger than yourself

Meaningful experiences often rebuild a sense of identity naturally over time.

💙 When the future feels too big to hold, Jay Shetty's Be Here, Be Present session on Calm is a grounding reminder that focusing on right now is enough.

Related read: 8 everyday ritual ideas for a more mindful life

7. Consider working with a therapist

For some people, an identity crisis brings significant stress, anxiety, or emotional exhaustion. A therapist can offer a supportive space to explore identity questions, especially if what you’re feeling has been  lasting a long time or affecting daily life.

Therapy can support:

  • Clarifying values and goals

  • Processing life transitions

  • Exploring patterns in relationships or career choices

  • Building self-understanding and confidence

It’s not about finding quick answers — it’s about having guidance as you work out what feels authentic and sustainable for your life.

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Identity crisis FAQs

What does it mean to have an identity crisis?

Having an identity crisis means experiencing uncertainty about who you are, what you value, or the direction your life is taking. It often involves questioning personal roles, beliefs, and goals that once felt stable. 

During this time, you may feel disconnected from your usual sense of self, demotivated, or unsure about decisions that previously felt clear.

What causes an identity crisis?

Identity crises often emerge from major life transitions or experiences that change how you see yourself. Career changes, becoming a parent, losing a relationship, moving to a new place, or experiencing loss can all disrupt familiar roles and routines. 

What does an identity crisis feel like?

An identity crisis often feels like losing a clear sense of direction or feeling unsure about where you fit in your own life. 

You may experience confusion, restlessness, emotional overwhelm, or a persistent sense that something no longer feels right. It can also bring frequent questioning about purpose, goals, or personal values.

Can an identity crisis affect mental health?

Yes, long periods of identity uncertainty can be emotionally draining and may be linked with higher stress, anxiety, or low mood. While these experiences are often part of navigating change, support from those you trust or mental health professionals can ease the weight of uncertainty and provide clarity.

Related read: How to *actually* practice self-compassion? Try these 5 exercises

How long does an identity crisis last?

The length of an identity crisis varies from person to person. You might move through it within weeks or months, or find yourself in a longer stretch of uncertainty during a major life transition. 

Clarity often develops gradually as you reflect, explore new experiences, and reconnect with your values.

What should I do if I’m having an identity crisis?

If you’re experiencing an identity crisis, take some time to reflect on what feels meaningful right now. Journaling, mindful pauses, and conversations with trusted people can help organize your thoughts and reduce the pressure to have immediate answers. 

Taking small steps toward your values, interests, and supportive relationships can help you settle into a clearer sense of self.

Can therapy help with an identity crisis?

Yes, therapy can be helpful during an identity crisis. A therapist can offer a supportive space for you to explore questions about identity, values, and life direction, while helping you process the emotional weight that comes with change. 

What’s the difference between an existential crisis and an identity crisis?

An identity crisis centers on uncertainty about who you are, while an existential crisis involves questioning the meaning or purpose of life more broadly. Identity crises are usually tied to personal roles or life changes, whereas existential crises tend to be broader and more philosophical.

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Calm your mind. Change your life.

Mental health is hard. Getting support doesn't have to be. The Calm app puts the tools to feel better in your back pocket, with personalized content to manage stress and anxiety, get better sleep, and feel more present in your life. 

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Images: Getty

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Feeling lost or unlike yourself? Explore the signs and causes of an identity crisis, plus 7 supportive tips to help you find your way back.

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Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA

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Explore the types of noises and soothing sounds that aid sleep for people with ADHD. Plus, 6 tips and techniques to create a relaxing sleep environment. 

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What to know:

💙 People with ADHD often have common sleep challenges, like difficulty falling asleep and staying sleeping, which can make it hard to feel rested. 

💙 Soothing sounds like white, pink, and brown noise, nature sounds, or binaural beats may support better sleep by calming the mind and masking disruptions.

💙 Creating a restful sleep environment—cool, quiet, calm, and screen-free—can also help calm an ADHD brain at night.

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Sleep is important for good health and wellbeing. But for people with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), achieving restful sleep can be particularly challenging. The ADHD brain is often in a state of heightened arousal (or overstimulation), making it difficult to settle down for a restful night. This can lead to a cycle of sleep deprivation that worsens  ADHD symptoms, making it harder to get  a good night's sleep. Fortunately, creating the right sound environment can significantly improve your ability to fall asleep and stay asleep.

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6 of the best sleep sounds for ADHD

Some people may find certain sounds more soothing than others, so experiment with different types of sounds to identify what works best for you.

1. White noise

White noise is a static-like sound. This uniform sound can mask other disruptive noises in the environment, such as traffic or people talking, and can be a beneficial sleep aid for people with ADHD. White noise machines can generate this sound, helping the mind relax and fall asleep.

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💙 Press play and fall into a deep, restful sleep with White Noise Ocean Surf, a soothing soundscape featuring the white noise mixed with the ocean’s waves.

2. Brown noise

Brown noise, also known as red noise, has a deeper tone than white noise and is likened to the hum of an airplane. It can be particularly effective in masking lower-pitched sounds. For those with ADHD, brown noise can help reduce mental clutter and aid in falling asleep.

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💙 This Brown Noise soundscape is a good choice for someone who needs a little extra help drifting off.

3. Pink noise

Pink noise is the softer cousin of white noise. As frequencies rise, the intensity takes a dip, resulting in a deeper, more mellow sound. Imagine the steady drumming of rain on a rooftop or the whispering rustle of leaves in the wind.

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💙 This Pink Noise soundscape combines both white and brown noise and encourages deep, restful sleep.

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4. Nature sounds

Sounds of rain falling, waves crashing against the shore, or leaves rustling can be soothing sounds for the ADHD brain. These nature sounds can help mask disruptive background noise and evoke a sense of tranquility that can be particularly comforting at bedtime. 

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💙 The full Rain on Leaves soundscape is a popular nature soundscape that incorporates the flow of nature and the steady pitter-patter of raindrops falling.

5. Soft music

Instrumental music or songs with a slow tempo can slow breathing and heart rate and promote relaxation. Choose music without lyrics or with very soft, unintelligible vocals so as not to engage the brain's language processing centers, which could keep the mind active. Classical music, ambient soundscapes, or even slow jazz can be a relaxing ADHD sleep aid.

💙 Unwind to Nature’s Symphony, which combines a nature soundscape with soft music. 

6. Binaural beats

Binaural beats involve playing two slightly different tones in each ear, creating a perceived single new tone that can encourage the brain to synchronize with a frequency associated with relaxation or sleep. This auditory illusion can be an effective ADHD sleep aid, providing a focus for the brain that promotes calmness.

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💙 Rest and relax with the unique frequencies of Binaural Beats & Theta Waves.

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Common sleep challenges for people with ADHD

Difficulty falling asleep

Many people with ADHD find it hard to calm their brains at night. Persistent thoughts, worries, or surges  of creativity can cause difficulty in getting to sleep.

Restless sleep

Once asleep, people with ADHD often wake frequently or have vivid dreams or nightmares. This can prevent deep, restorative sleep that’s crucial for cognitive functions and emotional regulation.

Difficulty waking up

Even after a night of struggling to sleep, waking up can be challenging. Sleep inertia (or grogginess after waking) can be more pronounced with ADHD, affecting mood and productivity.

Impact on daily life

Poor sleep quality and insufficient sleep may worsen some symptoms of ADHD, like difficulty concentrating, impulsivity, and emotional instability. It also may affect overall health, lowering the immune system, contributing to weight gain, and increasing risks of chronic health conditions.

💙 If you or someone you love has ADHD, check out ourADHD Support Series, developed with ADHD clinical psychologist, Alice Conner, PhD.

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How sounds can affect ADHD sleep

Our brains continue to process sounds even when we're asleep, meaning unexpected noises or even ambient sounds like a busy street can wake us or shift us into a lighter stage of sleep. This can significantly disrupt sleep quality for people with ADHD, as their brains are already prone to overstimulation.

However, not all sounds are disruptive. Some soothing sounds can promote better sleep by encouraging relaxation and drowning out jarring noises.

Do sleep frequencies help with ADHD?

Sleep frequencies may help with ADHD, though the research is still catching up to the popularity. Sleep frequencies are audio tracks engineered to play at specific Hz ranges, with the goal of nudging the brain toward slower, more restful states. For people with ADHD, whose brains tend to run at higher arousal levels at night, the appeal makes sense.

Different frequencies are linked to different mental states:

  • Delta waves (0.5–4 Hz) are associated with deep, dreamless sleep

  • Theta waves (4–8 Hz) are linked to drowsiness and light sleep

  • Alpha waves (8–12 Hz) accompany a relaxed, pre-sleep state

Music marketed as \"ADHD sleep music\" often layers these frequencies beneath ambient or instrumental sound, which can be easier to listen to than pure tones.

Some people with ADHD find that frequency-based audio gives their brain something neutral to anchor to, quieting mental noise without demanding attention. It's worth experimenting with as part of a wind-down routine.

How to incorporate soothing sounds into your nightly routine

Understanding how soothing sounds can be part of your relaxation techniques can help people with ADHD overcome sleep challenges. By personalizing these sound options, you can create a sleep environment that supports restful nights and vibrant, energetic days.

  • Choose your sound: Select a soothing sound to play through a smartphone, specialized sound machine, or smart home device.

  • Play with volume: Experiment with different volumes and settings to find what creates a calm and restful environment for you. 

  • Set a timer: Set a timer so the sound fades out after you've fallen asleep to prevent disruption later in the night.

  • Create a routine: Play your chosen soothing sounds as a regular part of your bedtime routine to signal to your brain that it's time to wind down and transition to sleep.

💙 Before you crawl under the covers, try relaxing with Chibs Okereke’sUnwind Into Sleep.

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How to create a relaxing sleep environment: 6 mindful tips for ADHD

A good sleep environment can include soothing sounds, but there are other sleep tips and relaxation techniques that can help your brain and body get good rest. Be patient with the process and adjust your sleep strategies to find what works best for you.

1. Optimize your sleep space

  • Choose comfortable bedding: Invest in a high-quality mattress, pillows, and sheets to help you fall asleep and stay asleep.

  • Control the room temperature: A cool room, ideally around 65 degrees Fahrenheit (18 degrees Celsius), helps decrease your core temperature, a signal to your body that it's time to sleep.

  • Dim the lights: Use low-wattage bulbs in your bedroom, install dimmer switches, or use smart lights that can be programmed to dim as bedtime approaches.

2. Minimize distractions

  • Limit screen time: Avoid screens for at least an hour before bedtime and use blue light filters if you must use a screen.

  • Manage noise pollution: If you're sensitive to sound disruptions, use soothing sounds or consider earplugs to block out unwanted noise.

3. Establish a pre-sleep routine

  • Develop a bedtime ritual: To signal to your brain that it’s time to wind down, try reading, taking a warm bath, or practicing relaxation techniques like deep breathing or meditation.

  • Keep a consistent sleep schedule: Go to bed and wake up at the same time each day, even on weekends, to help regulate your body's internal clock and improve your sleep quality.

4. Address your sensory needs

  • Use calming scents: Aromatherapy can be a helpful ADHD sleep aid. Use essential oils like lavender, chamomile, or sandalwood in diffusers, or apply topically (like with an oil roller) to help soothe the mind.

  • Incorporate tactile elements: A weighted blanket can reduce anxiety and promote deeper sleep.

5. Mind your diet and exercise

  • Watch your intake: Avoid caffeine and heavy meals close to bedtime, as they can disrupt your sleep. Opt for light snacks if you're hungry before bed.

  • Exercise regularly: Physical activity during the day can help you fall asleep more easily. Avoid vigorous exercise close to bedtime as it can make falling asleep more difficult.

6. Create a mental checklist

  • Prepare for the next day: Reduce anxiety about upcoming tasks by planning your next day in advance. A brief to-do list can ease your mind and prevent overthinking when you're trying to fall asleep.

  • Practice mindfulness or journaling: If racing thoughts keep you up, try journaling before bed to clear your mind, or engage in mindfulness exercises to bring your focus to the present.

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ADHD sleep noises FAQs

What are the sleep disturbances of ADHD?

Sleep disturbances associated with ADHD can vary but typically include an overactive mind. This can make it difficult to fall asleep or create restless, non-restorative sleep. These issues can be caused by dysregulation of neurotransmitters in the brain, which can affect the body's internal clock and natural sleep patterns. Additionally, people with ADHD may experience a higher prevalence of sleep disorders, such as sleep apnea, restless legs syndrome, and circadian rhythm sleep disorders, making it even harder to achieve restful sleep.

What is intrusive sleep ADHD?

Intrusive sleep in ADHD refers to sudden and overwhelming urges to sleep that can occur during the day, regardless of how much sleep you get at night. This can interfere with daily activities and can be mistaken for laziness or a lack of interest. Intrusive sleep is thought to result from the impaired regulation of arousal states, common in ADHD, leading to inappropriate timing of sleep and wakefulness. Managing intrusive sleep often involves strategies to improve overall sleep quality and consistency, as well as behavioral interventions to increase alertness during the day.

How do you calm an ADHD brain at night?

Calming an ADHD brain at night requires an approach that addresses both the physical and mental aspects of relaxation.

  • Establish a calming bedtime routine: Engage in relaxing activities, such as reading or listening to soothing music, to help you wind down.

  • Limit exposure to screens: Reduce the use of devices that emit blue light, such as smartphones and computers, before bedtime.

  • Create a comfortable sleep environment: Ensure your bedroom is cool, quiet, and comfortable. Use blackout curtains and soothing sounds to create an ideal sleeping atmosphere.

  • Practice relaxation techniques: Use deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, or yoga and meditation to help reduce anxiety and physical tension, making it easier to fall asleep.

  • Consider physical exercise: Take regular exercise during the day to help regulate sleep patterns and reduce the time it takes to fall asleep at night. 

Why do people with ADHD sleep so much?

While it's a common misconception that people with ADHD always experience insomnia or reduced need for sleep, some may sleep more than the average person. This excessive sleepiness, or hypersomnia, can be a response to the poor quality of sleep often experienced by those with ADHD, including difficulties falling and staying asleep. Additionally, some medications used to treat ADHD can affect sleep patterns, either contributing to sleepiness or insomnia. Finally, the effort of managing ADHD symptoms during the day can increase mental fatigue, prompting a greater need for sleep.

Can white noise help people with ADHD sleep?

White noise may help some people with ADHD fall asleep, though results vary. The steady sound can stop a busy brain from latching onto every creak or passing car, which is often what keeps an ADHD mind switched on at bedtime.

A quiet room isn't always a calm one. When there's nothing to focus on, the mind tends to fill the silence with racing thoughts. A constant, predictable sound gives the brain something low-stakes to settle on. Pairing it with a short breathing exercise or a few minutes of meditation can help signal that it's time to wind down. If sleep trouble continues, it's worth talking with your doctor.

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Calm your mind. Change your life.

Mental health is hard. Getting support doesn't have to be. The Calm app puts the tools to feel better in your back pocket, with personalized content to manage stress and anxiety, get better sleep, and feel more present in your life. 

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Images: Getty

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","excerpt":"

Explore the types of noises and soothing sounds that aid sleep for people with ADHD. Plus, 6 tips and techniques to create a relaxing sleep environment.

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Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA

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If substance use feels hard to manage, you’re not alone. Explore the link between substance use disorder and mental health, plus 9 ways to support your mental health.

For a lot of people, substance use started small. It might have begun as a way to unwind, or to get through a rough patch, and somewhere along the way, it stopped feeling optional.

If that sounds familiar, this is for you. Substance use disorder (SUD) is a medical condition that's more connected to mental health than most people realize — and it may affect mood, sleep, and mental health in ways that creep up gradually. 

Here’s what to know about substance use disorder, what the signs may look like, and 9 practical ways to take care of your mental health, whether you're navigating this yourself or supporting someone you care about.

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What is substance use disorder (SUD)?

Substance use disorder is a medical condition that develops when using alcohol or drugs starts to cause real problems in someone’s life, and yet they keep using anyway. NIDA describes SUD as a complex, treatable chronic condition from which people can and do recover.

SUD changes how the brain works, particularly around reward, motivation, and self-control. That’s why it can be so hard to just stop, and why it has nothing to do with willpower or personal failure.

Doctors diagnose SUD using criteria from the DSM-5, a reference manual used by mental health professionals. It covers a wide range of substances—alcohol, cannabis, opioids, stimulants, and prescription medications—and exists on a spectrum. The earlier it's identified, the more treatment options are available.

11 signs of substance use disorder

These are the common signs clinicians look for. You don’t need to have all of them for substance use to be affecting your well-being. Even noticing a few can be a signal worth paying attention to.

  1. Using more of a substance, or for longer, than you meant to

  2. Wanting to cut back or stop, but finding it hard to

  3. Spending a lot of time getting, using, or recovering from a substance

  4. Having strong urges or cravings to use

  5. Finding it harder to keep up with responsibilities at work, school, or home

  6. Continuing to use even when it’s causing problems in relationships

  7. Losing interest in activities that used to matter to you

  8. Using in situations where it could be unsafe (like driving)

  9. Using even when it’s affecting your physical or mental health

  10. Needing more of the substance to feel the same effect (tolerance)

  11. Experiencing withdrawal symptoms when not using, or using specifically to avoid them

💙 Start with an Emotions Check In on Calm to sit with what you’re feeling, without judgment.

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What causes a substance use disorder?

SUD doesn't have one single cause. It's shaped by a mix of psychological, biological, social, and environmental factors — often several at once.

  • Biology: Genetics may play a role in how the brain responds to reward. Some people are simply more sensitive to the effects of substances.

  • Mental health: Anxiety, depression, trauma, or ongoing stress may make substances feel like a reliable way to cope.

  • Environment: Early experiences, social circles, and how normalized substance use feels can all shape patterns over time.

At the center is often a search for relief. Substances can offer quick emotional comfort, especially when other coping tools feel out of reach. Over time, the brain starts to associate them with feeling better, even when that relief doesn’t last.

None of this is fixed or destined. SUD is a condition with deeper roots, and understanding those roots is part of what makes recovery possible.

How can substance use disorders affect mental health?

Substance use and mental health are deeply intertwined, often in ways that are hard to spot at first.

  • Substances may lift mood or ease anxiety in the moment, but emotional dips often follow. Over time, this can make mood feel less stable.

  • Anxiety may also increase. What once felt calming can start to raise baseline stress, especially between uses.

  • Even when substances help with falling asleep, they tend to disrupt deeper rest, which may affect mood, focus, and resilience.

  • When substances become the main way to manage emotions, it can be harder to work through difficult feelings —  and those feelings may build up over time.

  • Memory, focus, and decision-making may feel less steady, too, adding to frustration or self-doubt.

Related read: The link between alcohol and mental health you need to know about

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9 ways to care for your mental health with SUD

Caring for your mental health while navigating substance use disorder doesn’t have to mean changing everything at once. Small, steady shifts can make a noticeable difference.

1. Notice your patterns without judging them

Start by paying attention to when and why substance use tends to happen. It might show up after stress, during certain social situations, or in quieter moments when things feel heavy.

You don’t need to change anything right away. Simply asking yourself when you reach for it, and what you’re feeling before you do, can help you understand your own patterns a little more clearly.

💙 Practice the art of Noticing — a short meditation that turns self-awareness into an act of curiosity, not judgment.

2. Create space between urge and action

There’s often a small window between the urge and the action, and mindfulness can help you find it. Even a 30 to 60 second pause can help you reconnect with a sense of choice.

You could try:

  • Taking 5 slow breaths, focusing on the exhale

  • Noticing physical sensations, like your feet on the ground

  • Asking yourself, “What am I feeling right now?”

💙 If the urge hits and you need a moment to reset, Finding Space to Breathe offers a simple breathing practice to help you find your footing again

3. Give your nervous system a little relief

When stress builds, the body looks for relief. Substances can become one way to get there, but small physical shifts can help take the edge off, too.

Stepping outside, stretching, or taking a short walk can release some of that built-up tension. It may also make it easier to think clearly and respond more intentionally.

💙 When tension is sitting in your body, try a Daily Move session on Calm to release what’s building up.

Related read: How to regulate your nervous system and restore calm: 12 proven techniques

4. Stay connected, even when it feels hard

It’s easy to pull back from others, especially when you’re struggling. But connection can help regulate mood and reduce the sense of carrying everything alone.

This doesn’t have to mean big conversations. It might look like sending a quick message, sitting with someone, or spending time in a shared space without needing to explain how you feel.

💙 Feeling the pull to withdraw? The Aloneness meditation from the Emotions Series is a gentle exploration of solitude and the difference between being alone and feeling lonely.

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5. Schedule a moment to check in with yourself

Rather than trying to stay aware all day, it can help to build awareness into specific moments, like before using, after work, or before bed.

A simple check-in might look like:

  • What am I feeling right now?

  • What do I need?

  • Is this what I actually want, or just what I usually do?

These small moments of reflection can make patterns easier to notice over time.

6. Create a few steady anchors in your day

When things feel inconsistent, a few steady moments can help bring some structure. It could be something simple, like a morning check-in, a glass of water before your first drink, or a short walk at the same time each day. 

These small anchors can create a sense of stability without adding pressure.

💙 Try Anchoring With the Breath with Jay Shetty — a simple grounding practice for when the day starts to feel unsteady.

7. Understand what you’re really reaching for

Substances often serve a purpose, like easing anxiety, helping with sleep, or numbing difficult emotions. Understanding that role can open up other options over time.

For example, if alcohol helps you wind down at night, you might try adding something alongside it first, like a warm shower or calming music. The shift doesn’t have to happen all at once.

💙 When difficult emotions are driving the urge, Care for Difficult Emotions is a compassionate guide to sitting with what's there, rather than pushing it away.

Related read: Alcohol & sleep: how reducing drinking can improve sleep quality

8. Remember you don’t have to figure this out alone

You don’t have to figure this out on your own. Support can take many forms and make a meaningful difference, especially when mental health is part of the picture.

A good place to start might be:

  • Therapists who understand substance use and mental health together

  • Support groups where you can hear from others with similar experiences

  • Medical professionals who can guide safe and realistic next steps

Whichever feels most approachable is the right place to begin.

9. Focus on what feels doable right now

Big changes can feel overwhelming, especially if your energy or mood is already low. It’s okay to start small — that might mean adjusting one situation, adding one supportive habit, or simply paying closer attention. 

💙 On days when everything feels like too much, Small Steps with Jay Shetty is a reminder that the tiniest moves forward compound over time.

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Substance use disorder FAQs

What does substance use disorder mean?

Substance use disorder means that the use of alcohol, medications, or other substances has become difficult to control and is starting to affect your daily life. 

An SUD might impact your mood, health, relationships, or responsibilities. It’s not about how often you use, but whether that use is creating patterns that feel hard to manage or step away from.

What are the signs and symptoms of a substance use disorder?

Signs and symptoms of a substance use disorder can include cravings, using more than intended, difficulty cutting back, and continuing to use despite negative effects. 

Many people also notice changes in mood, anxiety levels, sleep, focus, or relationships. These signs often build gradually, so it’s the overall pattern, rather than any one symptom, that tends to matter most.

How do I know if my substance use is a problem?

If your substance use is starting to affect how you feel, think, or function in your day-to-day, it may be worth paying attention to. This could look like relying on it to cope, feeling uneasy when you’re not using, or finding it hard to cut back. 

Your concerns deserve attention long before a crisis point. Noticing a shift is enough to start exploring it with care.

Can anxiety or depression cause a substance use disorder?

Anxiety and depression don’t directly cause substance use disorder, but they may increase the risk. Substances are often used to ease difficult emotions, which can create a pattern of relying on them for relief. Over time, this can make the mental health symptoms and the substance use feel increasingly hard to separate.

Are there different types of substance use disorders?

Yes, substance use disorder can involve different substances, including alcohol, prescription medications, and other drugs. 

Each type can vary in how it shows up, but they all involve patterns of use that become hard to control and begin to impact daily life. The severity can also range from mild to more complex, depending on the situation.

Is a substance use disorder treatable?

Yes, substance use disorder is treatable, and many people see meaningful improvement with the right support. 

Treatment doesn’t look the same for everyone, but it can include therapy, medical care, support groups, or a combination of approaches. Change often happens gradually, with small steps building on each other over time.

Related read: 8 tips to help you overcome the fear of being sober

What kind of support helps most with SUD recovery?

Support that feels safe, consistent, and non-judgmental tends to be the most helpful for SUD recovery. This can include professional support like therapy or medical guidance, as well as peer support from others who understand your experience. 

Strong personal connections—even just one trusted person—can also make a meaningful difference in feeling less alone.

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Calm your mind. Change your life.

Mental health is hard. Getting support doesn't have to be. The Calm app puts the tools to feel better in your back pocket, with personalized content to manage stress and anxiety, get better sleep, and feel more present in your life. 

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Images: Getty

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Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA

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Master how to stop overthinking in work, relationships, and beyond. Understand the overthinker's mindset and learn 15 techniques to curb anxiety-driven rumination.

If you’ve ever replayed a text thread at 1am or turned a small mistake into a full mental documentary, you’re likely familiar with overthinking. It can show up at work, in a relationship, or in the middle of an ordinary Tuesday when your brain decides it needs to rethink everything.

What’s tricky is that overthinking often disguises itself as productivity. It can feel like preparation, due diligence, or being responsible. And maybe sometimes it is. But there's a point where thinking just becomes an unhelpful loop. 

Overthinking usually stems from stress, anxiety, perfectionism, or the urge to control what feels uncertain, and understanding your own patterns is the first step to creating change. If you’ve ever wondered why you overthink so much, here's a look at what may be driving your spiral and how to stop overthinking everything and calm your mind.

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The problem with overthinking

First, what is overthinking exactly? It’s the continuous, draining process of analyzing a situation way past its usefulness. When you're overthinking, you find yourself caught up in doubts, assumptions, and focusing on minor, often irrelevant details.

Reflection on the past or prepping for a future scenario can be helpful, and tend to lead to supportive discoveries and growth. Overthinking, on the other hand, tends to be unhelpful. Here’s why:

  • Overthinking has a knack for blowing fears and worries out of proportion, making mountains out of molehills, and painting a grim picture of things to come.

  • It's like a record stuck on repeat, endlessly spinning the same worries and problems, offering no new solutions, just more questions.

  • Overthinking pulls you inward, draining the energy you need for the world outside — for relationships, hobbies, and tasks that have nothing to do with your worries.

  • It becomes a relentless critic, undermining your confidence, shaking your self-esteem, and clouding your decision-making abilities.

  • The constant chatter in your mind can make daily life challenging and disrupt your sleep, making peaceful nights a distant dream.

Overthinking takes a heavy toll, not only on your peace of mind but also on your relationships and effectiveness. If left unchecked, it can spark stress, anxiety, and even depression, turning relationships into endless debates and easy choices into intricate riddles. 

Suffice to say, mastering the art of breaking free from this cycle can drastically improve your overall quality of life.

What causes overthinking?

Overthinking often stems from a mixture of factors (see below). Understanding and acknowledging the root causes of overthinking is the key to beginning to untangle the habit 

Striving for perfection

When we set standards that are out of reach, we end up second-guessing ourselves and criticizing even the smallest errors. This relentless quest for perfection often fuels overthinking. As perfectionists, we can find ourselves obsessing over our shortcomings and mistakes, caught up in trying to live up to our own or others' sky-high expectations.

💙 Learn more about your tendencies towards Perfectionism in this short meditation.

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Desire for control

We sometimes scrutinize situations endlessly, hoping to influence the outcome. Unfortunately, this is usually an illusion. When faced with uncertainty, our minds kick into overdrive, triggering overthinking as we attempt to regain control by mapping out every possible scenario.

💙 Explore how the illusion of Control affects your life during the Daily Calm.

Past experiences

If we were raised in high-pressure surroundings, we might develop overthinking as a persistent coping mechanism. It's as if our brains become structured to continuously scan for possible danger.

💙 Let Jay Shetty guide you through the small steps to help you leave Overthinking behind.

Low self-esteem

Doubting our abilities and self-worth can fuel the need to replay events in search of possible blunders. We live in a society where success is glorified, and failure is often seen as a defeat. This fear of failure can lead us to overanalyze every decision, every step, and every possible outcome.

💙 Find self acceptance and awaken inner strength in the 7 Days of Self Esteem series. 

The invisible threads: unraveling the link between overthinking and anxiety

If you've ever felt trapped by your thoughts, you're not alone. Conditions like generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) often come hand-in-hand with relentless worrying and endless \"what if\" scenarios. 

It works like this: overthinking leads you to churn over problems and potential outcomes, increasing anxiety. This anxiety, in turn, fuels your overthinking as your mind seeks to regain control over the uncertainty and fear.

Understanding this link is crucial because it allows you to address both issues simultaneously. Overcoming overthinking isn't just about clearing your mind but also involves managing your anxiety. By learning how to calm your mind and reduce anxiety, you will, in turn, lessen the intensity and frequency of your overthinking.

💙 Start tackling your anxiety with Dr. Julie in the Overcome Stress and Anxiety series.

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15 tips to stop overthinking and excessive worrying 

Ready to rein in your thoughts? Explore these practical techniques that can help you

1. Thought monitoring 

Keep track of your thought patterns by maintaining a thought log. Later, analyze it to recognize distortions (see #3) and triggers that lead to overthinking.

First step: Choose a notebook or digital app where you'll record your thoughts. Keep it nearby for when you notice spiraling thoughts.

2. Peer-sharing and reality checks

Open up to trustworthy friends about your concerns. This process can help deflate the power of your worries and provide much-needed reassurance.

First step: Identify a friend or family member with whom you feel comfortable sharing your thoughts. Set up a regular check-in time with them.

3. Thought labeling technique

Practice identifying and labeling thought distortions, like 'mind reading' or 'catastrophizing.' This disrupts their influence over your thinking.

First step: Have a look at the selection of thought distortions listed below and start noticing if these appear in your thought journal.

Thought distortions, often automatic and misaligned with reality, include:

  1. Catastrophizing: Exaggerating minor issues, like fearing job loss for being late to a meeting.

  2. Mind reading: Assuming negative judgments from others, like presuming someone’s upset with you if they don’t immediately reply to your text.

  3. Overgeneralization: Applying a single negative event to broader contexts, like predicting lifelong solitude after one bad date.

  4. Black-and-white thinking: Viewing situations as perfect or disastrous, such as feeling worthless without perfect grades.

  5. Should statements: Criticizing oneself or others when rigid behavioral standards aren’t met.

  6. Personalization: Blaming oneself for external events, like feeling responsible for a failed group project.

  7. Filtering: Concentrating only on negatives and overlooking positives, promoting a pessimistic life outlook.

  8. Discounting the positive: Minimizing accomplishments or good events, insisting they’re insignificant.

Identifying these distortions when they arise is key to developing healthier thought patterns.

4. Embrace uncertainty

Acknowledge that it's impossible to control everything. Resist the urge to fight uncertainty. Embrace it instead, as the struggle often exacerbates suffering.

First step: Identify a situation in your life where you feel uncertain. Instead of trying to predict every possible outcome, allow it to unfold naturally. Just focus on your next step, not the big picture.

5. Prioritize restful sleep

Make sure to get 7-9 hours of sleep nightly. A well-rested mind better controls obsessive thoughts, promoting optimal brain health.

First step: Set an alarm clock or wake-up light for tomorrow morning. Struggling to doze off?

💙 Let us help you get your best night’s sleep with our Sleep Stories, soundscapes, sleep meditations, and sleep playlists.

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6. Cognitive-behavioral Therapy (CBT) techniques

CBT offers techniques to challenge and gradually shift fear-based thinking habits, helping you manage overthinking over time.

First step: Find a book or online resource introducing CBT techniques and dedicate time each week to read and practice.

7. Engage in productive distractions

When you notice yourself ruminating, consciously shift your focus to a distracting activity, which can help interrupt the overthinking cycle.

First step: Identify an activity you enjoy that requires active engagement, such as reading, yoga, or playing a sport. Schedule a time for the activity and stick to it.

8. Develop positive mental habits

Gradually train your brain to focus more on gratitude, optimism, and self-compassion. Concentrate on problem-solving rather than dwelling on issues.

First step: Start a gratitude journal, and tonight before you sleep, jot down three things you were grateful for in the day.

9. Engage in creative activities

Channel your energy into creative pursuits like art, writing, or music. These outlets distract your mind and provide a productive space for your thoughts.

First step: Choose a favorite creative activity and dedicate 30 minutes to it today. Immerse yourself in it, focussing on the process, not the result.

10. Limit social media and screen time

The digital age bombards us with a lot of information that can lead to overthinking. Limiting social media use and screen time can reduce information overload, decreasing overthinking.

First step: Read a new book. Pick up that art project you’ve been meaning to start. Get your tools out for some DIY. Find ways to engage your brain without scrolling.

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11. Embrace mindfulness meditation

Mindfulness meditation has been scientifically proven to rewire your brain, reducing tendencies to overthink and fret. Even a five-minute daily practice can make a significant difference.

First step: Download Calm for free and try a guided meditation to reduce stress and anxiety. New to meditation? Try the Mindfulness for Beginners series to learn the basics.. 

12. Implement thinking time limits 

Curb your mind's propensity to ruminate by setting thinking boundaries. Dedicate a specific time window each day to ponder over issues, then consciously switch your attention elsewhere. 

First step: Allow yourself 15-30 minutes of worry time right now, and once that time is over, redirect your thoughts to something else. If this feels a bit overwhelming, let Chibs Okereke talk you through it in our Scheduled Worry Time meditation.

13. Express thoughts through writing

Journaling serves as a vent for your mind, curbing the cycle of repetitive thoughts and providing a new perspective. It offers a safe, judgment-free zone to pour out your worries, fears, and emotions.

First step: Find something to write on, be it paper or an app. Spend a few minutes writing about your thoughts, worries, and feelings without judgment or need for a solution.

14. Regular physical exercise

Physical activity is a natural mood enhancer. Find an exercise you enjoy, and watch it serve as a healthy diversion from overthinking.

First step: Choose an exercise, such as walking, yoga, or cycling, and schedule it into your day.

15. Professional assistance

If overthinking significantly impacts your wellbeing, consider contacting a mental health professional. They can provide tailored strategies to help you manage your thought patterns more effectively.

First step: Look for therapists or counselors in your local area or online platforms. Set up an initial consultation to discuss your situation and understand how they can help.

It may take time to see results, and that's perfectly okay. Start with one or two strategies and gradually incorporate more as you see and feel the benefits in your life. Patience and consistency are key.

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Think less, live more

We all obsess at times - it's part of being human. But you possess more power than you realize to rewire habitual thought patterns and foster inner quiet.

Mindfulness involves focusing on the present moment without judgment. When you're mindful, you're actively involved in what's happening right now, allowing you to recognize and reduce negative, distracting, or anxious thoughts and feelings.

Turning away from the path of overthinking can lead to a more balanced, fulfilling life. So, the next time you find yourself stuck overthinking, take a step back, breathe, and remind yourself to live in the moment.

💙 Want more resources to help quiet the overthinking mind? Calm offers a range of guided meditations, soundscapes, and breathing exercises designed to promote mental clarity and relaxation.

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Overthinking FAQs

How do I stop overthinking everything?

Start by noticing when your thoughts spiral — awareness is the first step. From there, use calming tools like journaling, breathing exercises, or mindfulness to shift your focus. Practicing techniques like thought-labeling and limiting “worry time” can also help reduce mental overload. And remember, progress comes with practice. It’s okay to start small.

What are the best ways to stop overthinking?

The most effective strategies include mindfulness meditation, setting time limits for worrying, and getting your thoughts out through journaling. Physical exercise, CBT techniques, and practicing acceptance of uncertainty are also proven to help reduce overthinking. Find a mix that works for your lifestyle and mental health needs.

Why do I overthink everything?

Overthinking often happens because the mind is trying to protect you, even when it's doing a messy job of it. Stress, perfectionism, fear of mistakes, past experiences, low self-esteem, and anxiety can all push the brain into constant analysis. It feels like problem-solving, but past a certain point it's usually just the same ground covered twice.

If overthinking feels constant, it's worth looking for patterns. It may show up most around uncertainty, relationships, work pressure, or moments when self-doubt is already running high. Spotting those triggers makes it easier to reach for tools like thought monitoring, reality checks with trusted people, scheduled worry time, or professional support when needed.

What are 3 ways to stop overthinking?

  1. Practicing mindfulness helps anchor the mind in the present moment, reducing worry about past regrets or future anxieties.

  2. Regular physical exercise can alleviate stress and improve mood, reducing the tendency to overthink.

  3. Writing in a journal provides a space to express thoughts and concerns, promoting clarity and reducing the urge to overthink.

Why do I constantly keep overthinking?

Chronic overthinking can result from habitual patterns, where the mind is used to entering a loop of excessive analysis and worry. It can also be a coping mechanism to gain control over situations causing stress or anxiety. Understanding the triggers of overthinking can help in developing strategies to manage it effectively.

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Calm your mind. Change your life.

Mental health is hard. Getting support doesn't have to be. The Calm app puts the tools to feel better in your back pocket, with personalized content to manage stress and anxiety, get better sleep, and feel more present in your life. 

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Images: Getty

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Master how to stop overthinking in work, relationships, and beyond. Understand the overthinker's mindset and learn 15 techniques to curb anxiety-driven rumination.

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Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA

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Most of us want to help — but knowing how to give advice is harder than it looks. These 7 tips can help you offer support that feels comforting and helpful, rather than critical or pushy.

A friend calls, venting about their relationship. A coworker slumps into your office, frustrated with their boss. Your sibling texts about a decision they're clearly already second-guessing. And you feel it — that pull to help, to fix, to say something useful. 

But the urge to help and the ability to help well are two different things. Most people don’t struggle with giving advice because they don’t care. They struggle because they jump in too fast, frame it wrong, or offer it when the other person isn't looking for input. The result? Defensiveness, distance, or a conversation that falls flat.

Giving advice is a relational skill, and like any skill, it gets easier with practice. It starts with listening and showing up in a way that makes the other person feel heard. Here's a look at how to do that.

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How to give advice: 7 tips for giving advice that actually helps

Showing up well for someone gets easier the more intentional you are about it. Try these small, practical shifts to make your support feel encouraging, empathetic, and easy to receive. 

1. Listen before you say anything

Most of us think we’re good listeners. But there's a real difference between waiting for your turn to speak and actually listening to understand.

When someone shares a problem, it’s natural to start forming a response while they're still talking. The trouble is that means you're only half-listening, and you'll likely miss what really matters. Before you offer anything, try to sit with what they've said. What's the actual problem? What's underneath it? How are they feeling about it?

Asking a few questions before weighing in signals that you're not rushing to judgment, and that you truly care about getting it right. That alone can make advice feel like support rather than criticism.

Read more: Mindful listening: how to improve your communication

2. Find out what they need from you

Not everyone who vents is looking for a solution. Some people need to think out loud. Others want validation. And some genuinely want your take. Assuming which one it is — that's usually where things go wrong.

Before offering anything, find out what kind of support they're looking for. If you have thoughts to share, ask whether they want to hear them. That two-step check-in takes about 20 seconds and shows that you're paying attention to what they need.

Try: \"Do you want to think this through together, or are you just venting? I have some thoughts if it's helpful.\"

💙 Not sure what to say? Sometimes you don’t need to say anything. Calm’s Holding Space meditation can help you practice being present with someone’s emotions without rushing to fix them.

3. Check in with yourself first

Before you say anything, it's worth checking in with yourself. Are you offering this because it would genuinely help them, or because it would make you feel helpful? Is this about their situation, or your reaction to it?

Sometimes what feels like an urge to help is actually discomfort with someone else's uncertainty. Advice shaped by your own experience or emotions doesn't always translate well to someone else's situation — however well-intentioned it might be.

A mindful pause here can be the difference between advice that lands and advice that backfires.

💙 It’s hard to show up for someone else when you’re caught up in your own reaction. Calm’s Non-reactivity sessions in 21 Days of Calm can help you pause, notice what you’re feeling, and respond from a steadier place.

4. Lead with questions, not answers

When you do offer advice, framing matters. Questions almost always resonate more than directives. Instead of \"you should do X,\" try \"have you considered X?\" or \"I wonder if X might be worth exploring.\"

It may help to ask what they’ve already considered. Drawing out their own ideas before volunteering yours helps them feel understood and makes it far more likely the advice will stick.

Softening your language also helps. Using \"I\" language rather than \"you should\" statements keeps the conversation feeling supportive rather than prescriptive, and takes the edge off what might otherwise feel like criticism.

Try: \"I wonder if...\" or \"Something that worked for me was...\" rather than \"You should...\"

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5. Mind your tone as much as your words

You can say the right thing in the wrong way and still come across as judgmental. Tone carries enormous weight, often more than the words themselves.

If your tone feels pitying or judgmental, you'll likely come across as patronizing, regardless of what you actually said. Keeping the conversation warm and relaxed goes a long way in making advice sit better.

This is where mindfulness can help. If you're feeling frustrated or certain you already have the answer, it tends to bleed through. Taking a breath before you respond and checking in with your own emotional state before you speak can make all the difference in how you come across.

💙 Your tone is shaped by how present you are in the moment. Build that presence with the See-Hear-Feel noting technique during Calm’s Mindfulness in Daily Life meditation. 

6. Let them find their own answer

When it comes to advice, less is almost always more. Once you've offered your perspective, the most supportive thing you can do is step back and let them respond.

People usually already know what they need to do. Sometimes they just need to talk through their thoughts to get there. Your job isn't always to provide the answer. Sometimes just being present is all they need to find their own way.

💙 Good advice ends with letting them decide. Calm’s Self-Trust session is a gentle reminder that trusting others starts with trusting yourself. 

7. Share your thoughts, then step back 

This one's hard. You give advice because you care, and then you watch someone do the opposite of what you suggested. It can feel like a rejection, or even a little insulting.

But good advice isn't measured by whether someone follows it. It's measured by whether they feel respected and supported during the conversation. If they do, you've done your part.

Giving advice freely, without needing it to be taken, is one of the most generous things you can do for someone you care about.

💙 You can care deeply and still release the outcome. Calm’s meditation on Letting Go can help you practice that balance. 

When giving advice does more harm than good 

The urge to help is natural, but not every moment calls for input. Learning to recognize when to hold back is just as important as knowing what to say.

Watch for these signs before you weigh in: 

  • They’re still in the middle of feeling it: If someone is overwhelmed, frustrated, or upset, solutions can feel premature — like you're rushing past what they're actually going through. Simply being present and acknowledging what you’re hearing (like \"that sounds really heavy\") can mean more than any advice right now.

  • You haven't checked in first: Unsolicited advice can feel like overreaching, implying the other person can't handle their own situation, even when that's not what you mean. A quick \"Would it help to hear my thoughts?\" changes everything.

  • You're feeling the urge to fix or speed things up: If the pull to give advice is really about easing your discomfort or steering the outcome, it may make the other person feel pressured. Support tends to land better when it's paced to the other person.

  • You don’t have the full picture: There are limits to what you can meaningfully advise on, and that’s okay. If something falls outside your experience, saying so honestly can be far more helpful than stretching for answers that don't quite fit.

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How to give advice FAQs

How do you give advice to someone without sounding judgmental?

The key to giving advice to someone without sounding judgmental is listening carefully before you say anything, framing suggestions with curiosity rather than certainty, and keeping your tone warm. 

Avoid phrases like \"you should\" or \"obviously\", as these tend to put people on the defensive. Leading with questions, using \"I\" language, and keeping things low-pressure all help you come across as supportive rather than critical.

How do I give “good” advice?

Giving good advice starts with understanding the full picture. Ask questions, hear them out, and find out what kind of support they're looking for. Offer your perspective without framing it as the obvious answer, and be willing to let go of the outcome. Good advice isn't always taken, and that's okay.

Related read: How to hold space for someone (without losing yourself)

Should you always ask permission before giving advice?

In most personal conversations, it’s worth asking permission before giving advice. Checking in first, even with a simple \"would it help to hear my take?\", gives the other person a choice and makes them more receptive to what you say. 

There are exceptions — if someone is in a safety situation, or if your role involves giving guidance (like a manager or mentor), permission may be implied. But as a general habit, asking first is almost always worth it.

Why does advice sometimes make people defensive?

Unsolicited advice can trigger psychological reactance, a defensive response that occurs when people feel their autonomy or freedom of choice is being threatened. 

Even well-intentioned advice can feel like a power imbalance, implying that the person can't handle their own situation. This is why tone, timing, and consent are so important. The same suggestion can land completely differently depending on whether someone asked for it.

How do you give advice at work without sounding critical?

To give advice at work, focus on the situation or outcome and frame suggestions as options rather than corrections. Use \"I\" statements where possible, like \"something I've found helpful is...\", which sits very differently than \"you need to...\". 

Timing matters too. Feedback given privately, when someone is calm and not under pressure, is more likely to land well. If you're in a senior role, acknowledging that the other person may have context you don't can go a long way.

How can you tell if someone wants advice or just support?

The easiest way to tell if someone wants advice or just support is to ask. If you'd rather read the cues, pay attention to how they're framing the conversation. Are they describing a problem they're stuck on and looking at you expectantly? They might want input. Are they venting, processing, or just sharing how they feel? They probably want to be heard. 

When in doubt, start with support — validation and empathy can go a long way. Most people will let you know when they're ready to hear solutions.

Related read: How to be more empathetic: 8 exercises to develop empathy

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Calm your mind. Change your life.

Mental health is hard. Getting support doesn't have to be. The Calm app puts the tools to feel better in your back pocket, with personalized content to manage stress and anxiety, get better sleep, and feel more present in your life. 

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Images: Getty

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Most of us want to help — but knowing how to give advice is harder than it looks. These 7 tips can help you offer support that feels comforting and helpful, rather than critical or pushy.

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Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA

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Discover the best sounds for sleep, from white noise to nature sounds, and find the best sleep noise to help you fall asleep faster and wake up refreshed.

Ah, the elusive good night's sleep. We all want it (and we know how important sleep is for our physical and mental health), but sometimes it feels like chasing a shadow. Whether it's stress, a racing mind, or just the buzz of the city that's keeping you awake, the struggle is real. 

If you’re struggling with sleep, experimenting with the best noise for sleep—like steady white noise or soothing nature sounds—can help you find what works best. Some people need sounds to help sleep by blocking external noise, while others prefer rhythmic sounds that help the brain transition into deep sleep.

That’s where sound comes in. And we don’t mean just regular noise like traffic or even music. Certain sounds can be powerful when it comes to promoting a restful night’s sleep.

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10 best sounds to fall asleep to

Now that you understand how sound plays a role in getting a good night’s rest, here are some different types of sounds and soundscapes that you might implement into your routine each night to help you sleep better.

  1. White noise, pink noise, brown noise and green noise

These sounds have a consistency that runs across all frequencies, creating a calming, static-like sound. Think of a fan's steady hum or an airplane's hushed drone. Soothing, right? These sounds create a blanket of noise that masks sudden, jarring environmental noises that can disrupt your sleep.

White noise vs brown noise: what's the difference between the color sounds?

We use the color-coded system to name the distinct style of noise, each characterized by how its energy spreads across various sound frequencies. Here's how this translates into the world of sleep:

  • Black noise, aka no noise at all, is the absolute best for sleep. But as it’s rarely available on this planet, we turn to sounds for a good night's snooze.

  • White noise is a bit like a well-balanced meal, and is equal in intensity across all the frequencies humans can hear. Imagine a constant, soft hiss akin to a radio tuned to an unused frequency. Its well-rounded nature works wonders in drowning out other sounds, making it a popular choice for improving sleep and enhancing focus.

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  • Pink noise is the softer cousin of white noise. As frequencies rise, the intensity takes a dip, resulting in a deeper, more mellow  sound. Imagine the steady drumming of rain on a rooftop or the whispering rustle of leaves in the wind.

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  • Brown noise, or Brownian noise, turns down the intensity dial even faster than pink noise as frequencies climb. The outcome? A deep, low roar reminiscent of a cascading waterfall or distant rumble of thunder. When comparing brown noise vs. white noise, you may notice that brown noise has a lower sound than white noise. Brown noise tends to boost mental focus in addition to being useful for sleep.

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  • Green noise, while not a regular on the color-coded roster, sometimes describes the mid-frequency sounds we associate with nature—a tranquil forest or the gentle babble of a brook.

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2. Ocean waves

There's something inherently calming about the sound of ocean waves. The gentle, rhythmic rise and fall mimic our breathing pattern when we're relaxed and peaceful. Listening to this can subtly influence your breath, guiding you into a slower, deeper rhythm conducive to sleep. 

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💙 If you like what you hear, try this Ocean Waves soundscape tonight for a gentle, relaxing vibe as you drift off.

3. Rain and water sounds

The gentle pitter-patter of rain on a rooftop or the soft gurgle of a running stream provides a soothing, repetitive sound that many find relaxing. These sorts of rain and water sounds can transport you to a peaceful place in nature that makes sleep easier to slip into.

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💙 You can also try the Zen Garden Gentle Rain soundscape, a three-dimensional, immersive audio soundscape that’s designed to soothe your body and mind. Tune in with headphones for maximum relaxation. 

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4. Nature sounds

Ever noticed how serene you feel in nature? Birds singing at dawn, crickets chirping at dusk, or leaves rustling in the wind can have a profound calming effect. When reproduced at bedtime, nature sounds can help lull you to sleep.

💙 Try this Alpine Meadow soundscape to bring the soothing effects of nature indoors. 

5. Music

Music can make you feel better. It’s proven to have a powerful effect on the brain and, importantly, can aid in sleep and relaxation. Slow, steady, and harmonious tunes can soothe your mind, slow your heart rate, and relax your muscles. Opt for pieces with slow rhythms (60 to 80 beats per minute) and calming melodies to transport you to a state of relaxation. 

💙 This Cello in Rain soundscape collection combines soothing music with nature sounds for an extra-relaxing sound.

6. Meditation practices and soundscapes 

Guided meditation practices or meditation-centric sounds are designed to help you unwind and prepare your body and mind for sleep. Gentle, soothing tunes and calming rhythms can aid in transitioning you from the wakeful worries of the day to a peaceful night's sleep. 

💙 Try a guided meditation designed to help you move towards sleep like, Journey to Rest on the Mountaintop.

7. Sleep Stories

While stories at bedtime can be helpful, it’s important to choose ones that are designed to aid in your falling asleep. Anyone who’s been immersed in a gripping plot will understand how reading at night doesn’t always help you sleep!

Even better for easing the transition to sleep than reading a story, is listening to one. That’s where Sleep Stories come in. These bedtime tales are carefully constructed to ensure that everything from the storyline and topic, to the tone of voice, and narration are all as sleep-inducing as possible. 

💙 Try tuning in to one of our Sleep Stories tonight. Drift off to sleep with Harry Styles, or play one of our popular train journeys like The Taurus Express.

8. Binaural beats 

Binaural beats are considered an auditory illusion. When different frequency sounds are played in each ear, the brain creates a third sound. Some find this effect very soothing. 

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💙 Try adding this Binaural Beats playlist to your nighttime relaxation routine and see if it helps you achieve a good night’s rest.

9. Theta waves

Theta waves are slow-frequency brainwaves that are said to have a deep connection to daydreaming, creativity, and is a mental holding tank of sorts for memory, emotion, and sensations. These waves are often associated with deep relaxation, meditation, and the first stages of sleep.

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💙 Play this soothing Theta Waves and Rain for Sleep playlist to help promote restful sleep tonight. 

10. ASMR sounds

Whether it's whispers, soft sounds, personal attention, or methodical tasks, the gentle, calming nature of ASMR can induce a sense of relaxation and ease that's perfect for bedtime. From soft whispers to the sound of brushing hair, these carefully crafted soundscapes can help pave the way to a peaceful night's rest. 

💙 Gentle, ASMR-centric Sleep Stories like The Velveteen Rabbit can help you drift off peacefully each night.

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How to choose the best sleep sound for your needs

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If you want...Try this soundWhy it may help
To block traffic, neighbors, or other background noiseWhite noiseSteady, consistent sound masks sudden changes that can pull you out of sleep
A softer, deeper sound than white noisePink noise or brown noiseLower, gentler profiles that feel less harsh while still creating a stable backdrop
Something natural and rhythmicOcean waves or rain soundsRepeating water sounds feel calming and predictable
A peaceful outdoor feelNature soundsBirdsong, wind, or rustling leaves create a relaxing atmosphere
A more guided wind-downMeditation soundscapes or Sleep StoriesHelp shift attention away from stress and bedtime overthinking
A sound that feels immersive in headphonesBinaural beats or theta wavesOften used for deep relaxation and easing the transition into sleep
Gentle, close-up audio that feels soothingASMR soundsSoft whispers and quiet repetitive sounds create a strong sense of calm
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What is the connection between sound and sleep?

Our sense of hearing is fundamentally tied to our perceptions, experiences, and our feelings of relaxation. When you’re falling asleep, even the slightest sound disruption can jerk you awake. It might be a car door slamming, the sound of a gate opening, or sprinklers kicking on. 

Disruptive sounds (particularly ones that have a negative association) can impede your ability to fall asleep and stay asleep.

By contrast, positive sounds can not only help you get to sleep but can also promote deeper sleep. For some, the mere rustle of leaves in a gentle breeze or the rhythm of raindrops on a windowpane can evoke peace. For others, sounds that impact the brain waves like white noise, pink noise, or nature soundscapes can be helpful.

So by using the right sounds, you create a tranquil sleep-friendly space that’s more likely to lead to a peaceful night’s rest. Picture your bedroom transformed into a quiet beach, with the gentle crashing of waves, or a serene forest with a soft symphony of nocturnal creatures. This audio scenery isn't just pleasing to the mind; it's a bridge to better sleep, too. The sound becomes a rhythmic cue, coaxing your brain to release the day's anxieties and surrender to rest. 

Why calming and soothing sounds can help you sleep

In addition to helping with relaxation, the best sleep noise can train your brain to associate a specific sound with bedtime, improving sleep consistency over time. Studies suggest that calming sounds for sleep—especially those with steady frequencies like white or pink noise—can also enhance sleep quality by reducing night-time awakenings.

Here are five key benefits of using calming sounds as a natural sleep aid:

  1. Sound can be a signal for your body: Just like your body has learned that darkness means it's time to sleep, introducing a specific sleep sound can help signal to your body that it's time to wind down. Over time, this routine can help your body recognize and respond to these auditory cues, easing the transition to sleep.

  2. Sound helps the brain relax: Sleep sounds, especially those designed for relaxation like meditation soundtracks or binaural beats, can help slow down brain activity. This, in turn, encourages a relaxed state conducive to sleep.

  3. Sound promotes deeper and longer sleep: Studies have shown that consistent, soothing sounds can help you fall asleep quicker and improve your sleep quality. Better sleep quality often translates to waking up feeling more refreshed and energized.

  4. Sound masks environmental noises: Environmental noises can be a significant sleep disruptor, whether it's the neighbor's late-night TV show, traffic sounds, or a barking dog. Sleep sounds provide a steady sonic backdrop, helping to mask these potential disturbances.

  5. Sound helps those with insomnia and anxiety: If you struggle with insomnia or anxiety, introducing sleep sounds can be particularly beneficial. The soothing rhythms and patterns of these sounds can help calm a racing mind, easing you into a peaceful sleep.

Incorporating calming sounds into your sleep routine could be a game-changer. It's all about creating a sleep environment that feels safe, soothing, and serene, and sound can play a pivotal role in shaping this environment.

And if you can’t play them through a speaker, or prefer to listen with a noise-canceling option, sleepbuds like Calm x Ozlo Sleepbuds can help you sleep soundly and comfortably. These comfortable buds deliver up to 10 hours of continuous, noise-masking rest. Allowing for your sleep sounds to accompany a full night’s sleep.

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Can soothing sounds really help you sleep?

Research shows that the best noises to sleep can improve sleep efficiency by masking disruptive environmental sounds. White noise can help people fall asleep faster, while pink noise has been linked to deeper, more stable sleep cycles. Exploring different sounds to help you sleep can help you determine what works best for your body’s natural rhythm.

Are sleep sounds a trend, or is there solid science to back up the effectiveness of soothing sleep sounds?

  • Scientific research supports the effectiveness of sleep sounds in promoting better sleep quality.

  • Consistent, soothing sounds play a crucial role in sleep regulation, providing a constant audio backdrop that drowns out unwanted disturbances (known as “auditory masking”).

  • Apart from masking noise, soothing sounds can also foster relaxation. Much like how a warm bath preps your body for sleep, aural comfort aids in calming your mind.

  • Appropriate sounds can assist you in falling asleep faster and improve sleep consolidation.

Sleep sounds FAQs

What is the best noise for sleep and relaxation?

The \"best\" sound varies from person to person as each sound type offers a unique pathway to peaceful sleep. Some people find white noise most effective, while others prefer nature sounds or binaural beats. The key is experimenting with different sounds and finding the best for you.

Calm can help. With a vast and diverse library of soundscapes, music, and Sleep Stories designed to relax your mind and body, you’ll be sleeping soundly in no time.

What is the most relaxing sound to fall asleep to?

The most relaxing sound for sleep varies by person, but many find that white noise, pink noise, or nature-based sounds like ocean waves or rain help them drift off more easily. These best sleep sounds work by creating a soothing audio environment that promotes deep sleep.

What sound stimulates deep sleep?

Rhythmic and soothing sounds, like white or pink noise, can help stimulate deep sleep. Additionally, binaural beats and theta waves are designed to slow your brainwaves, aiding the transition from light sleep to deep sleep.

What are the natural sounds to help you sleep?

Natural sounds like rainfall, ocean waves, rustling leaves, or even the distant rumble of thunder can be highly soothing and conducive to sleep. These sounds mimic the relaxing sounds of nature, helping to create a peaceful environment for rest.

Is it okay to play white noise all night?

Yes, it’s generally safe to play white noise all night. The steady hum can mask background noise and create a consistent soundscape conducive to sleep. However, it's essential to keep the volume at a comfortable level to avoid any potential hearing damage.

White noise vs brown noise: what's the difference between the color sounds?

The main difference between white and brown noise is pitch. White noise sounds higher and hissier, while brown noise sounds deeper and lower, closer to a steady rumble. Both mask background sound, but they feel different to the ear.

Which one suits you comes down to preference. Some people find white noise too sharp and settle faster with brown noise, while others find the opposite. It's worth trying each for a few nights, alongside a short breathing exercise or meditation, to see which one quiets your mind most.

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Calm your mind. Change the world.

Mental health is hard. Getting support doesn’t have to be. The Calm app puts the tools to feel better in your back pocket, with personalized content to manage stress and anxiety, get better sleep, and feel more present in your life. 

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Discover the best sounds for sleep, from white noise to nature sounds, and find the best sleep noise to help you fall asleep faster and wake up refreshed.

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Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA

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Too stressed to function? Some calming noise might be just what you need. Sit back, relax, and turn on one of these 6 sounds shown to help your anxiety fade away.

When you’re juggling the demands of daily life—trying to keep all the balls in the air at work, at home, and in your relationships—it can all get a bit… loud. The stress rises and anxiety builds and before you know it, your mind is racing with a million thoughts you can’t seem to control. Just getting through the day can be exhausting. Sound familiar?

If you’re stuck in an anxiety loop, and can’t seem to relax or focus, it may be time to turn the volume in your head down by turning the noise around you up, literally. It’s been shown that the right sounds may help to calm your mind and relax your body. Whether it’s the crash of ocean waves, a gentle rainfall, or the steady hum of white noise, tailoring the sounds around us can be a simple but powerful way to curb anxiety. 

And luckily, we’ve created the perfect blend of noises to help you turn the calm way up in your life.

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Why sound can help calm anxiety

Research has shown that relaxing music and calming sounds can have a direct impact on how your brain processes stress. When you listen to soothing sounds, your brain may release feel-good chemicals like oxytocin that may help lift your mood and reduce anxiety. These sounds can shift your mind away from anxious thoughts and give your brain something more soothing to focus on when it feels overwhelmed. 

Sounds like gentle music or nature sounds may also help slow down your heart rate and slow your breathing, making you feel more physically relaxed. So it’s no surprise that sound therapy is also commonly recommended to people who have trouble winding down thanks to their anxiety. Consistent use of calming sounds can signal to your brain that it’s time to rest, making it easier to fall asleep and stay asleep.

What makes sound such a useful tool is that you can pretty much use it anywhere. Whether you’re stuck in a traffic jam, on a deadline at work, or tossing and turning in bed, you can pop on a relaxing playlist or soothing nature sounds to help you find a bit of peace inside your day.

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6 calming sounds to help quiet your anxiety

While Calm Noise is one (great) option to help you feel calmer and more centered, we also know that everyone responds to sound differently. Plus, what you need in a certain moment or situation will be different than the next. 

Maybe Calm Noise works great for you at bedtime, but classical music is what you need to cut down on work stress. Take some time to explore a variety of soothing sounds and music to find what supports you the most.

1. Calm Noise (the world's most calming noise)

Since helping people reduce anxiety and sleep better is sort of our thing, we decided to use all of this research to fuel the development of the most calming background noise in the world. Calm Noise, meticulously crafted and lab tested by Tom Middleton and White Mirror, utilizes cutting-edge psychoacoustic technology to enhance relaxation, alleviate anxiety, and encourage sleep.  

This new type of sound combines White, Pink, Brown, and Green noise, which have many proven uses on their own. 

  • White Noise: Well known for its ability to mask background sounds, which can be helpful if you’re trying to concentrate or sleep in a noisy environment. Its steady, consistent sound helps drown out distractions, making it easier for your mind to settle.

  • Pink Noise: A bit softer than white noise, with a more balanced tone. Some studies suggest that pink noise can help improve sleep by gently slowing down brainwave activity.

  • Brown Noise: A deeper, richer sound, like the low rumble of thunder or the distant roar of a waterfall. Many people find this type of noise to be particularly soothing and grounding.

  • Green Noise: Incorporates natural sound elements such as wind through the trees or ocean waves, which can help create a peaceful, relaxing mental space.

Rather than choosing just one of these sounds to support you, we developed a unique hybrid blend for maximum anxiety relief and sleep benefits. 

“Harnessing advanced psychoacoustic technology, Calm Noise offers a unique mix of White, Pink, Brown, and Green noise, meticulously crafted and tested by White Mirror for maximum relaxation and sleep benefits. 89% of individuals Calm surveyed, reported that they thought it helped with anxiety relief and sleep improvement.”

Calm noise is designed to offer a balanced, layered sound that helps quiet the mind, making it useful for anxiety relief or as part of a supportive bedtime routine. And it’s working! An impressive 89% of users reported reduced anxiety and improved sleep quality. Get a sneak peek of Calm Noise here:

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Listen to a sample of Calm Noise
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💙 Turn on the Calm Noise soundscape while you wind down after work or let it help you drift off to sleep tonight.

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2. Nature sounds

Research has shown that listening to nature sounds like rain, ocean waves, or a flowing stream, may lower your heart rate and reduce stress, helping you feel more grounded. If you can’t get outside to experience nature directly, playing these sounds can bring a little bit of that calming effect into your space.

💙 Let the sounds of Rain on Leaves help you to soothe your anxious mind at work or at home.

3. Classical music

Classical music has been shown to perhaps be helpful in lowering cortisol, a stress hormone, which may be helpful for some in reducing anxiety. If you’re not sure where to start, try listening to something like Clair de Lune by Debussy or Moonlight Sonata by Beethoven. These are well-loved pieces that many people find create a soothing atmosphere.

💙 Enjoy soft and slow arrangements of some of the most popular classical pieces in the Soothing String Quartet playlist.

4. Binaural beats

Binaural beats involve playing two slightly different tones in each ear, which the brain processes as a single “beat.” The calming effect this can produce may be especially helpful if you’re trying to focus, meditate, or simply take a break from an anxious moment. You’ll need headphones for binaural beats, as the two tones need to be played separately in each ear. 

💙 Soothe your mind and ears with the Binaural Beats and Theta Waves playlist. 

5. Ambient music

Artists like Brian Eno, Sigur Rós, and Max Richter are well-known for creating calming ambient music — atmospheric soundscapes without strong melodies or lyrics. This type of music can help you relax, focus, or meditate as it doesn’t draw too much attention to itself. Many people find ambient music to be ideal for unwinding after a long day.

💙 Enjoy Sigur Rós songs remixed for deep sleep and relaxation on the Liminal Sleep playlist. 

6. White, pink, or brown noise

These individual color noises are commonly used for anxiety relief, relaxation, and sleep. White noise helps block out distracting sounds, while pink noise is a bit softer and can be especially good for promoting sleep. Brown noise, with its deep, soothing tones, can feel more natural and comforting for some people. Experimenting with different noise types can help you find the one that works best for your needs.

💙 Try out the White Noise, Pink Noise, and Brown Noise soundscapes to see what sounds best to your ears.

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How to choose the best noise for anxiety: 5 tips to help you relax

Now that you know more about what sounds work best—and which you might like—check out these tips to help you enhance their effectiveness, helping you to quiet your anxiety and relax.

1. Choose the right sound for the situation

When choosing your sound, think about how you feel and what you need at that moment. If you’re trying to focus while working, white noise or ambient music can block out distractions and help you concentrate. If you’re looking to calm down after a long day, nature sounds or calming classical music allow your mind to gently settle. Experiment with different sounds to see what works best for you for different times of day or moods. 

If you struggle with identifying how you’re feeling, try these six techniques to monitor your mood.

2. Use headphones for an immersive experience

Headphones can create an immersive experience, blocking out the world around you so you can focus entirely on the sound and quiet your mind. This can be especially helpful if you’re in a noisy environment, like a busy office or a bustling household, where it’s hard to escape distractions. If you’re listening to binaural beats, headphones are essential since they rely on playing different tones in each ear to create the calming effect. Just be sure to keep the volume low enough that you protect your ears.

3. Set a calming routine

Incorporating calming sounds into your daily routine can be a great way to manage anxiety consistently. You might listen to nature sounds while drinking your morning coffee to set a calm tone for the day. Or, you could use Calm Noise every night before bed to signal to your brain that it’s time to wind down. Over time, your body and mind will begin to associate these sounds with relaxation, making it easier to find your calm when you need it most. 

Explore eight wind-down activities you can add to your daily routine, along with your fave sound.

4. Combine sounds with other relaxation techniques

Try playing a calming sound while doing yoga, journaling, or even taking a warm bath. These combinations can create a full sensory experience, helping you unwind on multiple levels. Listening to soothing music while practicing deep breathing, meditation, or progressive muscle relaxation helps engage your mind and body, making it easier to ease anxiety and let go of tension. 

Here are 12 relaxation ideas to try mixing with your favorite calming noises.

5. Experiment with different sounds

Everyone’s response to sound is different. What calms one person might not work for someone else, so don’t be afraid to try something new! If you’ve always listened to white noise but haven’t tried nature sounds, give it a go. If you’ve been using classical music but are suddenly finding it a bit too stimulating, check-out ambient music or binaural beats. 

💙 Try relaxing with our High Sierra Lake soundscape and see if nature sounds have the same impact for you as ambient sounds like white noise. 

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Calming sounds for anxiety FAQs

What is the most calming sound for anxiety?

There isn’t one right answer because everyone responds differently to sound. Many people find that white noise, pink noise, or nature sounds—like rain or waves—are particularly helpful for easing anxiety. It’s worth trying different options and seeing what feels right for you.

Calm Noise is a blend of different noise types designed to offer a balanced and calming sound. By mixing white, pink, brown, and green noise, it aims to provide a soothing experience that can work for a lot of people. But ultimately, the most calming sound for you is the one that helps you feel more at peace. 

How do calming sounds affect the brain and body?

Calming sounds have a gentle but real impact on both the brain and body, helping you feel more centered and less anxious. Here are a few ways that calming sounds may affect your overall wellbeing.

  • Boost mood: When you listen to relaxing sounds, your brain can release feel-good chemicals that help improve your mood and lower anxiety. 

  • Reduce stress: Relaxing sounds can reduce levels of stress hormones in your body — helping to ease the physical effects of anxiety, like muscle tension or a racing heartbeat.

  • Maintain calm: Calming sounds tend to slow down your heart rate and deepen your breathing. This physical response helps to calm the mind, creating a feedback loop where both your body and mind are helping each other relax. 

  • Relax faster: Over time, regularly listening to calming sounds can make it easier to reach a relaxed state when you need it. 

How long should I listen to calming sounds to reduce anxiety?

There’s no strict rule about how long to listen, but most people find that 10 to 20 minutes is enough to allow your mind to shift away from anxious thoughts and start to settle down. If you’re feeling particularly stressed, you might want to listen for 30 minutes to an hour to get a deeper sense of calm.

You can also play calming sounds in the background while working, resting, or even when falling asleep. Some people find it helpful to have them on throughout the night, especially if they use white or brown noise, which can mask disruptive sounds. The goal is to give yourself enough time for the sounds to have an effect without putting pressure on yourself to relax too quickly.

Can calming sounds help with sleep problems related to anxiety?

Yes, calming sounds are often used to help with sleep issues, especially when anxiety is part of the problem. 

Soothing sounds like white noise or gentle nature sounds can give your brain something steady and calm to focus on, which can make it easier to let go of racing thoughts and fall asleep.

Introducing calming sounds like Calm Noise—a blend of white, pink, brown, and green noise— into your bedtime routine can also help you relax before bed. 

Over time, your brain might start associating these sounds with sleep, making it easier to wind down and stay asleep.

What are binaural beats, and how do they help with anxiety?

Binaural beats are a type of sound therapy that involves playing two slightly different tones in each ear. When you listen with headphones, your brain picks up on the difference between the tones and creates a “beat” inside your head. This can help shift your brainwaves into different states, depending on the frequencies used. Lower frequencies tend to promote relaxation, while higher ones are more stimulating. Be sure to keep volume at a safe level when using headphones.

When it comes to anxiety, binaural beats can encourage your brain to enter a calmer, more meditative state. People often use them during meditation or as a break during the day to reduce stress. 

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Calm your mind. Change your life.

Mental health is hard. Getting support doesn't have to be. The Calm app puts the tools to feel better in your back pocket, with personalized content to manage stress and anxiety, get better sleep, and feel more present in your life. 

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Images: Getty

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Too stressed to function? Some calming noise might be just what you need. Sit back, relax, and turn on one of these 6 sounds shown to help your anxiety fade away.

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Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA

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Struggling to switch off at night? Yoga may be the answer. Discover the benefits of yoga for sleep and 8 simple ways to start your own bedtime practice.

The hours before bed can feel like a tug-of-war. You want to wind down, but your brain has other ideas. Maybe your shoulders are carrying the day’s tension, or your thoughts keep circling back to everything left undone. 

Yoga offers a gentle way to ease that tension in your body and your mind. It combines slow, intentional movement with breath awareness and mindfulness, making the shift into sleep feel a little less like a battle.

Here's what you need to know about yoga for sleep, plus some beginner-friendly tips for building an evening practice that works for you.

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What is yoga? 

Yoga is a mind-body practice that combines physical postures (called asanas), controlled breathing, and focused awareness. It originated in ancient India and has evolved over thousands of years into many different styles and traditions, from vigorous and athletic to slow and deeply restorative.

For sleep, the styles that matter most are the calmer ones, like restorative yoga, yin yoga, and gentle hatha yoga. These use slow movements, long-held poses supported by props like pillows or blankets, and a steady focus on the breath.

What sets yoga apart from stretching is the intentional connection between movement and breath. That's what makes it a mindfulness practice as much as a physical one, and a big part of why it can shape how you feel by the time you lie down at night.

Can yoga help you sleep?

Yoga can help you sleep — with some realistic expectations. The evidence is fairly consistent that it can make a real difference, particularly as a supportive practice rather than a standalone solution. 

But yoga isn't a cure for sleep disorders, and if you're dealing with chronic insomnia, it's worth speaking with a doctor about evidence-based treatments like cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia (CBT-I).

Here's what the research suggests:

  • It may lower stress hormones: Cortisol, one of the body's main stress hormones, can make it hard to wind down when levels stay elevated into the evening. Some research suggests restorative yoga may help bring those levels down, easing you toward sleep.

  • It activates your rest-and-digest system: Slow, supported movement may help shift your nervous system from its alert \"go\" mode into a calmer, more restful state. Those effects remain after the session ends, giving your body time to settle before you get into bed.

  • It improves how sleep feels: Over 55% of yoga practitioners report improved sleep, and over 85% report reduced stress. Studies have also found meaningful improvements in sleep quality, anxiety, and fatigue with consistent practice.

  • It's a support, not a solution: People with chronic insomnia tend to report sleeping better with yoga, but it works best alongside other healthy sleep habits, not as a replacement for them.

Read more: Yoga for stress relief: 6 poses to help you find your calm

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How to build a simple yoga-for-sleep routine: 8 beginner-friendly tips for better rest

You don't need to commit to a full class or clear an hour in your evening. A short, consistent practice done a few times a week is a perfectly solid place to start. Here's how to make it stick. 

1. Choose the right type of yoga

Not all yoga is sleep-friendly. Hot yoga and vinyasa styles raise your heart rate in ways that aren't ideal right before bed, similar to running on a treadmill at 10pm. For unwinding, stick to restorative yoga, yin yoga, or gentle hatha yoga. These styles use slow, held poses, supported positions, and a focus on breathing rather than effort or intensity.

If you're browsing an app or searching for videos, look specifically for \"bedtime yoga,\" \"restorative yoga,\" or \"yin yoga for sleep.\"

2. Find your ideal wind-down window

Doing your practice 30 to 90 minutes before bed tends to work better than rolling straight from your mat into bed. That window gives your nervous system time to settle into the calmer state yoga may produce, lining up nicely with the natural rise in melatonin that happens in the lead-up to sleep.

A good rule of thumb is to finish your practice, do your usual pre-sleep routine (brushing teeth, washing your face), then get into bed when you feel ready.

💙 For a full wind-down, pair yoga with Calm’s Peaceful Sleep meditation. 

3. Create a space that invites relaxation

You don't need a studio or special equipment to start. Dim the lights if you can — bright overhead lighting signals to your brain that it's still daytime, so even just switching to a lamp makes a difference. Keep it quiet, or put on some soft music or a sleep meditation if silence feels a little empty.

For props, you don't need anything fancy. Pillows, blankets, and rolled towels all do the job:

  • A yoga mat helps with grip and cushioning, but a folded blanket or carpeted floor works just as well

  • A pillow under your knees can ease low-back tension

  • A rolled blanket under your ankles helps your legs relax more fully

  • A cushion under your chest in a forward fold creates a softer, more supportive shape

The goal is for your body to feel comfortable from the start, so you can sink into relaxation naturally.

💙 For a soothing soundtrack while you practice, try The Rainy Lofi Sessions on Calm.

4. Start with just 5–10 minutes

Rather than diving into an ambitious 45-minute practice that collapses by day three, start with one or two poses. Even 5–10 minutes a few nights a week is a strong foundation. 

Building gradually over a few weeks is more sustainable than going all-in right away. Consistency matters more than duration.

If you only have a few minutes, focus on one grounding pose—like legs-up-the-wall or supported child’s pose—and pair it with a short breathing pattern.

💙 Start with five minutes of mindful movement with Calm’s Grounding Daily Move session. 

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5. Let your breath guide you

Breathing is one of the most  powerful parts of yoga practice. The aim is to keep your attention on your breath, let thoughts drift away, and be present in the moment. 

If your mind wanders (and it will), that’s completely normal. Just notice it and come back to your breath. This is essentially mindfulness meditation in motion, and the same gentle, non-judgmental approach applies.

Try: Ujjayi breath, sometimes called Ocean Breath. Inhale deeply through the nose, then exhale slowly through the nose while lightly constricting the back of the throat, creating a soft, wave-like sound. Once you find it, it's a naturally calming rhythm that anchors your attention and slows everything down.

💙 Struggling to connect to your breath? Try SOS Breath Work for a quick breathing practice.

6. Pick poses that help your body unwind

You don't need a long sequence to feel the difference. A handful of poses practiced regularly can be enough to shift your body into rest mode. Here are some good options to start with:

  • Child's pose (balasana): Kneel on the floor, bring your big toes together, and lower your torso between your knees, extending your arms forward or alongside your body. Hold for one to three minutes.

  • Legs up the wall (viparita karani): Lie on your back with your legs resting against a wall so your body makes an \"L\" shape, arms relaxed at your sides. It’s one of the most passive and immediately calming poses you can do.

  • Reclined butterfly (supta baddha konasana): Lie on your back, press the soles of your feet together, and let your knees fall open to the sides. Let your arms rest wherever feels comfortable, at your sides or above your head. 

  • Supine spinal twist: Lying on your back, draw one knee to your chest and guide it gently across your body while keeping both shoulders on the floor. Hold for a minute on each side.

  • Corpse pose (savasana): Lie flat on your back, arms and legs straight, palms open and facing up, and let your ankles roll outward. The goal is complete relaxation from head to toe. This is often the final pose in any yoga sequence, and for good reason.

Read more: Bedtime yoga: these 5 poses will help you sleep better

7. Pair yoga with a consistent sleep schedule

Yoga works best as part of a broader approach to more restful sleep. The single most evidence-supported sleep behavior change is maintaining the same wake time every morning, including weekends, within about a 30-minute window. Yoga works well with this habit, rather than replacing it.

If you deal with sleep anxiety or a restless mind regularly, a short mindfulness meditation practice might be a helpful addition. Even five minutes of a body scan or breathing exercise before bed can deepen the physical relaxation your practice has already started.

💙 After your practice, let Matthew McConaughey's Sleep Story, Wonder, guide you the rest of the way.

8. Check in with your body before and after

Before you start, take a moment to notice where you're holding tension or feeling restless. That awareness can help you choose poses that actually suit how you feel tonight, rather than running through a sequence on autopilot.

After your routine, stay still for a few breaths and notice any small shifts, like a little more warmth, a sense of heaviness, or breathing that feels just slightly slower than before. You don't need a dramatic transformation. Small changes are worth noticing, and noticing them is part of what makes the habit stick.

💙 Tune into your body’s sensations with a short Body Scan on the Calm app.

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Yoga for sleep FAQs

Should I do yoga before bed?

Gentle yoga before bed can be a helpful part of a wind-down routine. The key is choosing the right style — slow, restorative poses rather than vigorous flows. Evening sessions may help you release the stress and tension that accumulates throughout the day and prepare your body for more restful sleep.

Which type of yoga is best for sleeping?

Restorative yoga, yin yoga, and gentle hatha yoga are the most sleep-friendly styles. These approaches focus on slow, controlled movements, deep breathing, and long-held stretches that promote deeper relaxation. Avoid vigorous styles like vinyasa or hot yoga in the hours before bed.

Related read: 10 different types of yoga practices (and their benefits for mind and body)

Which yoga poses are best for sleep?

A few beginner-friendly poses are shown to consistently support relaxation:

  • Supported child’s pose helps release the back and shoulders.

  • Legs-up-the-wall encourages blood flow to settle and creates a grounding feeling.

  • Seated forward fold lengthens the spine and quiets the nervous system.

  • Supine twist softens the lower back and eases digestion.

  • Reclined bound-angle pose (with pillows under the knees) opens the hips gently.

Choose the poses your body naturally settles into. Comfort matters more than form.

Do I need to be flexible to do yoga for sleep?

You don’t need to be flexible to do yoga, especially when it comes to the restorative styles that work best for sleep. 

Most sleep-focused poses are done lying down or sitting, and you can use pillows, folded blankets, or books as props to make any pose more comfortable. If a pose feels like a stretch too far, go only as far as feels good and use a prop to support you. Never force a pose.

How long should a beginner’s nighttime yoga session be?

If you’re a beginner to nighttime yoga, start with whatever feels manageable. Even 10 minutes and a couple of poses is a meaningful start. Work up to 20 or 30 minutes when it feels right, and you’ll likely notice the difference consistency makes. The goal is building a habit, rather than logging time.

Can yoga in the evening help with insomnia?

Yoga in the evening may help with mild to moderate sleep difficulties, particularly those driven by stress or tension. Research on yoga for chronic insomnia suggests improvements in how people experience their sleep, including reductions in anxiety, fatigue, and nighttime disturbances. 

That said, yoga isn't a clinical treatment for insomnia. If you're dealing with persistent sleep problems, it's worth speaking to a doctor or therapist about CBT-I, which has the strongest evidence base.

Read more: Insomnia: what causes it, symptoms & how to prevent insomnia

Is restorative yoga good for sleep quality?

Restorative yoga is one of the most sleep-supportive styles. Its passive, supported poses help take physical effort out of the equation, making it easier for your nervous system to downshift. 

The supported nature of restorative practice is part of what makes it so effective. Active effort can keep your body's alert state switched on even during gentle movement, and restorative yoga is designed to work around that. 

Do I need a yoga mat to try yoga for sleep?

You don’t need a yoga mat to try yoga for sleep. A folded towel, a blanket, or a carpeted floor works fine, especially for the lying-down poses that make up most sleep-focused yoga sequences. A mat helps with grip if you're doing standing poses, but for bedtime yoga, it's very much optional. A few extra pillows will serve you better.

What if a yoga pose makes me feel restless instead of calm?

If a yoga pose makes you feel restless instead of calm, that’s useful information. Some poses simply don't suit everybody, and that's completely fine. 

If a pose feels activating or uncomfortable, come out of it slowly and try a different one. Legs up the wall and corpse pose tend to be the most universally calming. If you're feeling restless throughout your practice, it's worth checking the style. Even a moderately energetic yoga video can be too stimulating before bed. When in doubt, go slower and more supported.

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Calm your mind. Change your life.

Mental health is hard. Getting support doesn't have to be. The Calm app puts the tools to feel better in your back pocket, with personalized content to manage stress and anxiety, get better sleep, and feel more present in your life. 

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Images: Getty

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Struggling to switch off at night? Yoga may be the answer. Discover the benefits of yoga for sleep and 8 simple ways to start your own bedtime practice.

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Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA

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Most struggling employees don’t lack talent, they lack support. Here’s what performance support looks like, why it matters, and how to bring it into your workplace.

You walk into work thinking you know exactly how to do your job, yet still find yourself frozen when the process changes, a new system rolls out, or an unusual task falls on your plate. This isn’t a lack of skill — it’s a lack of support. 

That gap between what you learned and what you’re expected to do right now is where a lot of workplace stress quietly builds. Rather than ask for help and risk looking incompetent, people muddle through, mistakes happen, and confidence takes a hit.

Performance support is designed to close that gap. It's the kind of targeted, on-the-spot guidance that meets you where you are, not where a training schedule assumes you'll be. Here’s what it looks like, why it matters, and how to start building it in your workplace.

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What is performance support? 

Imagine having a knowledgeable colleague by your side at all times, ready to answer any question you have. That’s the idea behind performance support. It’s the tools, resources, and systems designed to give you on-demand assistance, guidance, and information when you need it. 

Performance support can include reference guides, short how-to videos, digital checklists, searchable knowledge bases, or a mentor a few desks away. It's often called \"workflow learning\" or \"just-in-time support,\" since employees get what they need while they're doing the work.

These resources aren’t meant to replace expertise or eliminate training. Think of them as the bridge between what people already know and what they need to recall under pressure — a practical reinforcement that shows up right when it's needed.

Performance support vs training: what’s the difference?

If you’ve ever sat through a training session and then struggled to remember any of it three weeks later when you needed it, you’re not alone. That’s the gap performance support is built to fill. 

Training builds foundational knowledge before you apply it. It's structured, time-bound, and focused on the why behind processes. Performance support kicks in later, when it’s time to put what you learned into practice.

Relying on training alone puts a lot of pressure on memory, which isn’t always reliable when you’re under pressure or the situation doesn’t look like the training example. Performance support brings the right guidance to the moment you need it most 

💙 If your head is spinning after a long training session, try a Box Breathing reset on Calm before diving back in.

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Why does performance support matter in the workplace?

The case for performance support goes beyond efficiency. When it’s woven into the workday, it changes how confident, capable, and supported people feel. 

Less mental overload: Clear guidance during a task frees up your mental energy for sound judgment and problem-solving, instead of burning it on trying to remember every step.

Fewer errors, less rework: When help is hard to find, people make do — and that's often where mistakes creep in. Accessible support means fewer wrong calls and less time spent fixing them after the fact.

Builds confidence when it counts: When you know support is there if you need it, you’re less likely to second-guess every decision, and more likely to feel confident tackling complex work.

Smoother onboarding and role changes: When you’re new to a role or navigating a big change, built-in guidance helps you find your footing without getting buried in information all at once.

Normalizes asking for help: Research suggests that as workplace stress increases, productivity decreases. When support is easy to reach, work feels more manageable and asking for help stops feeling like a weakness.

Related read: Mindfulness at work: Cultivating calm and clarity in the workplace

6 types of performance support (and how to ask for them)

Performance support shows up in more forms than you might expect. Some of it’s formal and structured, while some of it is as simple as a sticky note on a monitor. Start with one that fits your situation, and try asking for it using the prompts below:

1. Job aids and quick reference guides

Job aids are one of the most common forms of performance support. They typically focus on one specific task, such as checklists or step-by-step guides. They're designed to be scanned quickly, not read cover to cover.

How to ask for it: \"Could we put together a one-page checklist for this process? I keep second-guessing myself halfway through.\"

💙 If the chaos of the day keeps pulling you off track, try Jay Shetty's Staying on Track session on Calm.

2. Knowledge bases and searchable resource hubs

A good knowledge base can be updated easily, so you’re always working from the most current information. Having one reliable place to search saves time and removes the stress of wondering whether what you found is still accurate.  

How to ask for it: \"Is there a central place where this information lives? If not, could we build one?\"

💙 Feeling the pressure of a mounting workload? The Work Stress meditation on Calm offers a simple technique to take the edge off.

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3. Video tutorials and walkthroughs

Some tasks are easier to show than to explain. A short video walkthrough can do in two minutes what a written guide takes 10, especially for software, tools, or anything physical. 

How to ask for it: \"Would it be possible to record a quick walkthrough of this? I think the team would reference it a lot.\"

4. Peer mentoring and coaching

Sometimes the best performance support is a go-to person. A colleague who's done the task before, a buddy during onboarding, or a manager who checks in during a tricky project can make all the difference.

How to ask for it: \"Would you be open to being my point of contact while I'm learning this? Even a 10-minute chat when I get stuck would help.\"

💙 Open to finding teachers in unexpected places? Explore Reverse Mentorships with Jay Shetty to rethink where your best guidance might come from.

5. In-app guidance and tooltips

Many software platforms now have built-in help features, guided walkthroughs, or tooltips that appear exactly when you need them. They may help shorten learning curves and reduce the back-and-forth of figuring things out on your own. 

How to ask for it: \"Does this tool have a help feature or guided walkthroughs we haven't turned on?\"

6. Feedback and regular check-ins

Consistent, informal feedback is a form of performance support that often goes unrecognized. Knowing where you stand, what's working, and what to adjust gives you the chance to course-correct before small issues become big ones.

How to ask for it: \"Could we do a quick monthly check-in? I'd find it helpful to know if I'm on track.\"

💙 If your intentions keep getting derailed by the noise of the day, try Calm’s Refocusing meditation to anchor into the moment.

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6 ways leaders can build performance support 

If you’re in a leadership or HR role, you already know that performance issues are rarely simple. More often than not, people are missing the right support at the right moment. These tips can help you build that support intentionally, so it becomes part of how your team works: 

1. Start with where work keeps breaking down

Focus on tasks that regularly cause confusion, delays, rework, or repeated questions. These problem areas often appear during team handoffs, unusual situations, or high-risk procedures.

Where do errors cluster? What questions keep coming up? Those patterns are worth paying attention to. If submissions are often incomplete, a short checklist at the point of submission may work better than more training. 

2. Observe how work actually gets done

Written processes rarely show the full picture. Ask your team to walk through a recent task step by step and explain how they handled it.

Notice where they pause, double-check information, or rely on personal notes to keep track of details. Those moments are signals. They usually point to something specific that can be fixed with a clear guide, better handoff notes, or a prompt built into the system.

3. Build for real conditions, not ideal ones

Performance support is most effective when it's quick, direct, and easy to use. Long documents and hard-to-find instructions won't help anyone under deadline pressure.

Think about the context in which the tool will be used. A one-page checklist posted near where the task happens, or a decision guide linked inside the system someone is already working in, is almost always more effective than a thorough document filed elsewhere.

4. Weave support into existing workflows

Employees are more likely to use support when it appears inside the tools and routines they already use. If guidance lives in a separate folder or platform, it's easy to ignore, even when people genuinely want to do things right.

Add prompts inside software systems, link guides directly in templates, or work through checklists during regular meetings. When support is woven into the workflow, it becomes part of how work gets done.

5. Use the support tools yourself

When you use checklists, reference guides, or decision tools openly, it signals to your team that support is normal and expected.

Language matters here. Framing these tools as standard practice rather than fixes for mistakes shifts how people think about reaching for them. 

💙 For leaders navigating a high-pressure team environment, check out Calm’s Stress and Burnout Support series.   

6. Keep reviewing and improving

Performance support only works if it stays current. As work changes, support systems should change with it — and that only happens if someone is checking.

Set time aside to ask which tools are being used, where confusion still exists, and what may need updating. Simple questions like \"What part of this task still feels unclear?\" will often surface more useful insights than a formal review. Small adjustments over time keep support practical and worth reaching for.

Related read: What is mindful leadership? 10 ways to lead with mindfulness 

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Performance support FAQs

What is a performance support system in a workplace setting?

A performance support system is the collection of tools, resources, and processes that help employees do their jobs well in the moment, without having to stop work and search for answers. It can include job aids, knowledge bases, videos, peer mentors, and coaching — structured so that support is easy to access when it's needed. 

The key word is system. It works best when the pieces are organized and consistent, not scattered across different platforms or locked in someone's inbox.

How does performance support benefit employees?

Performance support reduces the time employees spend searching for information, helps them complete tasks more accurately, and boosts confidence because they know support is available when they need it. 

Knowing support is available changes how people approach difficult tasks. They're more likely to move forward, make a decision, and adjust as they go, rather than to stall.

Related read: How to deal with work anxiety: causes & symptoms

What are the different types of performance support?

The most common types of performance support include job aids and checklists, searchable knowledge bases, short tutorial videos, peer mentoring, in-app guidance, and regular feedback or check-ins. The right support depends on the role, the tasks involved, and how the team works. 

A field-based team might need mobile-friendly quick-reference cards. A team learning new software might need short walkthroughs they can pause and rewind. Format should follow function.

What are some examples of performance support tools?

Examples of performance support tools include step-by-step process guides, how-to videos, searchable internal wikis, software tooltips or in-app walkthroughs, onboarding buddy systems, and quick-reference cards for recurring tasks. 

Some of the most effective ones are also the simplest, like a laminated checklist near a piece of equipment, a pinned message in a team channel, or a shared doc with clear headings that anyone can search in under 30 seconds.

Does performance support help reduce work stress?

Performance support can help reduce work stress by reducing uncertainty — not knowing how to do something, worrying about getting it wrong, or feeling unsupported. Research suggests that when people feel clear on their role and capable of handling their responsibilities, stress tends to decrease. 

Performance support delivers that clarity in a practical way, and it shifts something culturally too. When support is built into the environment, employees are less likely to feel that struggling quietly is the only professional option.

Related read: How to manage stress at work: 6 tips to relieve the pressure

How can I offer performance support if I’m in a leadership role?

If you want to offer performance support, start by asking your team where they get stuck and what information is hard to find. Then work with them to create simple, accessible resources that address those gaps. 

When you provide that kind of support, you’re not just helping people do their jobs better. Research suggests it can also reduce the negative effects of work stress. Performance support sends a clear message that doing good work is a shared responsibility, not something people are expected to figure out entirely on their own.

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Calm your mind. Change your life.

Mental health is hard. Getting support doesn't have to be. The Calm app puts the tools to feel better in your back pocket, with personalized content to manage stress and anxiety, get better sleep, and feel more present in your life. 

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Images: Getty

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Most struggling employees don’t lack talent, they lack support. Here’s what performance support looks like, why it matters, and how to bring it into your workplace.

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Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA

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Looking for music that makes meditation even more effective? These 7 types of music for meditation can help you relieve stress, reduce anxiety, and sleep more deeply. 

If you’ve ever sat down to meditate and found your brain doing jumping jacks, you’re not alone. A lot of people try meditating in silence and end up feeling distracted, restless, or just plain bored. That’s one reason so many turn to music: It gives the mind something soft to hold onto while you try to settle.

Of course, finding the right type of music for your practice is critical. Whether you’re trying to sleep, manage anxiety, or ease into a few mindful minutes between meetings, the right song (or sounds) can help you get there faster.

We’ll walk you through the different types of music that people use in meditation—from ambient soundscapes to 432 Hz tuning—and offers practical suggestions for what to try based on your needs.

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Why do people use music for meditation?

Meditation doesn’t have to happen in silence. For many people, music makes it easier to focus and relax, especially on the days when your brain won’t stop buzzing.

Here’s why music works for so many people:

1. It can help reduce resistance: Some people love silence. Others find it intimidating, especially if they’re overwhelmed or mentally exhausted. Music creates a softer entry point. You’re still meditating, but the experience feels more forgiving.

2. It can lower the pressure to “do it right”: If you’ve ever felt like you’re failing at meditation because your thoughts won’t stop, adding music can shift the vibe. It makes the practice more approachable—even enjoyable—so you’re more likely to come back to it.

3. It can provide emotional support without requiring attention: Calm music can hold space for what you’re feeling without overwhelming you. It can meet you where you are and still offer a steady place to land.

4. It can make the experience feel less isolated: Meditating in silence can sometimes feel lonely or empty. Music adds a sense of presence — a subtle reminder that you’re not just sitting in a void. This can be especially helpful for people working through grief, anxiety, or burnout.

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Why do different sounds help with sleep, stress, and anxiety?

Sound doesn’t just fill the air, it shapes how your body feels. Certain types of music and soundscapes can help ease stress, reduce anxiety, and support better sleep by working with your nervous system.

When you listen to slow, steady music—especially tones with low frequencies or minimal changes—your brain starts to mirror those patterns. This process, called entrainment, can help shift your brainwaves into more relaxed states. Think: alpha for calm focus, theta for meditation, delta for deep sleep. At the same time, your heart rate slows, your breathing deepens, and your muscles start to let go.

Different sounds serve different purposes. Nature sounds can lower cortisol levels and help the body feel safe. Binaural beats may promote deeper rest by syncing brain activity. Music tuned to 432 Hz may feel especially grounding or emotionally soothing. Even subtle, breath-paced soundscapes can guide your body into a slower rhythm without you needing to consciously “do” anything.

Pay attention to what sounds help you breathe easier, feel safer, or rest more deeply. That’s your signal that they’re working.

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7 types of meditation music (and when to use them)

The best music for meditation depends on what you’re meditating for. Some people want help falling asleep. Others want to reduce anxiety, improve focus, or simply take a break. Below are several types of music that people commonly use in their meditation practice, along with tips on when and how to use each one.

1. Ambient music for mindfulness meditation and breathwork

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This is one of the most popular categories for a reason. Ambient music is spacious, slow, and often has no clear rhythm or melody — just smooth, atmospheric sound. It helps quiet the thinking brain.

  • When to use it: During mindfulness practice, body scans, breathwork, or when you need a neutral background that won’t compete with your thoughts

  • What to look for: Think long tracks without sudden changes, no lyrics, and minimal highs and lows.

💙 Turn on Winter Flower (Calm Mix) in the Calm app to slow your racing thoughts.

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2. Music tuned to 432 Hz for calming and grounding meditation

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People love this tuning—slightly lower than the standard 440 Hz—for its calming, grounding qualities. While scientific backing is limited, many people say it feels more “in tune” with the body or the natural world.

  • When to use it: When you’re feeling emotionally overstimulated, energetically off, or looking for a softer listening experience

  • What to look for: Search for “432 Hz meditation” or “432 Hz ambient” playlists, which should have slow, gentle tracks with a floaty, healing vibe.

💙 432 Hz for Sleep is a collection of soothing songs on the Calm app designed to help you drift off.

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3. Binaural beats for meditation, focus, and sleep

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These tracks play slightly different frequencies in each ear to create a “beat” your brain syncs to, encouraging alpha (relaxed), theta (meditative), or delta (sleep) brainwave states.

  • When to use it: During focus meditations, stress relief sessions, or to ease into sleep

  • How to listen: Headphones are required for the beat effect. Start with 5–10 minutes and notice how your body responds. Look for playlists with titles like “theta wave meditation” or “delta binaural beats for sleep.”

💙 Calm’s Binaural Beats & Theta Waves playlist can soothe your mind and help you relax.

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4.  Instrumental music for visualization and emotional meditation

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Not all instrumental music is distracting. Some piano, string, or ambient guitar tracks can feel emotionally supportive without hijacking your attention. Even some film soundtracks can work if you choose the right parts.

  • When to use it: During visualization, journaling, or emotionally supportive meditations. 

  • What to look for: Gentle piano, lo-fi strings, or minimalist acoustic playlists are great for meditation. Avoid big emotional builds, abrupt changes, or dramatic tension.

💙 Pop on the Classical for Easing Stress playlist in the Calm app for calming background sound.

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5. Nature sounds for meditation when anxious or preparing for sleep

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Water, birdsong, rain, wind — these sounds don’t just feel peaceful, they’ve been shown to help lower cortisol levels, potentially supporting parasympathetic activation. Some people also find them emotionally grounding, especially if they feel disconnected from the world or overstimulated by tech.

  • When to use it: When you’re anxious, can’t sleep, or feel mentally frayed

  • How to use it: Choose a soundscape that matches your mood and needs: rain for when you’re sad, ocean waves for when you need clarity, and forest sounds for when you’re seeking more calm. 

💙 Rain on Leaves, one of Calm’s most popular soundscapes, can set the mood for a slow, quiet meditation.

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6. Breath-paced soundscapes for nervous system regulation meditation

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These tracks are designed to help your breath slow down by providing a subtle rhythm you can follow. You’re not matching beats like a workout — just gently syncing your breath to a relaxing pace.

  • When to use it: For nervous system regulation, breathwork, or transitioning from a stressful state into calm

  • Try this technique:

  1. Hit play on a slow track (something around 60 bpm or lower).

  2. Inhale as the volume gently swells, exhale as it fades.

  3. Repeat for 3–5 minutes or longer if helpful.

💙 Sync your breath with sound during the Sleep Rhythm: Rising and Falling meditation in the Calm app.

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7. Gentle electronic music for concentration and walking meditation

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Lo-fi and soft electronic tracks can work well for people who find silence stressful but don’t want emotional intensity. The light rhythm and repetition can be soothing without stealing your attention.

  • When to use it: For concentration, walking meditation, or a quiet moment in a busy environment

  • What to try: Playlists labeled “lo-fi chill,” “meditative downtempo,” or “focus ambient” all work well. Avoid anything with sudden samples, lyrics, or bass drops.

💙 Trying to work or study? Turn on Calm’s Study Lo-Fi tracks.

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Music for meditation FAQs

What music is best for meditation if I’m just starting?

If you’re just starting meditation, try ambient or soft instrumental music — nothing with lyrics or big emotional shifts. The goal is to create a calm, steady background that helps your mind settle. 

Look for playlists labeled “ambient meditation,” “432 Hz,” or “soft instrumental.” These are slow and simple enough to support your focus without grabbing your attention.

What’s the most relaxing sound to fall asleep to?

The most relaxing sleep sounds are soft, steady, and don’t change too much. Rain, ocean waves, or gentle wind are common favorites. Others prefer ambient music or slow 432 Hz tracks with no strong rhythm or melody. 

If your mind won’t quiet down at night, these sounds can help ease you into sleep. Try using a long, looped track—at least 30 minutes—so it doesn’t stop suddenly and wake you up.

Is it better to meditate in silence or with music?

There’s no one right way to meditate. Some people feel calm in silence, while others find it too intense. Music can give your mind something steady to focus on, especially if you’re anxious, tired, or new to meditation. 

You can also switch it up — use music when your mind is busy, and silence when you feel more grounded. What matters most is choosing something that helps you stay with the practice.

What are the best meditation songs if lyrics feel distracting?

If lyrics feel distracting during meditation, instrumental and choral music tend to work well — pieces with a clear melody and structure, rather than pure ambient sound.

Here are some options to try:

  • Choral music, which offers vocal harmonies that feel musical without pulling your attention toward words

  • Classical piano pieces like Satie's Gymnopédies or Debussy's Clair de Lune

  • Acoustic guitar or minimal string arrangements

  • Lo-fi instrumental tracks with a recognizable melody but no vocals

The idea is to give your mind something to follow musically without having to process language or narrative at the same time.

What are some good 432 hz music options for meditation?

You can find plenty of options on Calm and most streaming platforms by searching terms like “432 Hz healing,” “432 Hz meditation music,” or “432 Hz sleep music.” These tracks are often slow and ambient — soft synths, drones, or gentle instrumentals designed to feel calming. 

 Is electronic music good for meditation?

Electronic music can be good for meditation. Gentle lo-fi, ambient electronic, and meditative downtempo tracks can work well, especially for people who find silence uncomfortable or distracting.

The main thing to watch for is stimulation level. Tracks with heavy bass drops, sharp transitions, or attention-grabbing vocals tend to pull the mind along rather than letting it settle. Soft, repetitive, and relatively low-key electronic music does the opposite. It gives the mind something steady to rest on without demanding much from it.

For deeper rest or sleep, slower soundscapes tend to work better than anything with a strong beat or energetic build.

What meditation music helps with anxiety the most?

Music that eases anxiety is usually slow, steady, and emotionally neutral. Ambient sounds, soft instrumentals, and some 432 Hz tracks can help calm your mind without demanding focus. Binaural beats—especially alpha or theta wave tracks—can also support relaxation when used with headphones. Since anxiety can change day to day, you might need to try a few options. 

If a track feels too intense, swap it for something simpler, like rain or forest sounds.

What meditation music works best for sleep?

For sleep, music should feel like soft background noise — there, but not attention-grabbing. Slow ambient tracks, nature sounds (like rain or ocean waves), or 432 Hz loops work well. Choose music without drums, vocals, or sudden changes. A track that plays all night or fades out gently so it doesn’t wake you up is ideal.

Is it okay if my music has some light rhythm or melody?

Absolutely. Light rhythm or soft melody can work well if it helps you relax and stay present. Everyone’s different — some find rhythm calming, others find it distracting. 

The key is choosing music that feels supportive, not overstimulating. A gentle guitar loop or soft piano line can create a peaceful atmosphere without needing complete silence.

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Calm your mind. Change your life.

Mental health is hard. Getting support doesn't have to be. The Calm app puts the tools to feel better in your back pocket, with personalized content to manage stress and anxiety, get better sleep, and feel more present in your life. 

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Images: Getty

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Looking for music that makes meditation even more effective? These 7 types of music for meditation can help you relieve stress, reduce anxiety, and sleep more deeply.

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Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA

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Enhance your bedtime routine with our top picks for music that helps you sleep, create the perfect relaxing playlist, and learn the benefits of soothing music.

Not being able to fall asleep when you need rest is a frustrating experience that can leave you feeling groggy and unproductive the next day. But the solution to your sleep woes may be as simple as pressing play.

Music has long been recognized for its ability to soothe the mind and calm the body. From the lullabies we sing to babies to relaxing playlists designed for meditation, music can transport us into a state of tranquility, making it a perfect sleep companion. 

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Listening to music doesn't just feel good, it's good for you. Studies have shown that music can help reduce anxiety, lower heart rate, boost the immune system, and improve mood and memory. It's a simple and enjoyable way to promote overall wellbeing and can be particularly effective for improving sleep.

The benefits of music on wellbeing

Music can stir powerful emotions, evoke vivid memories, and even influence our heart rate and stress levels. And it has an equally impactful effect on the mind and body when it comes to sleep.

The right sounds can help us unwind, distract our minds from the day's worries, and set the stage for a restful sleep. Beyond just creating a relaxing vibe, music can offer these sleep-enhancing benefits:

  • Music can improve sleep quality: Studies have shown that listening to calming music at bedtime can help reduce sleep latency (the time it takes to fall asleep), increase sleep duration, and improve sleep quality. The key is in the tempo and rhythm of the music. Slow, steady rhythms can help slow down our breathing and heart rate, signaling to our body that it's time for rest. 

  • Music can enhance energy levels: Soothing melodies increase time spent in restorative slow-wave and REM sleep stages. This enhances energy and function. 

  • Music can lessen anxiety and stress: Music may also activate the parasympathetic nervous system, lowering blood pressure, heart rate, and anxiety-provoking stress hormones like cortisol. Slow instrumentals can provide a positive distraction from circular worrying thoughts that keep you mentally wired. 

  • Music can reduce insomnia: Music's relaxation effects can make it easier for those with insomnia to fall asleep faster and sleep longer. Fewer disruptive awakenings help you spend more time in deep, restorative sleep rather than light sleep.

  • Music is enjoyable: The anticipatory enjoyment of favorite, pleasurable songs can trigger happy memories and emotions to combat restlessness.

7 best types of sleep music to help you sleep

The genre and composition of music you use for sleep play a crucial role. For instance, music with a consistent volume and slow-building melodies can be more conducive to sleep than music with sudden volume changes or complex, fast-paced tunes. Those kinds of sounds are jarring and can wake you up just as you’re falling asleep, which isn’t ideal.

So, what's the best music to fall asleep to? Here are some genres known for their calming and sleep-inducing qualities.

1. Instrumental music

Instrumental music without lyrics can be incredibly soothing. Think gentle piano pieces or the soft strumming of an acoustic guitar.

💙Lunar Lullaby and Calm Covers 90s Pop are great examples of instrumental music that can help you drift off. For something a bit different, let your mind drift out to sea with Sleep Shanties.

Peaceful, lyric-free, emotional solo piano compositions align musical elements like rhythm, melody, and tempo to patterns that entrain brain waves for sleep.

💙Some of our favorite composers in this genre include Jacob Collier, Natalie Holmes, Fougère, and Jeremiah Fraites.

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2. Classical music

Classical music's steady tempo and natural ebb and flow closely mimic our restful sleep patterns. Familiar orchestral pieces also lightly engage the mind to distract circular thoughts. 

Try peaceful composers like Chopin, Satie, Mozart, or Debussy. Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata and Mozart's Piano Concerto No.2 have been found to successfully induce sleep in various studies.

💙 Our classical playlist features a thoughtfully selected mix of classical piano-led arrangements, enriched with the lush harmonies of an orchestra to help you unwind and relax.

3. Ambient music

Characterized by its atmospheric, textured soundscapes, ambient music can create a sense of calm and space, helping to quiet the mind to prepare for sleep. Gently Back to Sleep can work wonders for any nighttime wake-ups.

💙 Or try out some other ambient compositions as part of your nighttime routine with Getting Ready For Sleep. 

4. Chill-out music

As the name suggests, chill-out music is designed to help you relax. It often features slow tempos, soft melodies, and smooth beats that can ease you into sleep. Genres like downtempo or trip-hop fall into this category. For a more relaxed lofi vibe before bed, try Infinite Lofi.

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Soothing jazz music in subdued tempos can relax the mind and bring on sleepiness. Try soft jazz standards, cool jazz, and modal jazz styles. Some popular jazz artists include Miles Davis, Chet Baker, Bill Evans, and Duke Ellington. Once again, lyrics can be stimulating, so opt for instrumentals.

5. Meditation music

Often used to aid in relaxation and mindfulness practices, meditation music can also be an excellent tool for sleep. This genre typically features long, slow, repetitive melodies designed to help you focus and relax. 

💙 Calm has curated a special list of Sleep Story Melodies featuring the calming soundtracks to our Sleep Stories.

💙 Or for something you might be less familiar with, check out This is a Mindfulness Drill by Emily A Sprague.

6. New age music

Serene, primarily instrumental, new age music often incorporates nature sounds like ocean waves, rainfall, or bird songs to further boost relaxation. 

💙 Explore peaceful new age composers like, Laraaji, Devendra Barnhart and Noah Georgeson, or Harlan Silverman to enhance your wind down.

7. Music with Solfeggio frequencies

Solfeggio frequencies are a set of musical tones that were used in ancient chants and are believed to have a calming effect on the mind and body. When it comes to sleep, these frequencies can be helpful because our brain waves naturally sync with the rhythm of the sounds we're hearing. 

So, when we listen to music containing these Solfeggio frequencies, our brainwaves can align, promoting relaxation and sleep. It's like tuning your brain to the frequency of relaxation, which can help you drift off to sleep more easily.

The 432 Hz frequency is often referred to as the \"harmonic intonation of nature.\" Scientific studies suggest that 432 Hz music may help to slow the heart rate and reduce stress, facilitating a deeper and more restful sleep. 

💙 Try our 432 Hz Solo Piano collection to experience the benefits of Solfeggio frequencies.

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How to choose music for sleeping and build a bedtime playlist

Consider these tips when curating your own sleep-inducing playlist, and make music part of your relaxing sleep environment.

  1. Prioritize instrumentals or songs in foreign languages to avoid stimulation from lyrics.

  2. Choose tracks with slower tempos, around 60-80 beats per minute, to sync with your resting heart rate. If you don’t know how to calculate this, use your best judgment to find music that feels slow and relaxing to you.

  3. Incorporate natural sounds like soft rain, ocean waves, or crickets to trigger relaxation. We love Cello in the Rain with Nick Squires.

  4. Avoid abrupt changes in volume, songs that abruptly end, or sudden upticks in rhythm.

  5. Stick to music you enjoy. Unpredictable playlists can disrupt sleep. Ditto to any music that annoys you, or makes you feel stressed.

  6. Listen at a low but audible,consistent volume - too loud or variable can disrupt sleep.

  7. Download playlists for offline listening to prevent network interruptions.

  8. Re-evaluate often to optimize the mix and remove tracks that don't have the desired effect. Your preferences will evolve over time, calling for fresh sounds. Stay open to trying new artists and genres.

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Sleep better with Calm

Easily incorporate the power of sound into your bedtime routine for better sleep with Calm including:

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Music for different sleep needs

If you’re dealing with a particular sleep issue, consider customizing your playlist to address your unique needs:

Sleep music for insomnia 

Focus on gentle, minimalist music such as solo piano pieces, light jazz, or ambient tunes. Choose tracks that slowly fade out to gently guide you into sleep.

Sleep music for anxiety 

Consider meditative, lyric-free new age music, calming nature sounds, or slower classical pieces. These can help to soothe worries and create a peaceful mindset.

Sleep music for racing thoughts 

Music without vocals, featuring steady but subtle electronic beats and repetitive melodies, can help to quiet a busy mind and prevent overthinking. 

Sleep music for restlessness 

Heavier orchestral classics or acoustic songs with familiar melodies can engage your mind just enough to ease restlessness and promote sleep.

Sleep music for when you keep waking up early

Select music that gradually increases in volume, tempo, or intensity, creating a sleep-friendly atmosphere that persists until morning.

Sleep music for poor quality sleep

A diverse mix of sounds, tones, and music genres can help to stimulate your brainwaves, encouraging deep and restorative sleep.

Remember, the goal is to create a playlist that feels soothing and enjoyable to you. Experiment and adjust your selections as needed until you find the perfect sleep soundtrack.

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Calm your mind. Change your life.

Mental health is hard. Getting support doesn't have to be. The Calm app puts the tools to feel better in your back pocket, with personalized content to manage stress and anxiety, get better sleep, and feel more present in your life. 

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Images: Getty

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","excerpt":"

Enhance your bedtime routine with our top picks for music that helps you sleep, create the perfect relaxing playlist, and learn the benefits of soothing music.

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Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA

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Whether your mind won't settle, you lose focus, or your body is uncomfortable, these 9 meditation tips can help you navigate common struggles that come up during practice.

You’re sitting quietly, trying to meditate, and your grocery list pops up out of nowhere. Then a memory from 2015. Then a worry about an email you haven’t sent. You’re three minutes in and already convinced you’re doing it wrong.

You’re not. Mind-wandering during meditation is so common that researchers study it as a feature of the practice. A session where your attention drifts and you gently return—even 20 times over—is doing exactly what mindfulness is designed to do. The wandering is part of the work.

Still, it can feel frustrating to sit there while your brain pinballs through unfinished business. These tips are here for those moments. Think of them as practical, in-the-moment tools for when your practice feels like it’s falling apart. 

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9 meditation tips for when your practice feels hard

Distraction, restlessness, self-doubt — all of it is normal, and none of it means the session is a failure. These tips work best when you pick one that feels right for where you are today, rather than trying to work through all of them at once.

1. Let distraction be part of your practice

When your mind wanders during meditation, that’s when the actual training happens. Every time you notice you've drifted and bring your attention back, you're doing exactly what the practice asks of you. 

Try: When you catch yourself mid-thought, take one slow breath and bring your attention back. No judgment about how long you were gone — just come back.

💙 Turn your distractions into teachers with Hey Distractions, Let's Party from the Daily Trip on Calm.

2. Try a physical anchor when needed

The breath is the default anchor for good reason. But if your breath feels too subtle to track when you're especially distracted or anxious, try swapping it out for something you can feel more easily. Physical sensation anchors can be easier to hold onto when the mind is particularly restless, though if body focus ever feels uncomfortable, sound is another option (see tip 3).

Try: Press your feet firmly into the floor and direct your full attention there. Notice the pressure, the temperature, and any subtle sensations. When your mind drifts, use that physical contact as your return point rather than searching for your breath.

💙 When the breath alone isn't enough, try a Sensory Grounding SOS meditationwith Jeff Warren to find a steadier footing in your practice.

3. Use sound as your anchor

If your breath doesn't feel like a stable anchor and physical sensations aren’t grounding you either, ambient sound is an underrated alternative. It's always there, shifting just enough to hold your attention.

Try: Without labeling or evaluating, simply listen to whatever sounds are present — traffic, birdsong, a distant conversation, the hum of a fan. When you notice you've started thinking about the sounds rather than just hearing them, gently come back.

💙 If restlessness is pulling you out of your practice, try Open Listening on Calm, a session built around using sound as your anchor.

4. Do a quick body scan to reset

If your mind is racing, your body may be holding tension that you haven't noticed yet. A short body scan can interrupt that cycle and bring you back into the present.

Try: Starting at the top of your head, slowly move your attention down through your body. Shoulders tight? Jaw clenched? Simply observe, breathe, and move on. This doesn't need to take more than two or three minutes.

💙 Explore a Body Scan on the Calm app to ease restlessness and tune in to your body. 

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5. Open your eyes (yes, really)

Keeping your eyes closed isn’t the only way to meditate. For some people, especially those who feel spacey, anxious, or prone to thought spirals, soft-open eyes can help them stay grounded rather than getting lost in thought. Open-eye meditation is standard in many traditions, including Zen and Tibetan practice.

Try: Next time your mind starts spiraling, or restlessness kicks in, gently open your eyes halfway. Soften your gaze toward the floor. Stay there for a few breaths, then decide whether to close them again or continue with eyes open.

6. Name the thought, then let it go

Mental noting is one of the most effective in-the-moment tools in mindfulness practice. Instead of following a thought somewhere you didn’t mean to go, you’re just labeling it as it arrives. 

Try: When a thought arrives, note it with a single word: \"planning,\" \"worrying,\" \"remembering,\" \"itching.\" You're naming it, not engaging with it, which creates a small but meaningful separation between you and the thought. Then return to your anchor.

💙 Practice this technique with Noting, in Calm’s Letting Go of Anxiety series.

Read more: How to use the noting technique in meditation: 7 steps to try

7. Give yourself permission to shorten the session

If you're mid-practice and struggling, there's no rule that says you have to finish a 20-minute session when five minutes is all you can manage today. A shorter session done well builds more momentum than a longer one you struggle through.

Try: Set a timer for five minutes and commit only to that. When it goes off, check in: do you want to continue? If not, call it complete. 

💙 Keep it quick with A Short Breather on the Calm app.

8. Move before or during your practice

Restlessness often shows up in the body as much as the mind, and asking a tense body to sit still without any preparation tends to backfire, so a few minutes of gentle movement beforehand may help. Walking meditation is a practice in its own right, not just an alternative when sitting feels hard. 

Try: Before sitting, take two to three minutes to slowly roll your shoulders, stretch your neck, or shake out your hands. If restlessness persists during a session, try stepping outside for a slow, deliberate walk and focusing on the sensation of each foot meeting the ground.

💙 Step away from the cushion and try Mindful Walking on Calm.

9. Stop trying to clear your mind

A blank mind isn't the goal of meditation. Trying to suppress thoughts during a session tends to amplify them. What you're actually practicing is changing your relationship to your thoughts — noticing them without getting swept away. The mind will produce thoughts, and that’s okay. Your job is to observe without becoming a passenger.

Try: Imagine your thoughts as cars passing on a street while you sit on the pavement. You can watch them go by without jumping in. When you notice you've climbed into one and are halfway down the road, just step back out and return to the pavement. 

💙 Explore Working With Distraction on Calm with Jay Shetty to reframe your practice.

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Meditation tips FAQs

What should I do when I lose focus during meditation?

When you lose focus during meditation, gently bring your attention back to your anchor. This might be your breath, the feeling of your feet on the floor, or a sound nearby. A quick mental note, like \"thinking\" or \"wandering,\" can help you disengage from the thought before returning. 

When you're ready to come back, one slow exhale is all you need as a re-entry point. Losing focus and coming back is part of the practice. There's no need to restart or reset the timer.

How can I stay present during meditation?

A concrete anchor helps you stay present during meditation. The breath is the most common, but the pressure of your feet on the floor, ambient sounds, or a slow body scan all work just as well. 

Shorter sessions can help too. Five focused minutes tend to build presence more reliably than 20 minutes spent drifting.

How do I meditate with a busy or overthinking mind?

A busy mind during meditation isn't necessarily a barrier, just something to work with. Try labeling thoughts as they arrive: \"planning,\" \"worrying,\" \"remembering.\" You're naming them, not engaging with them. If focused attention feels too hard, try listening to ambient sounds instead and letting thoughts pass in the background.

What helps when I feel restless during meditation?

If you’re feeling restless during meditation, there’s usually a physical component. A few minutes of gentle movement before you sit can help settle your nervous system. 

If restlessness hits mid-session, try pressing your feet firmly into the floor and focusing your full attention there. Walking meditation is another option if stillness just isn't happening that day.

Related read: 6 common resistances that come up in meditation (and how to deal)

Should I restart meditation if I get distracted?

There’s no need to restart your session if you get distracted. Getting distracted and coming back is a normal part of meditation. Noticing your mind has wandered and redirecting your attention is the most valuable part of the whole session. It doesn't matter if it happens twice or 20 times.

Why won’t my mind stop during meditation?

Your mind doesn't stop during meditation because that's what minds do. Thoughts are constant — the goal isn't to switch them off, but to change how you relate to them. With practice, you start to notice thoughts sooner and return your attention more quickly. 

How can I build a consistent meditation routine?

Consistency matters more than duration when it comes to meditation routines. Short sessions practiced daily build a stronger habit than longer ones done occasionally. Try attaching meditation to something you already do, like right after your morning coffee, before lunch, or while winding down at night. Even two to five minutes a day adds up.

Related read: How to build a meditation practice that actually sticks

Do short meditation sessions still help?

Short meditation sessions are absolutely worth it. Even a single session can improve focus and reduce stress, and research supports this even for people with no prior experience. Starting small and showing up regularly is what builds the practice over time.

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Calm your mind. Change your life.

Mental health is hard. Getting support doesn't have to be. The Calm app puts the tools to feel better in your back pocket, with personalized content to manage stress and anxiety, get better sleep, and feel more present in your life. 

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Images: Getty

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Whether your mind won't settle, you lose focus, or your body is uncomfortable, these 9 meditation tips can help you navigate common struggles that come up during practice.

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Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA

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If someone in your life seems incapable of telling the truth, they may be a pathological liar. Here are the signs and causes of pathological lying, along with 9 tips to help you cope. 

Wanting transparency in relationships is normal. So when someone close to you keeps omitting the truth or changing their story, it can be really destabilizing. You may start questioning your own memory, wondering what actually happened, or feeling unsure about what's real. 

Pathological lying is a long-term pattern of distorting the truth, even when honesty could be simpler. It often shows up in close relationships, where it can slowly erode trust and emotional safety. This kind of dishonesty isn’t the same as the occasional white lie or exaggeration that most people can slip into. It's persistent, and it tends to put relationships in jeopardy.

Learning a bit more about this kind of behavior can help you protect yourself. We'll cover the signs, possible causes, plus a few ways to cope when someone in your life has a complicated relationship with the truth.

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What is a pathological liar?

A pathological liar is someone who lies regularly, sometimes without a clear reason or benefit. These lies may feel like second nature to them, and may range from small half-truths to more detailed and dramatic falsehoods.

The term usually refers to a long-term behavior, not just occasional dishonesty. In many cases, the person continues to lie even when part of them knows that being honest would be easier or safer.

Researchers sometimes use the term pseudologia fantastica to describe this pattern. It involves telling exaggerated or made-up stories that may blend truth with fiction.

Some common signs include:

  • Lying that feels automatic

  • Stories that shift under pressure

  • Dishonesty, even when there’s nothing to gain

Pathological lying isn’t a formal diagnosis on its own, but it can appear alongside certain personality traits or mental health conditions.

What causes pathological lying?

There’s no single reason why someone develops this pattern of behavior. But researchers suggest it may stem from a mix of personality traits, life experiences, and even differences in how their brains process impulses and emotions. These factors don’t excuse harm, but they can help explain how the behavior forms.

Some possible causes include:

  • Personality traits or mental health conditions: Pathological lying can appear alongside traits such as narcissism, antisocial, or borderline personality patterns. In these cases, lying may help protect self-image or avoid difficult feelings like shame.

  • Childhood experiences: If honesty once led to punishment, conflict, or embarrassment, lying may have felt safer. As children grow up, this response can become a habit.

  • Low self-esteem: Some people fabricate or exaggerate stories to feel more confident or accepted. It can help them present a version of themselves they wish felt true.

  • Impulse control differences: Some research suggests that impulse control differences may play a role, making it harder to pause before speaking. The lie may come out quickly, before the person can fully think it through.

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What are the signs of pathological lying?

Telling a lie here and there doesn’t mean someone is a pathological liar. The difference often comes down to consistency and how the behaviors show up.

Common signs include:

  • Lying about both small and important things

  • Details that don’t line up across conversations

  • Stories that become more dramatic when questioned

  • Continuing to deny or adjust facts when challenged

  • Becoming defensive or redirecting blame

  • Often taking on roles like the hero, victim, or expert

People around them may start to notice gaps between what’s said and what actually happens.

Related read: 10 biggest red flags in relationships (and what to do about them)

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How does pathological lying affect relationships?

Pathological lying can place steady pressure on a relationship as partners, friends, and family members begin to feel off balance. 

Conversations can feel unclear, and it may become harder to rely on what’s being said or promised. In short, the person in question becomes unreliable and untrustworthy, which creates distance.

Over time, several challenges in relationships can occur:

Loss of trust: When details keep shifting, or you’re being gaslit, it becomes harder to rely on what the other person says or feel safe with them.

Emotional exhaustion: Trying to make sense of slippery truths can feel draining, especially when clarity never quite comes.

Self-doubt: Repeated contradictions can make someone question their own memory or judgment.

Conflict and distance: Tension can grow when one person seeks clarity while the other avoids it, creating distance in the relationship.

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How to deal with a pathological liar: 9 tips to cope

You can’t control whether someone stops lying, but you can control how you protect your emotional safety and peace of mind. These tips focus on reducing confusion, setting clear boundaries, and protecting your sense of reality when dealing with a pathological liar, especially in close relationships.

1. Pay attention to patterns

A single lie can happen in almost any relationship, especially when emotions run high. Stress, fear, or embarrassment can lead someone to bend the truth once in a while, but when it’s all the time, that’s a big problem. Instead of trying to catch every lie and make sense of it, step back and look at the bigger pattern.

Someone may give different reasons for missing work, or their stories about past events may change depending on who they are talking to. Looking at the pattern can help you decide how much trust feels safe in the relationship.

Read more: How to be honest with yourself (and why it matters so much)

2. Protect your sense of reality

Frequent lying can create confusion and a lack of stability. If someone often denies statements they said before or changes their story, it can make others question their own memory.

Try this:

  • Write down important conversations or agreements

  • Save messages that confirm plans or details

  • Talk through confusing events with a trusted friend or therapist

3. Avoid getting pulled into endless fact-checking

Many people respond to lying by trying to prove the truth. The search for evidence, or the effort to point out mistakes, can wipe you out. With pathological lying, the story may simply change again, or the conversation may turn into an argument, so avoid getting pulled into debate.

Try saying:

“I’m feeling confused because the details keep changing. I need consistency to feel comfortable.”

This approach shifts the conversation away from proving facts and toward how the behavior affects the relationship.

💙 Feeling drained? Care for Difficult Emotions with Jeff Warren to help you process.

4. Set clear and realistic boundaries

Boundaries help protect your time, trust, and emotional energy. They also reduce repeated cycles of disappointment.

Try saying:

  • “I need honesty in conversations about finances.”

  • “If plans change, I need to hear the truth about why.”

  • “If stories keep shifting, I’m going to step away from the conversation.”

When boundaries are maintained in a calm, steady way, they can bring more stability to a situation that feels unpredictable. They also let the person know that they cannot push you beyond your limits without emotional repercussions.

Related read: How to set healthy boundaries in relationships

💙 New to setting limits with people you care about? Explore Calm’s Boundaries session with Tamara Levitt.

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5. Choose calm conversations instead of confrontations

Direct accusations often lead to defensiveness. This is especially true if the person already feels embarrassed or ashamed of themselves.

A calmer approach can make conversations more productive. So, instead of calling someone a liar, describe what you have noticed.

Try saying:

“I’ve noticed the story about last week has changed a few times. That makes it hard for me to understand what really happened.”

This type of language focuses on behavior rather than attacking the person. Even so, calm conversations don’t always lead to change. Sometimes they simply help you see the situation more clearly.

Related read: How to have difficult conversations: 11 tips that can help

💙 Practice Kind Communication in the meditation on Calm to find words that keep the conversation open rather than shutting it down.

6. Limit how much sensitive information you share

When lying becomes a pattern, trust naturally erodes. It may help to be more careful about what you share, especially if the person weaponizes or diminishes your struggles. You might avoid sharing personal struggles, financial details, or private information if the person has a history of exaggerating or misrepresenting things.

Trust can grow again through consistent behavior. Until then, small limits around personal information can help protect your emotional well-being.

7. Encourage professional support if the person is open to it

Chronic lying often has deeper emotional roots, and therapy can help someone explore the reasons behind the behavior, such as insecurity, shame, or long-term coping habits.

A therapist may help the person work on:

  • Impulse control

  • Emotional regulation

  • Building healthier communication habits

  • Addressing underlying mental health concerns

Encouragement can help, but the choice has to come from the person themselves. Real change usually requires a willingness to reflect and work on the behavior — you cannot love a person into changing.

8. Strengthen your own support system

Relationships affected by pathological lying can feel isolating and daunting at the same time. Some people hesitate to talk about the situation because they worry others will not believe them, or because they’re not ready to leave and know their friends or family will ask them about it.

When you’re ready to discuss it, support from trusted people can help restore balance. Friends, family members, or a counselor can offer perspective and emotional support when things feel confusing.

9. Revisit your needs in the relationship

Trust is a core part of any relationship. When lying becomes ongoing, it’s reasonable to think about whether your emotional needs are being met.

This doesn’t automatically mean ending the relationship. It may mean adjusting expectations, strengthening boundaries, or changing how much energy you invest.

Try asking yourself:

  • Do I feel emotionally safe in this relationship?

  • Is honesty improving over time?

  • What do I need in order to maintain trust?

Clear answers to these questions can help guide your next steps. Protecting your well-being is an important part of any healthy relationship. If the person in question refuses to change or won’t hold themselves accountable, it’s always okay to leave the relationship and take care of yourself.

Related read: 11 relationship goals to help you build a healthy partnership

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Pathological liar FAQs

What causes a person to be a compulsive or pathological liar?

There’s rarely one clear cause of pathological lying. Experts believe it usually develops from a mix of personality traits, life experiences, and learned coping habits. Some people begin lying often to avoid punishment, gain attention, or protect their self-image. 

Over time, the behavior can become automatic. Pathological lying may also appear alongside certain mental health conditions or personality traits, where exaggeration or distortion helps someone deal with feelings like insecurity, shame, or fear of rejection.

How do you deal with a pathological liar in a relationship?

Dealing with a pathological liar in a relationship often means focusing on boundaries and emotional clarity instead of trying to control the other person’s behavior. Notice patterns of dishonesty, avoid arguing about every lie, and explain how the behavior affects trust in the relationship. 

Clear expectations around honesty can also help, along with deciding what you will do if those expectations aren’t met. Support from trusted friends, family members, or a therapist can provide a better perspective when the situation starts to feel confusing or emotionally draining.

Can a pathological liar change?

Yes, change is possible, especially with personal effort and professional support. But it can take time and may not happen in every case. 

Chronic lying is often tied to deeper emotional patterns, such as insecurity, shame, or coping habits learned earlier in life. Therapy can help someone recognize these patterns and practice more honest ways of communicating. 

Is pathological lying the same as compulsive lying?

The terms pathological lying and compulsive lying are often used in the same way, though some experts describe a small difference. Compulsive lying usually refers to frequent lying that happens out of habit or impulse. 

Pathological lying may involve more detailed or dramatic stories that serve a psychological need, such as gaining attention, sympathy, or admiration. In everyday use, however, both terms generally describe a pattern of repeated, hard-to-control dishonesty.

Should I confront a pathological liar?

Confronting a pathological liar can sometimes increase tension, especially if the person feels embarrassed or defensive. A calmer approach often works better. Instead of trying to prove the lie, it can help to explain how the behavior affects trust and emotional safety in the relationship. 

Speaking from your own experience may reduce defensiveness. Even so, confrontation doesn’t always lead to change, which is why boundaries and outside support can be important for protecting your well-being.

Related read: How to speak up for yourself (and why it's important)

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Calm your mind. Change your life.

Mental health is hard. Getting support doesn't have to be. The Calm app puts the tools to feel better in your back pocket, with personalized content to manage stress and anxiety, get better sleep, and feel more present in your life. 

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Images: Getty

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If someone in your life seems incapable of telling the truth, they may be a pathological liar. Here are the signs and causes of pathological lying, along with 9 tips to help you cope.

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Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA

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When you're trying to get to know someone new, it can be hard to know where to start. Here’s a list of 30 thoughtful questions to ask a guy on your next date or meetup.

Starting a conversation with a guy you’re interested in can be intimidating — and if you’re not sure what to ask, it can feel impossible. Maybe you’re on a first date and want to avoid awkward silences, or you’re already in a relationship and looking for fresh ways to connect. Or, maybe, you just want to muster up the courage to say hi to that cutie in your neighborhood coffee shop.

The main thing to remember is that most people just want to feel seen. One of the best ways to show you’re interested is by asking thoughtful questions.

Whether you’re texting, hanging out in person, or navigating those early stages of getting to know the new man in your life, try to keep the interactions natural and engaging. You’re not just trying to find out information — you’re creating moments where you both feel comfortable enough to open up. 

So, take a breath, relax your shoulders, and remember that the secret to a great chat is genuine curiosity. Keep reading for a list of questions to spark that connection and curiosity no matter where you are.

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5 good questions to start the conversation

Icebreakers are the perfect way to kick off a conversation, especially if you’re feeling nervous or unsure about what to say. The goal here isn’t to get deep right away. It’s just to spark a little back-and-forth that helps you both feel comfortable and less self-conscious.

These questions are light, easy to answer, and can quickly set the tone for a relaxed, fun chat. 

Here are five examples to get the ball rolling:

  1. What’s a movie or TV show you can watch over and over? 

  2. What’s your go-to comfort food?

  3. If you could live anywhere for a year, where would it be?

  4. What’s one skill you’ve always wanted to learn?

  5. What’s a fun fact about you most people don’t know?

Show genuine interest in his answers by asking follow-up questions or sharing your own thoughts. For example, if he mentions his favorite comfort food, you could talk about yours or ask if he’s ever tried something similar. This helps create a flow that feels natural and keeps the energy positive.

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5 questions for discovering his passions and interests

Once the conversation is flowing, it’s time to dig a little deeper and learn about what drives him. You’ll probably want to ask him about his hobbies, interests, and passions.

Not only does this show that you’re interested in what matters to him, but it also helps you find common ground. Plus, people tend to light up when they talk about something they love, so it’s a win for both of you.

You’re not interrogating him — you’re just giving him the chance to share what excites and inspires him. Whatever it is, hearing him talk about what he enjoys most can tell you a lot about his personality and priorities.

To learn more about his interests, try asking:

  1. What makes you lose track of time?

  2. Are you more into sports, music, or something else entirely?

  3. Who’s your favorite artist, athlete, or creator right now? 

  4. What’s the last thing you learned that really fascinated you?

  5. If you had unlimited free time, how would you spend it?

As he answers, pay attention to what makes him smile. If he’s talking about his favorite band, you might ask what song he recommends or share your own favorite artist. If he loves sports, you could ask if he plays or just enjoys watching games. 

This kind of exchange is also a great way to discover shared interests. If he loves hiking, maybe you can suggest a trail you’ve wanted to explore. If he’s a foodie, you could talk about trying a new restaurant, swapping favorite recipes, or even cooking together.

Even if you don’t have the same hobbies, listening with interest and asking follow-up questions can make a big difference. 

💙 Do some self-care homework and listen to Passion Pull with Jay Shetty to uncover your unique purpose, too.

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5 more personal questions to ask a guy

When you’re getting to know someone, it’s important to understand their values. By asking about his values and goals, you can get a glimpse into what drives him. 

It might feel a little nerve-wracking to bring up deeper topics, but most people appreciate the chance to share what they care about. You don’t have to dive in all at once. Ask a question when the moment feels right, and give him space to think and respond.

A few examples include:

  1. What’s something you’re really proud of?

  2. Who has influenced you the most?

  3. What are you working toward right now? 

  4. If you could change one thing about the world, what would it be?

  5. What’s something important to you in a relationship?

When you ask these questions, pay attention to how he responds. Does he light up when he talks about a goal he’s chasing? Does he seem thoughtful when discussing a value or belief that matters to him? These are signs that he’s opening up, and it’s an opportunity to connect on a deeper level.

You can also share your own experiences and goals. If he talks about a challenge he’s overcome, you might mention something similar you’ve faced. If he opens up about wanting to improve in a certain area of life, you could offer encouragement or talk about how you’ve tackled your own self-improvement journey.

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5 questions to add a fun and playful twist

Sometimes, the best way to connect with someone is to just have fun. Playful and silly questions help keep the mood light and create space for laughter and memorable moments. 

These types of questions are great for breaking up deeper conversations or just bringing more energy to a casual chat. They also let you see his sense of humor and how he handles creative or unexpected situations. 

When you ask these types of questions, don’t be afraid to jump in with your own answers too. It’ll make the conversation even more engaging.

Here are five playful questions to try:

  1. If you could have any superpower, what would it be?

  2. What’s the weirdest food you’ve ever tried, and did you like it?

  3. Do you believe in aliens, ghosts, or other supernatural things?

  4. If you had to survive a zombie apocalypse, what’s your strategy?

  5. What’s the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you?

Even if the answers are goofy, they’re a chance to see his fun side and build rapport. Don’t worry about getting too serious here. It’s all about enjoying the moment and letting both your personalities shine.

To keep the fun going, play along with his answers. If he says he’d teleport as his superpower, ask him where he’d go first. If he tells you a wild zombie survival plan, challenge him on it or share your own. This back-and-forth keeps the conversation dynamic and engaging.

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5 questions for flirting and showing your interest

When you’re ready to let him know you’re interested, asking flirty questions can be a fun and subtle way to test the waters. 

These types of questions strike a balance between playful and thoughtful. They also create an opportunity for him to open up and share more about what he finds attractive or meaningful in a connection.

Flirty questions don’t have to be over the top or make the conversation awkward. The key is to keep them lighthearted and genuine while focusing on his preferences, experiences, and feelings. By doing this, you can create a safe and engaging space where both of you feel comfortable exploring your connection.

You might ask questions like:

  1. What’s something you find irresistible in a person?

  2. Do you think you’re more of a hopeless romantic or a realist?

  3. What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received?

  4. What’s a small thing someone could do that would totally make your day? 

  5. What’s your idea of the perfect date?

When asking these questions, don’t just focus on his answers. Use them as a chance to share a little about yourself too. For example, if he describes his perfect date, you might say, “That sounds amazing! Mine would probably be something like...” This keeps the conversation balanced and lets him get to know you better, too.

If he responds positively, it’s a good sign that he’s enjoying the flirtation and feeling the connection. Pay attention to his body language, tone of voice, or how engaged he is in the conversation. If he leans into the playful vibe or starts asking flirty questions of his own, you’re on the right track.

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5 questions to ask a guy over text

Texting is a great way to stay connected and show interest, but figuring out what to say can sometimes feel tricky. Try not to overthink things. The goal isn’t to keep the conversation going nonstop. It’s to share a little positivity and build a connection over time. 

Focus on asking light questions, sharing a little about your day, or referencing something he’s mentioned before. These types of messages show that you’re paying attention and genuinely enjoy chatting with him.

Here are five easy, casual texts you can send to brighten his day:

  1. What’s a song that instantly boosts your mood? 

  2. If you had a lazy day today, how would you spend it?

  3. What’s one thing you wish more people knew about you?

  4. Who’s your favorite character from any TV show or movie?

  5. If we could teleport anywhere for dinner right now, where would you want to go?

When texting, timing can also make a difference. Sending a message during a relaxed moment in his day—like after work or during a quiet evening—can make it more likely for him to respond thoughtfully.

Don’t be afraid to follow up on something he’s mentioned before. For example, if he recently talked about a hobby, say, “How’s that project coming along?” If he’s mentioned a stressful situation, you could check in with, “How did it go today? Hope it worked out!” These kinds of texts show that you’re paying attention and care about him.

Keep your tone upbeat and friendly, and don’t stress if he doesn’t reply immediately. A thoughtful text can mean a lot, even if the response doesn’t come right away.

💙 Take a five minute meditation break if you’re stressing about response times with Chibs Okereke’s Overcoming Negative Thinking.

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How to start a conversation with a guy

Starting a conversation with a guy without making it weird comes down to one thing: keep it simple. A big, high-pressure question out of nowhere can make things a bit awkward. Whereas a small one tied to the moment—something specific and easy to answer—tends to land better.

Because the biggest thing that gets in the way usually isn't shyness — it's overthinking. So when the goal shifts from \"say something impressive\" to \"find out something interesting about this person,\" the whole thing gets easier.

The harder part is often knowing what to talk about once you're in it. Here are some topics that tend to go over well, no matter who you’re talking to:

  • Travel and places: Where he's been, where he wants to go

  • Food and drink: Favorites, recent discoveries, whether he cooks

  • Work and ambitions: Not in an interview way, but what he's working toward

  • Pop culture: Shows, music, and podcasts he's into right now

  • Humor and memory: A funny story, a weird habit, something that surprised him recently

  • Values and curiosity: What he's been thinking about lately, what he'd do with a free weekend

A good rhythm to follow is to open with something light, ask one follow-up, share a little about yourself, and then read the energy. If he's returning it, keep going. If not, no need to force it.

Read more: How to start a conversation: 8 tips and conversation starters

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Questions to ask a guy FAQs

What are some good flirty questions to ask a guy without overstepping?

Flirty questions can be a great way to show your interest while keeping the tone light and fun. To avoid overstepping, focus on questions that let him share his preferences or playful thoughts without making him feel uncomfortable. 

For example, you could ask something like, “What’s the best compliment someone has ever given you?” or “What’s your idea of the perfect date?” These types of questions are flirty but still respectful, and they open the door for him to share more about himself while letting you express your interest naturally.

If he seems a little shy or hesitant, don’t push too hard. Instead, shift the focus to something more casual, like a different fun or playful topic. These 30 questions to ask on a first date might help you hit the right tone. Flirty questions work best when they feel natural, so trust your instincts and pay attention to his comfort level as you chat.

How do I balance serious and lighthearted questions during a date?

Balancing serious and lighthearted questions is all about reading the moment and letting the conversation unfold naturally. Start with fun, easy topics to help both of you relax, like favorite TV shows, music, or hobbies. 

Once the vibe feels comfortable, you can transition to more meaningful questions by picking up on cues from what he shares. For instance, if he mentions something he’s passionate about, you can ask what inspires him or what goals he’s working toward. Or you might try one of these 30 questions to get to know him more deeply.

Don’t feel like you need to force serious topics if they don’t come up naturally. A great conversation often has a mix of laughter and meaningful moments, so let things flow. If you notice the energy shifting—like he seems deep in thought or starts talking about something personal—this could be a good time to ask a more thoughtful question. By keeping the conversation balanced, you’ll create a dynamic that feels genuine and engaging.

What’s a polite way to shift topics if the conversation feels awkward?

Awkward moments happen to everyone, so don’t stress if the conversation hits a lull. The easiest way to shift topics is to acknowledge the moment with a friendly tone and move on.

You might say something like, “That’s interesting! Speaking of…” or “This just reminded me of something. What do you think about…” This approach feels natural and keeps the conversation flowing without making the other person feel awkward.

You can also use humor to diffuse the moment, like jokingly saying, “Okay, I think we just hit our first awkward pause.” Humor shows that you’re comfortable and confident, which can make the other person feel at ease too. 

Are there any specific topics guys generally enjoy talking about?

While every guy is different, many enjoy talking about topics they’re passionate about or find interesting. Hobbies, sports, music, movies, or gaming are often great starting points. Some guys might enjoy talking about their goals, favorite travel destinations, or even funny or unusual experiences. 

If you’re not sure what he likes, start with open-ended questions like, “What do you usually do for fun?” or “What’s something you’ve been really into lately?” 

Pay attention to his energy when he answers. If he lights up talking about a certain topic, let him dive deeper by asking follow-up questions. 

Showing genuine interest in what he enjoys can make the conversation more engaging for both of you. Even if it’s something you’re not super familiar with, being curious and open-minded can go a long way in building a connection.

How can I tell if he’s genuinely interested in the conversation?

It’s often easy to tell if someone is genuinely interested in a conversation by their body language, tone of voice, and level of engagement. 

If he’s making eye contact, leaning in while you’re talking, or nodding along, those are good signs that he’s invested in the conversation. Pay attention to his energy, as well. If he seems enthusiastic or animated when he’s talking, that’s a strong indicator he’s enjoying the interaction. So does him asking follow-up questions or sharing more than just quick one-word answers.

On the flip side, if he’s looking away often, giving short responses, or seeming distracted, it might mean he’s losing interest or just having an off day. If you sense this, don’t panic. Try shifting the topic to something lighter or more engaging to re-spark the connection.

Ultimately, genuine interest often feels mutual. If the conversation feels easy and both of you are contributing equally, chances are he’s as interested in getting to know you as you are in getting to know him. Trust your instincts and enjoy the process.

What questions should you ask your boyfriend to know him better? 

The best questions to ask a boyfriend are the ones that go a little beyond the everyday. Ask him what he'd do with a completely free week, what he was like as a kid, or what he's quietly proud of that most people don't know about. 

Questions about his relationships—with family, with old friends, with his past—can reveal a lot about what he values and how he moves through the world. The goal is to keep finding new corners of someone you already care about.

What are some random questions to ask a guy? 

Random questions are underrated. They sidestep the usual small talk and tend to get more interesting answers. Try asking him what skill he'd want to wake up with tomorrow, what he'd do if he won the lottery but had to spend it all in a week, or what he'd want his obituary to say. 

Silly hypotheticals work too: desert island picks, time travel destinations, which fictional world he'd actually want to live in. The randomness is kind of the point. It loosens things up and lets both of you be a little more creative and unguarded.

What are some personal questions to ask a guy? 

Personal questions work best when the conversation already has some warmth to it. From there, you might ask what he'd go back and tell his younger self, what's shaped him most in the last few years, or what he's still figuring out. 

Questions about his fears, his regrets, or what he looks for in the people he keeps close can open up real conversation, as long as they're asked with genuine interest rather than as a test. If he opens up, share something of your own. That's usually what turns a personal question into an actual connection.

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Calm your mind. Change your life.

Mental health is hard. Getting support doesn't have to be. The Calm app puts the tools to feel better in your back pocket, with personalized content to manage stress and anxiety, get better sleep, and feel more present in your life. 

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Images: Getty

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When you're trying to get to know someone new, it can be hard to know where to start. Here’s a list of 30 thoughtful questions to ask a guy on your next date or meetup.

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Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA

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Crying in your sleep isn't abnormal. Learn what it means and why you might wake up crying at night. Plus, how to stop crying in your sleep using our 5 tips.

If you’ve ever woken up in tears or realized you've been crying in your sleep, you know how unsettling it can be. It's also more common than you may realize. Many adults experience it, particularly during periods of emotional stress, vivid dreams, or heightened anxiety.

Whether it's happened once or keeps coming back, crying in your sleep is often the brain's way of working through emotions it hasn't fully processed yet. It can connect directly to what's happening in a dream, or happen with no dream memory at all.

Here's a look at what it means when you wake up crying, what tends to cause crying in your sleep, and practical steps to help you stop it.

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What does it mean when you cry in your sleep?

Crying in your sleep often mirrors the intricate mesh of your emotional and mental state. It might mean you’re processing underlying grief, stress, anxiety, or a mental health condition. It could even be a reaction caused by bad nightmares.

It’s important to understand that emotions, senses, and some muscle movements are far from inactive, even during deep sleep. This means that emotional processes like crying can still happen, even without your conscious realization.

Crying in your sleep can sometimes lead to potential disruptions in sleep quality that could have knock-on effects on your overall mental wellbeing. Understanding the meaning behind crying in your sleep is crucial because it offers insights into your emotional state and can help you sleep and feel better. 

What causes crying in your sleep?

There are a mix of emotional triggers and physical factors that can cause you to cry in your sleep, and each can contribute in its own way. Knowing these triggers can be the first step to better understanding and managing this phenomenon.

Once you identify certain triggers, it’s important to give them the space to exist without judgment while simultaneously still addressing them—as these triggers reflect our emotional and psychological state. 

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How to stop crying in your sleep

Learning to stop crying in your sleep involves a holistic approach that includes self-help strategies, lifestyle modifications, and—sometimes—professional intervention. Small, consistent steps every day can help build a better relationship with your emotions.

1. Relax body and mind with techniques like breathing or progressive muscle relaxation

Relaxation techniques like deep breathing or progressive muscle relaxation help your body and mind move towards a state of calm.. These techniques can be used proactively to ease any stress and tension that’s causing you to cry in your sleep. Or, they can be used in-the-moment to help you self-soothe if you wake up crying in your sleep.

💙 Explore relaxation exercises like PMR Deep Sleep Release for a more peaceful sleep.

2. Drift off in a calmer state using mindfulness

The practice of mindfulness, whether through meditation or exercises such as mindful walking and mindful breathing, can bring calm to a distressed mind. 

💙 Explore guided meditations like the 10-minute body scan to cultivate mindfulness and foster serene sleep.

3. End your days in a more relaxed state by using stress management

There’s no denying that life is full of stressors. When we don’t manage them properly they can get the best of us, including affecting our sleep. Managing stress helps declutter your mind, making room for peace and joy. 

💙 Stress-reducing tools like the Managing Stress Workbook or 7 Days of Managing Stress toolkit can help you navigate stress more effectively so you can avoid crying in your sleep.

4. Establish a soothing bedtime routine to help you feel centered and calm before lights out

A comforting pre-sleep routine can help you to feel more at ease before your head hits the pillow. Whether your routine contains a warm bath, calming sounds, an enjoyable book, or gentle stretches, find what soothes you and make it part of your nightly ritual.

💙 Looking for a way to wind down mindfully? Press play on one of our Sleep Stories tonight like Tales from the CB Radio.

5. Seek professional help if this issue persists

If you or someone else frequently wakes up crying or in distress, it's essential to seek advice from a healthcare professional. They can provide a clear diagnosis and recommend treatments or coping mechanisms.

Each strategy is a step towards self-love and self-compassion as you embrace and understand your emotions. By cultivating a deeper connection with yourself and addressing your emotional needs, you can find comfort in falling asleep each night.

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Crying in your sleep FAQs

What does it mean when you cry in your dream and wake up crying?

When you find yourself crying in a dream and wake up with tears still on your cheeks, it’s like your subconscious is trying to send you a message. It could be a manifestation of bottled-up emotions, unresolved issues, or reflections of stress and anxiety in your waking life. Reflect on your dreams to understand the feelings behind them and address any underlying issues.

What to do when you cry in your sleep?

Crying in your sleep can feel bewildering, so approach it with kindness and curiosity. Start by keeping a sleep diary, jotting down any dreams or emotions associated with your crying. Explore relaxation and mindfulness practices to soothe your mind before bedtime, and seek professional advice if sleep crying persists.

Why can't I stop crying at night?

If you find yourself crying frequently at night or while you sleep, it may be due to heightened emotional stress, poor sleep hygiene, or lingering grief or trauma that surfaces when your mind is at rest. Crying at night can feel overwhelming, especially if it keeps happening. Creating a calming bedtime routine, practicing mindfulness, and seeking emotional support can all help reduce nighttime crying.

Can I stop myself from crying in my sleep?

By embracing relaxation techniques, cultivating mindfulness, and maintaining a nurturing sleep environment, you can support emotional balance and reduce sleep crying. Don’t forget to seek professional help if you need it.

What can I do to stop my tears from waking me up?

Create a soothing pre-sleep routine and a supportive sleep environment to help you avoid crying in your sleep. Engage in calming activities like reading or gentle stretching before bedtime, and consider meditation or relaxation exercises to calm the mind. If tears persist, explore counseling or therapy to address underlying emotional concerns.

Is crying in your sleep a sign of depression?

Crying in your sleep can be a sign of depression, but it isn't always. Depression can affect sleep in a number of ways, including increasing the emotional intensity of dreams and making nighttime crying more likely. That said, there are many other reasons it can happen, from stress and grief to vivid dreams or changes in medication.

If crying in your sleep is happening regularly and you're also noticing low mood, loss of interest in things you usually enjoy, or persistent fatigue during the day, it's worth talking to a doctor or mental health professional.

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Calm your mind. Change your life.

Mental health is hard. Getting support doesn't have to be. The Calm app puts the tools to feel better in your back pocket, with personalized content to manage stress and anxiety, get better sleep, and feel more present in your life. 

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Images: Getty

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","excerpt":"

Crying in your sleep isn't abnormal. Learn what it means and why you might wake up crying at night. Plus, how to stop crying in your sleep using our 5 tips.

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Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA

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These 80 questions to ask your boyfriend spark everything from flirty fun to deep talks. Perfect for date nights, road trips, or cozy late-night chats.

You're mid-drive, music on low, nowhere pressing to be. You've been together long enough that the silences are comfortable, but you're also starting to wonder: is there more to know? There must be.

Asking questions is one of the simplest ways to deepen a relationship, and that holds whether you've been dating for three months or three years. The more you stay curious about someone, the more there is to discover. All you need is a question and a moment to ask it.

We’ve put together a range of great questions to ask your boyfriend. There's something here for every mood — deep and meaningful, playful and low-stakes, a little spicy, and forward-looking. Pick what feels right and go from there.

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80 questions to ask your boyfriend, by mood 

You already know the surface-level things like career, family, and favorite films. These questions go a level deeper. Take your time, really listen, and let the answers surprise you.

Deep & meaningful

These questions are best saved for when you're both somewhere quiet, with nowhere to be. They may take you to some interesting places.

  1. What's something you've changed your mind about in the last few years?

  2. When do you feel most like yourself?

  3. What's a fear you've never said out loud?

  4. Is there a version of your life you almost lived?

  5. What's something you're still figuring out?

  6. What's the best piece of advice someone's ever given you?

  7. What would you tell your younger self if you could?

  8. What's something from your childhood that still shapes how you move through the world?

  9. When do you feel most misunderstood?

  10. What does feeling loved actually look like to you, practically speaking?

  11. What's one thing you've never told anyone?

  12. What does an ideal life look like to you?

  13. How do you handle moments of overwhelm?

  14. Is there something you've always wanted to ask me but haven't?

  15. What's a memory you return to when things are hard?

  16. What do you think your biggest blind spot is?

  17. What's something you've forgiven yourself for?

  18. What did you think a relationship was supposed to look like growing up?

  19. What do you think we do really well together?

  20. What's something you'd like more of in our relationship?

💙 Ready to go even deeper? Nurturing Relationships on Calm is a good session to try before a meaningful conversation.

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Spicy & flirty

A little suggestive tension can be a good thing. These are for when you want to feel a little closer, even if you’re already in the same room. 

  1. What's the most attractive thing I do without realizing it?

  2. What's something you've always wanted to try with me but haven't brought up?

  3. What was going through your head the first time you kissed me?

  4. What's your favorite memory of us together?

  5. When do you find me most irresistible?

  6. What's a compliment you've been holding back?

  7. What would your perfect night in look like?

  8. What's a side of me you feel like not many people get to see?

  9. If we could escape for a weekend with no plans, where would we go?

  10. What's the most memorable date we've been on?

  11. What's one thing I do that instantly makes you feel close to me?

  12. What do you think makes us work?

  13. What would make tonight feel special to you?

  14. What's something you've been fantasizing about lately?

  15. When did you first realize you were into me?

  16. What's something you think about more than you'd like to admit?

  17. What's something on your bucket list that you'd want me there for?

  18. What's something you wish we did more of together?

  19. Is there anything you wish I'd initiate more?

  20. How do you think our chemistry has changed since we first got together?

Read more: The 5 love languages: what are they and how are they different? 

Playful & lighthearted

Don’t underestimate the power of a silly question. They have a way of turning into the best conversations you didn’t see coming. 

  1. If you could only eat one meal for the rest of your life, what would it be?

  2. What's a movie everyone loves that you can't stand?

  3. If you had to describe yourself as a character from a TV show, who would it be?

  4. What's the most niche thing you find fascinating?

  5. What would your theme song be?

  6. If you could master any skill instantly, what would you pick?

  7. What’s an opinion you’ll defend no matter what?

  8. If we switched lives for a day, what would you do first?

  9. What's something you did as a kid that you're still proud of?

  10. What's the most random talent you have?

  11. If you could only watch one genre of TV forever, what would it be?

  12. What would your ideal day off look like, with zero obligations?

  13. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would you pick?

  14. What's your secret guilty pleasure?

  15. Would you rather live somewhere freezing cold or scorching hot?

  16. What's a small thing that makes your day noticeably better?

  17. If you had to describe me in three words to a stranger, what would you say?

  18. What's the best gift you've ever received?

  19. If you could teleport anywhere right now, where would you go?

  20. What do you wish more people knew about you?

💙 If these questions inspired you, Jay Shetty’s 5 Steps to Stronger Relationships on Calm is a great next step for nurturing your connection.  

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Future-focused

Think of these less as a compatibility quiz and more as a chance to imagine out loud together. Not all of these will be right for every relationship or every stage. Take what fits where you are and leave the rest. 

  1. What's something you hope we can do together in the next year?

  2. If you could live anywhere, where would you want to live?

  3. What does your ideal life look like five years from now?

  4. Is there something you want to build or create one day?

  5. What kind of home do you picture for us?

  6. Is there somewhere you've always wanted to travel that you haven't made it to yet?

  7. What's a dream you've been too nervous to pursue?

  8. How do you think we'll handle hard seasons together?

  9. What does growing old well look like to you?

  10. What's something you want us to prioritize as a couple?

  11. What's a tradition you'd like to start?

  12. What does success look like to you?

  13. Is there anything you're working toward right now that you'd like more support with?

  14. What's something you hope never changes between us?

  15. What would make you feel like we're really thriving as a couple?

  16. What’s something you’d want us to get better at together?

  17. What's a skill you'd love for us to learn together?

  18. How do you want us to handle money as a couple?

  19. Is there something you'd want to do differently from how you were raised?

  20. What does a relationship that lasts look like to you?

💙 If you're looking for guidance on navigating the beautiful, complicated parts of partnership, Calm's Love and Relationships series is a great place to start.  

Why asking questions can deepen your relationship

Asking questions is how you keep finding out who your partner truly is, and that doesn't stop once you're past the early stages. Relationships can lose that initial spark over time, not because anything's wrong, but because the questions stop. It’s easy to let daily life take over. What's for dinner? How was work? Did you call the landlord? These check-ins keep things running, but they don’t keep you connected. That takes a little more intention. 

Making time for real conversation doesn’t have to be a big production. A long drive, a phone-free dinner, a slow Sunday morning — these are the moments where deeper questions feel natural rather than forced. Even picking one question and carefully listening to the answer is a simple way to be present with your partner.

Staying genuinely curious about each other is one of the best investments you can make in a relationship.

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Questions to ask your boyfriend FAQs

What are spicy questions to ask your boyfriend?

What counts as a spicy question to ask your boyfriend depends on what feels risky to say out loud. The questions below sit somewhere in the middle — flirty, a little revealing, and just pointed enough to get somewhere interesting. Try one and see:

  • What's the most attractive thing I do?

  • Is there anything you wish I'd initiate more?

  • What was going through your head the first time you kissed me?

  • What's something you think about more than you'd like to admit?

  • What's a compliment you've been holding back?

When’s the best time to ask deeper questions?

The best time to ask deeper questions is when you're both relaxed and not distracted. A long drive, a quiet dinner, a slow walk, a lazy morning at home. These questions don't land well when one person is stressed, preoccupied, or not fully engaged. 

The timing matters almost as much as the question itself. If it feels like the wrong moment, it probably is. Save it.

Can I ask fun questions over text?

You can definitely ask fun questions over text. Playful and flirty questions are great over text and can be a nice way to break up a regular day. Deeper questions tend to land better in person. Tone of voice, eye contact, and the natural back-and-forth are harder to replicate over text. 

That said, sometimes a thoughtful text question can open a conversation that you finish face-to-face, which is a perfectly good use of it.

How do I make sure my questions don't feel like a quiz?

A good way to set the tone is to let your partner know you’re up for a real conversation. Something like \"I saw this list of questions, want to try a few?\" is enough to set the tone. Taking turns and actively listening to each other is what keeps it feeling like a conversation rather than an interview. Try answering the question yourself first —it takes the pressure off them to go first.  

If your partner isn’t feeling it or wants to stop after a couple of questions, that's fine too. 

Read more: Mindful listening: how to improve your communication 

What kinds of questions build emotional intimacy?

Open-ended questions about values, feelings, memories, and inner life tend to build the most intimacy. These types of questions invite vulnerability rather than just information. For example, \"What do you find yourself returning to when things are hard?\" goes deeper than \"What's your favorite memory?\"  The more you both share, the more it feels like a conversation rather than an interview.

The questions are a good starting point, but it’s the curiosity behind them that builds emotional intimacy. 

Related read: How to build emotional connection in relationships

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Calm your mind. Change your life.

Mental health is hard. Getting support doesn't have to be. The Calm app puts the tools to feel better in your back pocket, with personalized content to manage stress and anxiety, get better sleep, and feel more present in your life. 

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Images: Getty

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These 80 questions to ask your boyfriend spark everything from flirty fun to deep talks. Perfect for date nights, road trips, or cozy late-night chats.

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